31 Days of Self Love
in honor of International Masturbation Month
in honor of International Masturbation Month
May has cum, which means International Masturbation Month is here.
After a speech at the United Nations World AIDS Day, an audience member asked U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders about masturbation’s potential for discouraging early sexual activity. She answered, “I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught.” Days later she was fired for her comment.
Launched in 1995 in honour of Elders’ work, National Masturbation Month provides a unique opportunity to get people talking about a self love and encourage conversations about sexual wellness.
To celebrate, Emojibator brings you 31 Days of Self Love featuring exclusive stories and advice on practicing mindful masturbation.
Sex ed has failed us all. I had the pleasure of spending this month curating and writing posts covering all types of topics around masturbation. Most of my work was done sitting at the same bar I’m sitting at now as I write this. I must say, the number of people who approached me to ask what I was working on and then proceeded to quiz me was astounding.
Aside from traditional male masturbation and the missionary position, there is no common knowledge when it comes to sex. I taught married men about the anatomy of the clitoris and prostate stimulation. I had heated discussions on whether or not squirting and female orgasms through penetration are real. I explained to women the uses of different vibrators and showed their partners how they could use them too. I expressed why you should NEVER douche.
Every time I spoke with someone new, I was met with giggles and genuine curiosity. I was constantly surprised to be treated as an expert when I am learning new things every day myself. It solidified the reason I joined Emojibator in the first place: to be part of an empowering brand that educates and embraces all types of sexuality.
When we began discussions to relaunch MasturbationMonth.com for year two I was ecstatic. What better way than to collaborate with people and companies with a similar mission to educate the masses? I was able to work with people that I had admired from afar for a while and share their inspiring, essential messages. It was such a pleasure to have worked with the likes of MacKenzie Peck of Math Mag, Arielle Kaplan of @Whoregasmic, Suzannah Weiss, the team at Erika Lust, the ladies behind Dame Products, Hoe and the Hopeless, Carolyn Busa, and more.
Now for what Masturbation Month means to the cofounders of Emojibator:
“Masturbation Month reminds us that experiencing pleasure takes practice. And over time, just like my yoga practice makes me stronger, my pleasure practice helps me explore curiosities without shame. Emojibator celebrates Masturbation Month because it’s a vehicle to create joy from within, no matter how silly you look on the outside.”
- Kris Fretz
“I was elated that this project reached so many people this month with no marketing budget, but there’s a bigger picture here than the economics of our business; like our mission to produce female-focused sexual health education. I hope our narrative and the information on this site inspires educators to teach about masturbation, friends and loved ones to talk about it, and everyone to do it.”
- Joe Vela
For those who joined us on this journey, we hope you expanded your curiosities and continue to visit this site as a reference. We’ll see you next year <3
Marketing Manager of Emojibator
I’ve noticed every spring more and more people complain about how bad their allergies are:
“I’ve never had em like this before!”
“The pollen is everywhere!”
“I can’t stop sneezing!”
Not me. No, I am not one of the Allergy Attackers. I am something worse (or better?). I am the one complaining about how horny I am:
“I’ve never been this horny before!”
“The pheromones are everywhere!”
“I can’t stop masturbating!”
The first few days of nice weather are an adjustment period for me. It’s like jet lag in the groins. Like free pizza in the cafeteria when you forgot to pack lunch. Like starting a new medication that makes you pee every 20 minutes. My pussy, not pollen, is the enemy.
The smells, the breezes, the long walks, the ‘Oh look, an ice cream truck!’, the happy faces on dogs, on people, the way drinks suddenly taste better when you sip them outside, the packed weekends, the long days, the pride of ordering an iced coffee, the smells of my own body that have remained hidden all winter. Around every corner is something new to turn me on.
There’s no Claritin or Benadryl to numb the arousal of spring. No, if you need relief, you need to take matters into your own hands or vibrators. In spring, my masturbation sessions are extended, extensive, and exclamatory. They are layered and plentiful and somehow find new ways to go deeper. When they end, the rest of my day continues. They give me energy for Act 2 and 3 (and maybe 4?) of my day.
I know soon it will become hot. The long walks, the ice cream trucks, the happy faces, and long nights, yes, they’ll still be there, but they’ll be weighed down with sweat. With exhaustion. With smells that I want to quickly shower away, not soak in. A different kind of sticky.
Soon I’ll have to close all my windows as the AC takes her place, ready to provide a different kind of relief. A necessary, fierce, cold relief. Survival, not sensuality.
But I don’t want to complain. Not now, at least. Because right now, my windows are open, the birds are chirping, my face is smiling and my vibrator’s a-buzzin'.
Buck Angel shares his thoughts on how masturbating as a trans person can be an important step to help you connect to your body. He talks about his own experiences, how he learned to touch his body and genitals, and why he started to work in the adult industry. Using the Buck Off, the masturbator he made for trans men (and the first sex toy ever made specifically for trans men), he explains and demonstrates how the toy can be used to explore and connect with your body.
Join Buck in this video to understand how masturbation changed his life.
Originally posted on Erika Lust.
I want to start off by saying that the following contents of this article are not an exclusive "how-to" on achieving an orgasm. This is my personal experience on how I have most easily achieved orgasms during sexual intercourse, without fail, every freakin’ time. It’s nothing new or groundbreaking and many women are already using this method...and that’s because it works! So ladies, if you’re having trouble getting yours in bed, try this out.
While my partner is on his back, I sit on top of him cowgirl style with one leg on either side of his torso while slightly leaning back. As I’m riding him, I’m making sure to GRIND my hips, rather than bounce up and down. Your grinding technique will be unique to you, test out different directions and motions, and see how you best reach your G-spot. Trust me, you’ll know when you’ve reached it.
I like to use a ‘freestyle’ technique, where I’m mixing a combination of grinding back and forth, side to side, in circular motions, and in figure-eight motions. I’ll also ask my partner to push upwards with his hips so that he’s deeper inside me. When I’m feeling extra spicy, I’ll whip out my Chili Pepper Emojibator to stimulate my clit while grinding on my partner.
It’s no surprise that it’s easiest for us women to orgasm when we take the reigns. So ladies, if you want to take control of your orgasms, take control of your position. Be the orgasm you wish to see in your world! Your man will love it, there’s nothing sexier than a woman owning a bedroom.
Written by Janice Payne, Emojibator
During a time when women are speaking up against harassment and assault and feeling empowered to share their stories, it’s important to recognize that another revolution, one that has been slowly moving forward year by year for decades, is coming to a head: women feeling safe and secure exploring their own sexuality and fantasies on their own, expressing them to their partners, and being unapologetic about it.
We’re learning, without judgement, shame, or fear, to become comfortable with the idea of embracing what we like and exploring what we might, and trying to become less hesitant to take a hard pass on what we don’t.
Therefore, Erica Garza’s new memoir “Getting Off: One Woman’s Journey Through Sex And Porn Addiction,” could not come with a more timely release. After indulging in an hour-long interview with the woman who will come out on top as one of the bravest writers of the year, certain things became clear about the ways in which we need to own our sexuality, and when we might want to take a closer look at our motivation for engaging with it, all in the interest in making sure you embrace and take care of yourself as a sexual, glorious, worthy woman.
Feel Comfortable Exploring Porn
Images, literature, videos, and anything else that turns you on without being ashamed. What you’re into or not into doesn’t reflect on who you are as a person, and you should never be shy to explore what you’re into. The fact that this content is available shows you that you’re not alone, and your desires and fantasies are something to embrace, not feel guilty or ashamed about.
“Do not be afraid of your desire and to admit to what turns you on and to feel worthy of pleasure, and to get rid of that shame aspect of it. I don't have to be ashamed by liking what I like” Garza says. “While I've made messy choices and mistakes, the most harmful part of it was feeling bad about some of my choices instead of empowered by them.”
Keep an eye out for: Certain themes. Studies show that women are more likely than men to seek out and view “degradation” porn. It may just be something you’re into watching sexually, or, it may be a reflection of how you feel about your own self-worth. Be mindful of how this comes into play in real life.
“You're not the only woman who's watching these things, there's comfort in knowing other women are turned on by a variety of things. Desire is complex and diverse, and we need to be more aware of that instead of fitting women into categories of what we think they desire. Porn for women may not be porn for you as a women. Be honest about what you like and desire,” Garza says.
Feel Comfortable Masturbating
It’s completely healthy, normal, and satisfying. Believe it or not, a lot of women still feel guilty or judge themselves for indulging in satisfying themselves. But whether you’re positioned under your bathtubs faucet, using your rabbit, or improvising with your hand or an electric toothbrush, self love, exploration and satisfaction are healthy. Some religions, and even some family units or educational systems, will try to deter you. In short: fuck em. Nobody has a say in what is right or wrong for your body except for you. And probably your OBGYN.
Keep an eye out for: When and why you’re masturbating, and how frequently. Are you turning to pornography and masturbation to help you escape difficult feelings or situations, and do you start to see a pattern about when and how often you engage in this activity? If you’re using it as an occasional outlet for escape, it’s all good, but if it’s becoming a numbing agent and frequent coping mechanisms, or you find yourself doing it during deliberately risky times in tricky locations, like at work in the bathroom, you may want to consider the source of your motivation.
“I used sex and porn to deal with my problems or escape my problems, to numb myself, to not deal with in a healthy way,” Garza says. “It was a release and outlet for frustration, and I never stopped using it that way as time went on. So, when new stresses came up, and I didn’t know how to cope in a healthy way.”
Feel Comfortable Trying New Things
With your partner or any number of partners. Our sexuality and our preferences and desires are constantly changing, since we’re always changing as human beings.
“In the early stages of my recovery, I thought had to stop watching porn and become someone else and never experiment outside of my marriage sexually. I set strict guidelines for myself because I thought that's what a person in recovery does, and realized I was cutting off a big part of my sexuaity, and that didnt feel authentic to me,” Garza says. “I didn't want to totally kick porn or stop exploring with other people [after I got married].”
Keep an eye out for: Knowing your limits. Don’t be shy to remove yourself from a situation that feels overwhelming, close a porn clip that’s starting to make you uncomfortable, or changing your mind if at first your body said “go” and now your gut says “no!”
“Take care of yourself, and make seuxal choices for the right reasons,” Garza says. “You should be in tune with your choices and why you’re making them,” Garza says.
Feel Comfortable Being Honest With Your Partner
If you feel you can’t be honest with your partner, it might be worth thinking about why—are you afraid of being vulnerable, or is it that you don’t quite trust that person? If it’s the latter, you may want to rethink pursuing any more sexual activity with them until you can gain some clarity—or move on to the next.
Keep an eye out for: Being pressured into something you’re not comfortable with.
“My husband and I aren't in an open marriage, but were open- minded in our marriage. It's just about being honest with each other and what we want and like and having a good honest open discussion about it,” Garza says.
Trying new things—toys, people, positions, and much more—should be a conversation with your partner, and if at any point you don’t feel comfortable, do not be ashamed to use a safe word or stop the action. What we think we’re comfortable with might change as any given situation progresses.
Feel Comfortable In Your Skin As A Sexual Being
Get out there and feeling liberated to have as much safe, casual sex as you want.
“If a sex party is your thing, if you like watching pon, go for it. We shouldn't be ashamed anymore. We’ve been shamed for so many years,” Garza says. “We’re in a powerful cultural shift where women are coming forward after being silenced about their sexuality for so long.”
Keep an eye out for: Your motivation. Are you hooking up with guys to prove that you’re beautiful, desirable, or because you’re afraid to be alone with your thoughts? That might be something to look at and discuss with a therapist or someone you trust.
“I didn’t know how to have loving sex or be in a healthy relationship. I needed to have shame and I needed to feel bad and that's the only way I knew how to have pleasure, and i was hooked on that combination,” Garza says. “You can't measure sex addiction for someone else. It’s for everyone to take a hard look at their actions and decide for themselves if they're using it in an unhealthy way.”
If you are just ready to get out there as a woman who enjoys sex and wants to explore, right on.
Garza’s parting words to live by
“Get a vibrator, explore your body, see what you like, don't be afraid of fantasy, explore your mind, be honest in the bedroom, and don’t fall into the trap of “performative sex.” Women might think sex lokos a certain way, or a guy will like a certain things, but it’s important to be real and honest and not be afraid of being vulnerable about your desires.”
Originally written and shared on Dame
Dream team Kim & Paolo let us in on one of their sexy secrets to a happy relationship – mutual masturbation. The sex-positive couple shares their thoughts on how masturbating together can deepen your bond and love for each other and enhance sexual communication in a relationship. Kim and Paolo look at masturbation as an act of self-care and as part of their wellness routine. They want other couples to know that masturbating in a relationship does not indicate sexual dissatisfaction or lack of attraction towards your partner. And since acts speak louder than words, Kim and Paolo invite us to join them for an intimate, explicit mutual masturbation in their own home. Join them and see for yourself that couples who masturbate together – stay together!
Sharing a living space with someone can sometimes mean making sacrifices. Maybe you can’t play your music as loud as you want or you’re expected to do your dishes punctually. One thing you shouldn’t sacrifice is masturbation. Self-care is important, and that includes masturbation no matter how frequent or infrequent you do it.
So, how do you keep things from being awkward?
First, start off with an open conversation with your roommate. Whether you share a room or share a wall, acknowledge that masturbation is something that happens. There may be walk-ins or overhearing, but that’s okay. If you talk about it in advance and turn it into something that is open and comfortable, it won’t be so terrifying if one of you happens to be caught in the act.
After chatting, do a wall test. A huge mood killer is the worry that your roommate can overhear your vibrator. Kill that paranoia before it can even happen. A wall test is simple. Turn on your vibrator to your favorite setting and then go into your roommate’s room. You may be shocked to learn that your buzzing vibe isn’t as loud as you thought it was.
If you share a room, try masturbating in the shower. Hot water dripping down your body as you grind to your favorite fantasy is quite the rush and can lead to a pretty satisfying orgasm.
If you know you get loud, put on some music. You can find a sexy playlist on Spotify or make your own. When in doubt, play the 2013 album Beyoncé by Beyoncé. To take it a step further, put your favorite porn on silent while playing your playlist.
Finally, play with temperature. If heat helps you cum, layering on the blankets will make you toasty while dampening the sound. For those who like it cool, a fan can help with more privacy.
Following these tips should lead to better selfie sessions and less roomie tension.
Written by Maddie Allard, Emojibator
Since the Fall of 2017, we have seen a growth in solidarity behind Tarana Burke’s #MeToo movement. Hundreds of people have found the strength within themselves to hold their abusers accountable for the damage they’ve done. From the toppling of greats like Harvey Weinstein to our own friends speaking up, we’ve come to learn that more people, specifically women, have experienced sexual assault than originally thought.
Speaking up in itself is a form of healing. Finding the strength within to tell your friends, family, or even just your therapist is a great step forward in recovering from the trauma of the assault. Of course, there will be some roadblocks. Memories of traumas can seep in unexpectedly and haunt your sex life. It can be embarrassing, frightening, and absolutely frustrating.
Re-teaching your body how to enjoy pleasure is a great step towards healing yourself after experiencing assault. This doesn’t mean forcing yourself to masturbate every day until you like it again. It means exploring yourself slowly and sensually over time. It’s hard to say where to start because everyone is so different. It’s important, however, to begin with your triggers in mind so you know to avoid anything that will sour your experience. If you’re using toys, try ones that aren’t anatomically correct. Your end goal is to find things that excite you while feeling safe.
Healing from sexual trauma is a long, painful journey. Masturbation and exploring self-pleasure is just one small step in the process. For more information on the healing process, this Bustle article provides some easy steps to follow. No matter who you are, know you are not alone, we believe you, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Written by Maddie Allard, Marketing Manager of Emojibator
Got a funky puss? It is probably due to a pH imbalance.
“What’s pH you say?"
PH is a measurement of the acidity or alkalinity of a substance or environment, the vaginal environment in this case. Less than 7 is acidic, higher than 7 is basic.
A healthy pussy has a pH between 3.8-4.5, which is slightly acidic. For post-menopausal people, their pH is at about a 5.
The natural acidity of the vagina allows it to fight off bacterial infections and prevent the growth of yeast. However, this same pH that allows you to maintain healthy vaginal flora can also damage and even kill sperm.
Understanding vaginal pH is vital to sexual wellness and pleasure. Despite its importance to sexual health, there is not much information given to those with vaginas about how to obtain and maintain healthy flora. Knowing the pH of your vagina is an easy and effective way to monitor health.
How to measure pH
So, now that we know the value of our vaginal pH…how do we measure it?
Most of the time you will be able to tell if your pH is off. Symptoms of an imbalanced pH level can be quite obvious. Too high or low can result in:
Itching or burning
Foul or fishy smells
Grey or green cervical fluid
Unusual changes to the consistency of cervical fluid
And an overall crappy feeling
However, to be certain your pussy is always on pHleek, there are test kits you can buy to measure your own vaginal pH. It is simple! Just insert the litmus strip into your vagina, wait a few seconds, and match the color to the chart.
What disrupts the balance of pH?
Unprotected sex. Semen is very basic, too much exposure can increase the pH of the vagina.
Poor diet. Sugars, alcohol, and processed foods can make your body acidic.
Panty problems. Let your pussy breath! Sleep naked and switch to 100% cotton underwear.
Excessive douching. The vagina regulates itself through the production of cervical fluid. Balancing the bacteria and excreting anything harmful. Too much douching harms the delicate flora and disrupts the natural process of cleansing secretions.
Antibiotics. Antibiotics not only kicks the infection you are fighting off, but it also kills the good bacteria as well.
Low estrogen. Estrogen levels change as we age, lower estrogen increases pH and thins and irritates the vaginal tissues.
Spermicide. Nonoxynol-9 is used in lubricants to slow and kill semen. Nonoxynol-9 has been proven to damage the vaginal flora and tissues and can affect the production of lactobacillus, the healthy bacteria, in the vagina. So invest in a safe, sensitive, sperm-loving lube.
The natural ebb and flow
PH levels fluctuate throughout the cycle and the lifetime of an individual. This fluctuation is an important process in the fertility of the womb.
Throughout the menstrual cycle, there are two major increases in pH levels. The first rise is during menstruation, as blood has a neutral pH of 7. The second spike is during ovulation (the fertile phase of your cycle). During ovulation the cervical fluid becomes more alkaline, increasing to a pH of 7, the same as semen. This alkalinity allows the semen to survive in the cervical fluid for 2-7 days.
Other hormonal events in life that naturally increase vaginal pH levels include pregnancy, postpartum, and menopause.
Dangers of an unbalanced pH
Nobody wants a basic pussy...it decreases vaginal flora and creates an environment where unhealthy bacteria can thrive. Having an elevated pH level puts you at an increased risk of infections such as:
Bacterial Vaginosis. (if left untreated can cause preterm labor)
Studies show a high pH increases the risk of contracting STIs like chlamydia and HIV
An acidic pH, or a sour puss as I like to call it, does not cause many infections or disease. However, it does create discomfort during sex and urination, as well as fertility problems. Having a low pH creates a hostile environment for semen to survive.
How to fix your fanny
Natural Home Remedies for a Basic Vagina
When it comes to a basic pussy it is important to reintroduce good bacteria and lower the pH to fight infections.
Insertables: Douches & Suppositories
YOGURT PUSSY POPS. Organic, unsweetened yogurt has lactobacillus cultures in it. This is the good, vagina-loving bacteria. To make pussy pops put plain organic yogurt into an ice tray or mold, freeze and insert before bed. Pro tip: wear a pad on to prevent a mess. Alternatively, you can dip a tampon in yogurt and insert it for a couple of hours. Repeat 1-2x per day until symptoms have disappeared.
APPLE CIDER VINEGAR. Incorporate apple cider vinegar into your daily routine. Drink one tablespoon of ACV straight up or with some water daily to maintain a healthy pH level. For internal treatment take a sitz bath using one cup of apple cider vinegar diluted in your bath water. You can also use a solution of 2 tablespoons of ACV in 1 cup of water and douche with this solution. Pro tip: add 1-2 teaspoons of raw honey. Honey is antimicrobial and heals the tissues. Only douche with this solution if you have a basic pH and need to rebalance, other than that douche as little as possible.
COCONUT OIL SUPPOSITORIES. Coconut oil does wonders for the pussy. It’s antibacterial, antifungal, and helps to soften and repair tissues. To balance pH you can use coconut oil by itself or with essential oils. For easy insertion freeze the oil into molds. If you want to incorporate essential oils take 4 tablespoons of melted coconut oil and add 2-3 drops of tea tree oil and/or lavender oil (this is a safe amount of essential oils to begin. Rule of thumb: about 5 drops per ¼ cup). You can also use thyme or eucalyptus oils as well. Break up coconut oil squares into suppository-sized pieces and insert 1-2x per day.
Ingestibles: Herbs, supplements, and teas
PROBIOTICS. It is important to incorporate the good bacteria back into your body (especially if you were on antibiotics).
THE GREEN STUFF. Chlorella, spirulina, or wheatgrass. These green superfoods are incredibly high alkaline. They are powerful fighters of free radicals and will kick your pH back into balance. You can ingest these as powders or pills.
INCREASE CONSUMPTION OF ALKALINE HERBS. A great way to make sure your vagina is in constant balance is to increase your intake of high alkaline herbs and spices.
Tumeric & Cayenne pepper: these two herbs are potent anti-inflammatory herbs and are very high alkaline and anti-cancer.
Garlic: Garlic has powerful anti-microbial effects. Incorporate this into your diet to alkalize your body. You can also use garlic internally. Insert a clove inside the vagina before bed and remove in the morning. Pro tip: sew a thread through the clove for easy removal. One treatment should be sufficient, however, you can use it again the next night if needed.
Dandelion: Eat the greens or drink the tea. This is an incredible herb for alkalizing your body and for optimal reproductive health.
PHYTO-ESTROGENS FOR HORMONAL BALANCE. If your imbalance is due to hormonal changes or low estrogen you can combat these effects by using herbs that are high in phytoestrogens. These herbs include:
Nuts and seeds like: sesame, flax, almonds, and walnuts.
Natural Home Remedies fo an Acidic vagina.
BALANCE YOUR DIET & BALANCE YOUR PH. Ingesting high acid foods causes a decrease of pH in your body. Cut out or drastically decrease the ingestion of sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and processed foods.
BAKING SODA. You can make a solution of 1 tablespoon to 2 cups of warm water and use this as a douche a few times a week, or until you’ve achieved balance.
WATER! WATER! WATER! Hydrate yourself.
Healthy Pussy = Happy Pussy
Now we know how to attain a pussy poppin’ pH level, I will leave you with some amazing products that will be sure to keep your sexual health and pleasure in balance.
Keep your pH low and your standards high!
*This article is merely informative and not meant to be medical advice. Always remember to always consult your physician before trying anything on this list.
Valarie Merced is a sexuality and relationship coach focusing on deepening intimacy and connection with self and others. She is the founder and editor-in-chief of Precipice Magazine, a print-only psychological exploration of sex, desire, and love through an academic and artistic lens. Follow Precipice to keep informed about the release of issue one.
My high school English teacher- I had a crush on him in high school and always had him on my “fuck it” list. The more I think about it, the more I know the power dynamic would be incredibly inappropriate in real life. Still, I like to imagine myself sitting on his desk while he watches me masturbate.
My favorite porn- I found it on woodrocket.com. A woman finishes up a photoshoot and then masturbates as a ‘present’ for the photographer. You don’t see him, just one or his hands as she masturbates with a glass chili pepper dildo. She rips her fishnets and squirts multiple times. Idk why but it just does something for me. Recently it was taken down from wood rocket and there’s so much content out there that I’ve virtually given up ever seeing it again. If you want to search for it, the title is something like “So and So is a Cocktease”.
My crushes- I’m a server and I recently waited on the most beautiful man ever. He and I really clicked and I’m hoping I get to see him again. Recently I masturbated while imagining him going down on me and it was one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had.
My own tits- I have gorgeous giant tits that I love so much. Sometimes all I need to do is take my shirt off and play with them and I’m there. #blessed
Andrew Gurza’s mission is to shine a big bright light on how sexuality and disability feels for real – uncensored. If we want to have inclusive discussions about sexuality, the perspective of people with disabilities is indispensable and extremely valuable for understanding the importance of masturbation for our sex life and the connection we have with our bodies and minds. In this installment of The Lust Ed video series, Andrew talks about his experience with sex, masturbation, disability and queerness. We love Andrew’s vital message to his audience: Disabled people are hot. They are sexual beings and they have the right to get off.
Click here to watch the video
Let me preface this by saying, I was an art minor, ok? I took a single art history class, a handful of figure drawing classes, and shaded my share of nipples. So, yes, everything I am about to say is obviously very real, very researched (Wikipedia) and very realistic.
Here we go:
Grande Odalisque by Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres
Apparently women in the 1800’s were constantly being asked to pose for paintings at what seems like extremely inopportune moments. It’s no surprise this work signifies Ingres’ shift toward exotic Romanticism. This scene has all the markings of a proper masturbating sesh: the nakedness, the feather duster, the ‘What the fuck do you want, Jean?’ look. It’s been said this figure was purposely, anatomically incorrect, having an excess of five vertebrae, one for each orgasm she was trying to achieve.
Portrait of Madame Récamier by Jacques-Louis David
Another example of an inopportune moment. Madame Récamier is obviously annoyed. Even the suspicious placement of her hand looks like it has other things in mind. Here she was about to have herself a nice afternoon of pleasure in her very nice house dress (sidenote: I love masturbating in a house dress) and Jacques-Louis comes strolling in with his oils. Come on, Jacques-Louis! Can’t you see she was just about to crank up the ole steam-powered Manipulator? Geez!
Birth of Venus by Sandro Botticelli
Venus has been my inspiration to keep my hair long enough so that if I’m ever naked and don’t want to be, I’ll be ok. Despite just being born, Venus is somehow a full-grown woman with the child-bearing hips to prove it. Her smile, hand on chest, and sick-ass ponytail covering her crotch is what I strive for in the perfect nude selfie. Once she catches a glimpse of herself reflected in the water below her, she’ll be requesting a little privacy in her giant scallop shell.
Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci
Ah, the age ole question: What is behind the eyes and smile of Miss Mona Lisa? But helllloooo. It’s so obvious. Girl just jacked it! And my guess is She. Came. A. Lot. Look at those tired, half-closed eyes, the smirk smacked across her face. I walked around looking like Mona Lisa for at least a week upon discovering the Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator. Something's telling me it's about to be nap time for Mona.
Whistler’s Mother by James McNeill Whistler
Why, Whistler’s Mother, aren’t your hands cleverly placed? I’ve never posed for an iconic American painting but I imagine it is not a quick process. And when your hands are in that special spot for a long time, keeping warm, keeping pressure, getting a little horny is inevitable. Unfortunately, being painted by your son probably brings on the opposite effect so I hope Whistler’s Mother (aka Anna), was treated to a pint at the corner pub at the end of her pose.
American Gothic by Grant Wood
This painting by Grant Wood is said to be a father and his grown-up daughter somewhere in Iowa. Look at her longing eyes, her tight-lipped grimace. Something tells me she doesn’t have the box full of porn or vibrators under her bed like the rest of her friends and, boy, does she need them. Girl, get off the farm and catch a bus to the big city (Des Moines?)! It’s time for you to move out and rub one out.
Liberty Leading the People by Eugène Delacroix
Liberty has just led her people to freedom and is about to get her rocks off in the biggest way. She and her people have taken down King Charles X. Behind her a lot of horned up men follow, guns blazing. Sheesh, I’d take my shirt off too. Liberty looks like how I feel when I get off a plane. ‘I just came out of the sky and I need to get laid! Out of my way!’ This painting has said to have gone on and inspired Les Miserables and our beloved Statue of Liberty. Seems everyone was horny for this one.
Self-Portrait as the Allegory of Painting by Artemisia Gentileschi
I’m pretty sure this painting makes me want to masturbate perhaps more than Gentileschi herself. You may ask why. There’s no nudity, no beheading of Holofernes. But what there is is a successful, female artist painting herself being a successful female artist during a time when being a woman was viewed as wildly negative. Gentileschi was showing the world what women were capable of without hiding behind a bowl of fruit, a landscape or yet another saint. As someone who has masturbated to her own selfies, I applaud Gentileschi.
Portrait of the Artist by Mary Cassatt
Mary Cassatt was known for painting the private lives of women, usually between mothers and children. But this portrait seems much less motherly and more more ‘I see something I likey.’ Ok so, Mary probably wouldn’t talk like that (and maybe I shouldn’t talk like that) but she’ll definitely be thinking about whomever she’s looking at when she gets home.
Autoportrait (Tamara in a Green Bugatti) by Tamara de Lempicka
Tamara de Lempicka was commissioned to paint a cover for the German fashion magazine, Die Dame (The Lady) and even though she didn’t own a Bugatti, nor were women associated with cars at this time, she had no problem plopping herself in this sports car for the portrait. This woman gives no fucks. She is fast, she is free and she is hopefully fingering herself (safely) at a cool 60mph.
When you showed up at the bar that Tuesday, we melted into one another like roux for risotto. I couldn’t grasp the reality which was that you hadn’t been there all along. Right there next to me by the apples at the grocery store. A few steps ahead of me on the ocean-side cliff-walk. Behind me, wrapping your arms around me the way an aromatic Scotch pine wraps its way around one’s senses upon entering a small house at Christmas time. It was New Year fireworks, shots of tequila, confetti and rainbow streamers. It was you and me, you and me in an Einstein c reality.
Limbs intertwined in the back of your home-on-wheels, you’d asked me if I’d done it before and I confessed to you that I hadn’t. When you asked if I wanted to, I dissolved into laughter. From the fire in your eyes, I knew you meant what you said and it awed me. I told you “yes” with a thrill of excitement; “Yes, I will do that with you.”
No one had ever wanted me in that way. A silly grin chiseled into my jaw like marble. We gazed into the depths of the other’s eyes; one soul smiling into another. Terror and bliss began bubbling inside of me. How wonderful I thought of it, to share this incredibly intimate first with you.
We giggled uncontrollably. Nervous for the first time, maybe. Maybe I was giggling about how sensitive my delicate skin was reacting to the clumsy caress of yours. No one had ever touched me there before. I had to control my breathing as your lubricated fingertips traced the edges of the crevice which was about to be explored.
“Maybe I should hit it from behind?” you suggested, and together we rolled around, out of control in a joyed and hysterical laughter.
Your mountain man hands grasped the circumference of my waist in near entirety, and flipped me over to my stomach effortlessly. The confident smirk and animalistic growl you shot at me sent a rush of blood to my lady bits and my ass up high in the air. As you positioned yourself behind me, I wiggled my body into a more accessible position. Not sure if you would slide in easily or not, I braced myself and took a deep breath. But you maneuvered yourself in without any difficulty. In-and-out, in-and-out, in-and I pushed you off of me, gasping for air, still cackling at the ticklish sensation moving down my body. A breath of lavender and sage-infused oxygen rushed into my lungs. I raised my right arm and rubbed beneath it in an attempt to calm the feverish goosebumps. The rubbing wiped away what was left of the lube and I smeared it into your sheets without you seeing. Mm, I was so glad I’d worn deodorant that day. A pleasant little “smellmento” (if you will) of our first armpit encounter.
Originally posted on Gabi GoGos
We live in a world that slaps the terms “self-love” and “self-care” on every possible product- as if it's the new “gluten-free”. This craze makes care into an obligation. This can be beneficial but doesn't address an issue we experience - how can you truly experience pleasure if you feel like you don't deserve it? This is something we go through as black women and wanted to focus on during our event “Your Mess Is Your Best”. This event is about accepting what you may consider being flawed head on so that you can give yourself pleasure- something that is a step beyond self-care.
As black women, you're constantly working to support the people around you. Despite being the most marginalized group, we are the group that protects all other groups. With this albatross on our shoulders, it can be difficult to feel like we truly deserve pleasure. We're trained to believe that we should always be doing something, if not the guilt follows. We say FUCK THAT, so we've listed our favorite ways that we unapologetically give ourselves pleasure.
A list of ways we unapologetically pleasure ourselves:
Masturbation- duh, any and every time of day
Staying in bed longer than I need to
Ice Cream, particularly made by Weckerly's
Smoking a lot of weed
Making travel a priority
Leaving work even just 5 minutes early
Did we say masturbation already?
Taking a long drive that often ends at Krispy Kreme
We hope that you can take these examples and pleasure yourself because trust us, you deserve it!
About The Hoe And The Hopeless: Kia and Debora are two black women who live in Philadelphia. On their comedic podcast “The Hoe and The Hopeless” they speak about dating in the city, past sexual experiences, mental/sexual health and whatever they feel like that day. You can listen to It on Soundcloud, Spotify, Itunes Podcast, and Sticher and find them on Instagram.
I was at the bar fixing myself a gin drink when I heard you. “That whole thing was a setup,” you said to me.
When I looked up, you were in front of me, all of your attention focused on me as I tightened the cap to the soda water. There weren’t more than thirty people at the party but I somehow hadn’t noticed you, not until now.
I was dazzled by how attractive you were—momentarily speechless. You were taller than me, maybe six foot. The black from your t-shirt matched the black of your hair, it was short but not too short—it was well kept but messy, casual—it was an expensive haircut. Your facial hair was the perfect amount of scruff, not so much so that I couldn’t make out jawline, but just enough, I would come to find out, to be soft against the delicate skin of my inner thighs. As our eyes focused on one another, I knew that you were the reason I came here tonight.
I giggled and told you, “I knew it!” I knew that every word of his bit was garbage. We had just finished watching a “Dirty Mind Reading” show (or so they called it)—basically just a tricky trickster trying to get the audience to say the word cunt. But it had been entertaining nonetheless. We were in the basement of an old building in Manhattan—I was told the space was previously used as an escape room —you know the ones, a puzzle house you have to solve your way out of. This made sense as the rooms seemed to spill into another without any apparent rhyme or reason. Many of the rooms seemed too small and oddly shaped to be used for any logical reason, but it really made for the perfect venue to host a sex party.
I had come to the party with some co-workers from Emojibator—we had just finished a weekend working a trade show at the Brooklyn SexExpo and an associate of our CEO got us guest-listed for this particular event afterward.
You took a step towards me—our eyes locked on one another. You smiled and held out your hand. “My name is Jack.” You were so confident. I took your hand and I introduced myself as Gabriella. That’s when I caught your accent. You told me you were from Paris but lived in New York now. I melted forgot about everyone else in the world.
After we exchanged a few more minutes of conversation, I was finding myself intoxicated by your gaze. Another show let out of the meeting room. The bar filled in and the noise picked up; you took my hand and led me to a room off the hallway. It was less of a room and more of a nook—the entire floor was taken up by a large mattress and furry pillows. There wasn’t a door, or even a wall for that matter, to separate it from the hall. The space was dimly red-lit and had a jungle vibe. There were large green plants on the ledge above the bed.
We reclined onto the mattress facing one another, propped up by elbows. The conversation flowed forward effortlessly and I watched as your fingers began to trace the seams of my jeans. You followed my gaze and asked if it was okay for you to touch me there, I smiled and nodded my head yes. The other people at the party passed by us in the hallway. Were they looking in, watching us? I never took my eyes off of you to notice—or to care.
Then you asked if you could kiss me. When you took my face into your hands, I felt it melt through the spaces in between your fingers. My body pressed up against yours. Your hands slid up my sides causing my blouse to dematerialize. I kicked off my boots and climbed on top of you, pushing you onto your back. I ran my tongue up your neck, stopping to breathe into your ear. You grabbed my hips and flipped me on to my back. Strong. Your lips moved from my neck, down my breasts to the top of my panties—black like the clothes you were still wearing. You slid my jeans onto the floor and then you placed your hand on my panties and paused, feeling the warmth beneath them. After a moment of thought, you asked me if I had ever tried the MotorBunny—they were sponsoring the party after all.
The MotorBunny is a roller coaster ride of a sex toy. It’s practically a saddle with different attachments, anything from little nodular texture pads to double pronged dildos—I’d seen it at the Expo.
I told you I hadn’t tried it and when you asked if I wanted to, I blushed. Of course I wanted to. You took me again by the hand—there was something about holding your hand that made me feel completely comfortable being naked in front of a bunch of strangers. You led me further down the hallway and we passed differently themed rooms. In one, a man with a leather mask and harness pounded a loud blonde woman in stiletto heels from behind, against what looked like a metal hospital table. In a neon-lit room, a woman with pigtails was playing with a toy made out of fluffy pink feathers.
When we got to the room with the MotorBunny, the host of the party was sitting on a couch with a beautiful woman, engaged in conversation. We all greeted one another and I knelt down as you changed the intimidatingly large dildo attachment to a smaller, more innocent-looking textured one.
Again you took my hand as you positioned me. I was getting drunk off your touch. I balanced myself on my knees. You took a step back and sat down on the floor and grabbed what looked like a Nintendo controller, never taking your eyes off of me.
You began to manipulate the controller and the world beneath me started to rumble. I closed my eyes to relax into what was now my reality. You watched me as I took in a deep breath. When I exhaled a moan, the people on the couch stopped their conversation and redirected their attention to me.
You intensified the vibrations—stronger and faster. My body writhed against the saddle. As my breathing intensified and my moaning grew louder, I felt the pressure building between my legs—it was getting hot and squishy and I was having trouble controlling the movement of my body.
RIGHT, LEFT, DOWN, UP, A, B, START!
Beneath me, the earth was quaking, white hot and ready to erupt. I couldn’t hold myself up anymore and my knees scrambled on the ground to regain balance. That’s when you dropped the controller and wrapped your arms around me, pressing me down onto the saddle with your body weight. I couldn’t escape the storm. I cried out loudly as my world dissolved, exploding into heat and bright light. Waves of a deathly pleasure rippled through my body, each with more intensity until I disappeared completely. Gone.
You reached down with one arm and turned the toy off but quickly brought it back to hold me—I was paralyzed. Literally paralyzed. I couldn’t move my body and you knew it. The world was fuzzy now. Pieces slowly falling back into the places they had once been. You held me until I knew who I was again. A smile crept onto my face and I started to breathe. When the feeling returned to my fingers, I raised my hands to run them through your hair, giggling into your ear red-faced, “Holy shit.”
We went back to the jungle room and picked up where we had left off there—my friends long gone now. As the party came to a close you asked me back to your place. I thought hard about it but decided I wouldn’t—it was my last night in NYC. You walked me out and kissed me sweetly, thanking me for a wonderful evening. I hopped in an Uber and sped off to meet my friends for tacos. We danced until the sky turned pink in the city that never sleeps and it occurred to me that it ain’t a bad way to start the night, with a little death.
Originally posted on Gabi GoGos
Female ejaculation or Squirting has something of a mythical reputation. In this explicit video guide, performer and squirting-enthusiast Kali Sudhra reveals the secrets of female ejaculation. From a brief history of squirting to debunking some annoying myths, finding your G-Spot and showing you the best techniques, positions and toys for squirting. If you are ready to lose your squirting virginity, prepare to wet your pants!
From Erika Lust
Traveling with sex toys may sound a little bit risky, but as a frequent wanderer with itchy feet, I can assure you it’s not a problem. At all. If you can enjoy pleasure at home, why wouldn’t you do so in your hotel or Airbnb? Do not be afraid of the security control, it’s very common to see sex toys in hundreds of suitcases. If they open yours, cool your jets! There’s nothing wrong. However, there are some details that you should consider. Continue reading to find 4 tips and make your flight with sex toys a lot easier.
Get to know your destination
Bear in mind that some countries do not allow the entrance of sex toys, so you’ll need to investigate a little bit. For example, in Vietnam, your sex toy would be held in customs and then returned to you once you leave the country. If you’re traveling to Vietnam or to another country with the same policy, your best option is to leave the toy at home and enjoy some handiwork during your trip.
Also, if your bestie is a vibrator that works with a rechargeable battery check whether you’ll need or not a socket adaptor. It was one of my common mistakes when I first traveled with my vibrator and I can tell you it’s kind of difficult to find the adaptor that fits in your destination. The best is to bring it with you, and do not forget the USB cable!
We all know that it’s quite difficult to find the right vibrator. The one that hits the spot. Besides, a good vibrator is not usually cheap, so you’ll need to look after it during your flight. My advice is that you keep it in its bag if it has one. If not, you can wrap it with a scarf. Once it’s ready, pack it consciously in the center of your suitcase, as far from the borders as possible and between your clothes.
I prefer to keep my vibrator in my hand luggage, which is normally a cabin size suitcase. Thereby, it’s easier to avoid it from being hit or high-temperature exposure that might occur during the flight or the checked luggage transfer.
Lube and toy cleaner? Be careful
You’re not allowed to carry any quantity of liquid in your hand luggage. Remember that you have 100 ml. limit of liquid for each bottle, and all of them should fit into a transparent plastic bag you’ll find in the security control.
This can be a problem if you’re not used to it, so here’s what I do. Instead of a bottle of lubricant, I try to find monodose water-based lubes and I leave the heavy clean up with the toy cleaner for home. When I travel I just rinse the sex toys, wash them with a little bit of soap and allow them to dry.
Lock and then unlock
Some vibrators have a travel lock to ensure safe transportation. Once, my air pulse sex toy started sucking up in my handbag while I was in the tube and I wouldn’t like to repeat the experience. Despite the noise in the train, my toy was audible enough!
Read carefully the instructions to see if your toy has a travel lock. It’s usually activated when pressing and holding one or two buttons for a while. If your vibrator works with batteries, remove them.
Have you already checked your luggage? Is everything packed? Have a nice flight then!
Written by Thais Duthie, writer and sex blogger from Barcelona
took my pants off.
My mom knocked on the door.
I put my pants back on.
I told my mom I didn’t need her to do my laundry (I did).
I took my pants off again.
I thought about fucking.
I thought about fucking on the twin bed below me.
I thought about how quiet and careful I’d have to be.
I went on Facebook.
The boy who beat me in the 1996 spelling bee randomly liked a post.
I thought about fucking the boy who beat me in the 1996 spelling bee.
My dad yelled asking if I wanted ravioli.
I yelled ‘Yeah, I’ll eat some, thanks!’
I tried remembering the word that made me lose.
It wasn’t ‘photosynthesis’.
I definitely spelled that one right.
Can you believe it?
A 5th grader correctly spelling photosynthesis?
It was amazing.
I came again.
I messaged the boy who beat me in the 1996 spelling bee.
He told me the word was ‘hygiene’.
He also told me he was divorced.
I came again!
My dad yelled asking how many ravioli I wanted.
I yelled ‘How big are they?’
He yelled ‘They’re decent!’
I yelled ‘I’ll take 4!’
I closed my eyes.
I thought about fucking again.
Twin bed, divorced, quiet, photosynthesis...
My dad yelled that dinner was ready.
I yelled ‘Okay!’
I kept trying for a fourth.
My mom yelled that dinner was ready.
I yelled ‘I know!’
I got frustrated.
I put my pants on.
I went downstairs.
I ate ravioli.
I asked my dad for a ride to Mike’s.
My dad drove me to Mike’s.
I commented on the neighbor’s lawn.
I thought of that time in college he picked me up from TJ’s.
And I reeked of marijuana.
Did I reek of masturbation?
I told myself to shut up.
We got to Mike’s.
I told my dad I loved him.
By Carolyn Busa: Comedian and Writer, @MISSTOILETSLAVE
Creator of MY SEX PROJECT
While I remember being taught sex ed -- by my reluctant mother at age 8, in an embarrassing sixth-grade slideshow, and a final time in my high school health class -- I don’t recall masturbation being included in that education.
Masturbation was something I taught myself. Although I’ve heard it’s normal for young children and even babies to play with their genitals, it wasn’t until I reached an early pubescence that I began exploring those areas for myself. My budding hips seemed possessed as they humped nonconsenting pieces of furniture, while implements like combs and toothbrushes became my first dildos.
Because no one ever explained masturbation to me, it inherently felt wrong. I would patiently wait until everyone in the house was asleep before I allowed my curious hands to cautiously venture under the covers.
It was thanks to masturbation that I had my first orgasm just before my eighteenth birthday. I still remember it clearly: I was home alone after school watching the soap opera Passions, lying in front of the TV with a blanket draped over me. I was motivated mostly by boredom and still wasn’t sure what an orgasm felt like, half convinced I’d already had one. I don’t know how much time passed, only that at a certain point I felt my focus shift away from the TV, surrendering completely to the pleasure that was expanding in my lower abdomen.
My movements became hurried and frantic as I instinctively conducted my desire to a dramatic crescendo. The next thing I knew my entire body was contracting into itself as waves of ecstasy rolled through me. Immediately I understood what all of my friends meant when they said, “When it happens, you’ll know.”
Obsessed with this new talent, I locked myself in the bathroom for a solid thirty minutes, my fist in my mouth as I let orgasm after orgasm wash over me. From that point on, I would masturbate several times before bed every night, allowing that peak of energy to lull me to sleep.
It wasn’t until my boyfriend complained about his difficulty helping me reach an orgasm that I realized this habit could be a hindrance. It was a problem I only had with him, but he was my first boyfriend, my first love, and my first sex partner, so I figured I must be doing something wrong.
“Maybe don’t do it as often?” he suggested, suddenly an expert on women’s sexuality.
And with that, a belief began to take hold that I should not overindulge this behavior, that doing so would have negative ramifications on my sex life. I began limiting my masturbation to once a week or less and would often feel shame after reaching orgasm. It wasn’t until recently that I began to recognize just how deeply this belief had imprinted itself into my unconscious.
A few weeks ago I was lying on the couch when I felt a familiar stirring and impulse to self-pleasure. But I also suspected that I might be sleeping with someone later that night and began to reason with myself that I should wait so that I could have a more satisfying experience later on.
Denying myself orgasm in anticipation of sex wasn’t a new concept, yet for some reason, the thought struck me differently this time. Who had enforced this ceiling on my pleasure? Isn’t pleasure limitless, only becoming more attainable the more often we access it?
I traced this belief back to my high school boyfriend, who I now know was just as inexperienced as me and whose opinion should not be treated as factual. I consider myself a pretty open-minded, sexually liberated woman, so the fact that I had been harboring this untruth was startling, to say the least. Why was I letting an experience from almost 15 years ago define my relationship to self-pleasure?
So to combat that idea, I masturbated, affirming to myself that my potential for pleasure is endless. Ever since this realization I’ve been masturbating more often as a way of intentionally disproving my ex-boyfriend’s theory.
This epiphany led me to an understanding of how masturbation has been helping me unlearn toxic beliefs for years without my knowing.
Several years ago, when the loss of 60 lbs left my body feeling unfamiliar and scarred over with stretch marks, it was masturbation that helped me understand and appreciate this newly remodeled home.
The introduction of Chakrubs, a natural crystal wand with gentle healing properties, into my self-pleasure routine helped me release the shameful belief that masturbation is sinful and embrace it as a self-care practice. My nurturing and compassionate qualities feel magnified when I use my Chakrub and it becomes easy to discern that the negative associations I’ve held around masturbation are not innately mine.
My Chakrub practice has also helped me recognize that orgasm does not have to be my singular goal and that I can find just as much delight in exploring my body without purpose. Unlike many sex toys that can be switched on or off, my Chakrub requires presence. As it warms with my body temperature, it affirms that we are creating a unique experience together. It encourages me to be more mindful about practicing self-consent and really tune into what I am craving on a physical level. Sometimes that might include penetration with my Chakrub, but I’ve found that rolling it against my skin for a sensual external massage can be just as satisfying depending on my mood.
Masturbation is not just a tool for releasing stress and finding bliss in our bodies but can be utilized for unlearning outdated beliefs that have taken hold in our psyches. Through self-pleasure, we can begin to identify the harmful illusions we have been indoctrinated in and consciously work to unravel them, one orgasm at a time.
Danielle Dorsey is a full-time writer and part-time tarot reader who resides in Southern California. She is the Editorial Director for Chakrubs, the Original Crystal Sex Toy Company.
Chakrubs are pleasure tools handcrafted from 100% natural crystal. These beautiful wands are created with the intention of opening oneself up to the healing properties crystals provide. Combining sensual pleasure with energetic awareness, Chakrubs are more than your favorite sex toys: they are devoted partners in every act of self-love.
When it comes to sex, many of us are people pleasers. The way to building our arousal becomes dependent on our lover’s satisfaction, and if our lover isn’t pleased, then we aren’t pleased, and it makes for a challenging sexual situation. However, when our lovers are satisfied, that’s when we become the most turned on, and the ability to orgasm becomes easier.
We aim to please for several reasons:
1) We enjoy the company of our lover(s),
2) It helps us with intimate, emotional and or physical bonding, and
3) It helps build our ego and confidence with our sexual techniques. Overall, it helps us to feel good about ourselves and with the person(s) that we’re with.
There are several ways that you can aim to please someone:
1) Pay attention to what they say to you and implement it into your sexual techniques.
2) Pay attention to what their body is saying to you while you’re performing the sexual procedures
3) Give feedback in the form of dialogue or moaning that indicates that you are enjoying the pleasure that you’re giving them. Aiming to please is a form of conquering a goal in which you want to achieve, which brings us to the next point of being able to please to aim until orgasm.
Pleasing to aim until orgasm is total goal-oriented behavior. It is about pleasing your lover until you can get the orgasm that you want them to have. It is also about getting as close to your orgasm as possible (and if you’re turned on enough, coming to orgasm without touching yourself!). When your goal-oriented and persistent, you will get what you want, provided that you make the right moves at the right moment and with the right attitude. Overall, pleasing to aim requires persistence, erotic acuity, and sexual intelligence. Having all these things will help you achieve the prowess that you need to please your lovers and please yourself!
The thing about continuing to evolve and learn about yourself and your changing needs is that sometimes they aren’t what you expect. Sometimes what you need is something that scares you and something you find surprisingly embarrassing. Lately I’ve been retreating into myself a bit and pretty disinterested in sex, more specifically sexual pleasure focused on my body. My husband forwarded me an Instagram post about someone being on the Ace Spectrum and I found myself feeling defensive and fearful. That’s not me! Is that me?
Over the course of my adolescence I had a tentative curiosity about sex. Masturbation was a major milestone and I did it a lot for a while, addicted to the short buzz all over my body. Later, I honed my ability to seduce men. It felt good to be desired and to give pleasure. I think that was my main motivator. I was hungry for all kinds of experiences through my 20s. And now, having found love, my feelings are shifting and I’m reflecting on those periods in my life.
I think I was attracted to power; maybe I still am. Back in my days of promiscuity, I liked to have sex with men who had prowess, someone I could learn from, extract their wisdom, experience, and skills through the dick. I loved peering into their lives, navigating these dates, and taking risks in the name of pleasure and in pursuit of something edgy: casual sex. Maybe there was a sense of pride or self worth in this talent for choosing my prey and getting what I wanted. Was it what I wanted? Was I told that my main source of value is my body? Was I subtly taught that sex was the main thing people wanted from me? I don’t know. I think it’s a mix of all that.
Finding love changes things. I had a hard time finding a good match for me in part because I possess the need for two things: sexual openness in the form of positivity and permission and dedicated companionship. It was tough for the men I dated to understand that these two qualities could coexist. They would see my desire for committed love and my desire for, eventually, some kind of ethically non-monogamous relationship as incompatible. Or they’d recognize my hunger for new sexual experiences as an impossible pairing with an interest in building a life together. And then I met Dan. He was actually going to model for the magazine! I am so grateful for Math Magazine, all the amazing experiences and people it’s brought into my life. Maybe most of all my husband.
We got married earlier this year and I didn’t know I could be this happy. Even as I start to think about my sexual journey up to this point he is unfaltering in his love and support. I judge myself but he doesn’t. I am fearful of what I’m learning about myself and his encouragement makes all the difference. The voice in my head rejects the idea of being asexual, how could the person who fucked a stranger in a field be asexual? How could a pornographer be asexual? The judgment is strong and I’m ashamed of that too! I realize accepting where I’m at now doesn’t negate my past and all the other ways I’ve been or will be. If I’m being honest with myself it’s valid. Layer upon layer, I’m peeling it all back and I can tell this is a part of the process. I’m in a new space. It’s unfamiliar, it’s strange but I’m ok with it thanks in large part to the sex positive community and the love of my partner.
I like the idea of expanding my ideas of sex positivity to better include the ways our desires and identities shift over time. I thought I had arrived but that isn’t how things really work, is it? I really love being a person who is always learning, growing, and changing. I think arriving and staying at a specific version of ourselves is a type of death. As cosmically beautiful as that sounds the actual experience can be tough. Like falling in love, having your heart totally broken, and finding a way to fall in love again; I think I’m learning how to continue to be kind to myself through all my sexually liberated seasons.
MacKenzie Peck founded Math Magazine in 2015. At the start, there were only 50 copies printed of Issue Zero and the brand has since grown exponentially. MacKenzie was born on Valentine's Day and raised in Danbury, Connecticut. Originally trained as an artist, MacKenzie earned a BFA magna cum laude from the Maryland Institute College of Art. She currently lives and works in Brooklyn.
I’m a pusher. A porn pusher. I push people to watch porn. And if you don’t know what movie I’m referencing, then you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. The problem is, sifting through mainstream pornsites is like shopping at a Forever21 — you have to wade through a lot of ugly shit before you find the thing that makes you tick. I’ve been combing through Pornhub videos for over a decade, so as you can imagine I’m somewhat of a porn connoisseur.
Sites like Bellesa, XConfessions, and Make Love Not Porn are curating and creating adult content with women in mind, but I have a hack that makes going to your local conglomerate mainstream pornsite less terrifying than need be. The answer is simple: discover your favorite pornstars and exclusively search for their videos. To make it even easier, you can make your own “playlist” on PornHub with your favorite movies and pornstars!
But Arielle, how do I figure out who I love to wank to?? That’s where I come in, darlings! I’ve done the dirty work for you, so sit back, relax, grab a vibrator and peruse this very official list of my top 5 favorite female pornstars. Notably, I mostly enjoy lesbian porn so most of the links will be sans men. I have loads more that I watch on a daily basis, but these are my most favorite stars, with links included. Enjoy!
1. Abella Danger
Abella Danger, 23, is a breakout Jewess porn star. Her earlier work is more exclusively heterosexual, but I’m mostly interested in her latter lesbian films. Abella has won a handful of awards, including Hottest Newcomer (Fan Award) at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo because she is just that damn good. Recently she was featured on the cover of Office Magazine, which is amazingly cool. She’s rough, sensual, strong as hell, has the juiciest booty, and can squirt buckets. Don’t sleep on this Miami queen.
Lesbian Step-Sisters Better Not Get Caught By Dad! Ft. the late August Ames
Hot and Mean Abella Danger and Jenna Fox Fight Me Bitch Ft. Jenna Foxx
2. Karlee Grey
Karlee Grey, 23, has the most beautiful breasts I’ve ever seen. The sex worker is recently on a hiatus since giving birth to a bouncing baby gender-unbeknownst. Despite having ranked #57 on PornHub, I think she’s supremely underrated, and one of the better actresses. She’s passionate, sexy as fuck, and a Latina beauty queen.
Kissing Step Cousins ft. Vanessa Veracruz
Angela White and Karlee Grey Bond Over Their Big Natural Titties ft. Angela White
Karlee Grey Is the Worst Babysitter ft. Tommy Pistol
3. Mia Malkova
Mia Malkova, 26, has the juiciest ass in the land. Known for dat phat ass, a huge chunk of her videos are yoga pants centric. In 2018 she was featured in the documentary God, Sex and Truth. In an interview, she said that the reason she got into porn was that she loves sex, and the porn world is the safest, and best place to explore sex in all its forms. Sex work runs in the family because her brother Justin Hunt is also a porn star. Mia also married porn star Danny Mountain in 2014 but announced their separation in 2018.
Sexy Yoga with Mia Malkova ft. Erik Everhard
Vanessa Veracruz and Mia Malkova ft. Vanessa Veracruz
Mia’s Phat Ass in Yoga Pants ft. Cody Sky
4. Dani Daniels
Dani Daniels, 29, is a vision. Since marrying her husband Vic in 2017, the actress retired from starring in videos but runs a widely successful premium Snapchat with CamSoda. She’s an artist, a plant mom, she sells a monthly subscription box, and in 2016 she won AVN Fan Award for Most Amazing Sex Toy for her collaboration with Doc Johnson. Dani is one of the best actresses, performers, and you can tell she genuinely enjoys what she does (not everyone does!) Her videos are eclectic, and she eats pussy like no other. I could write extensively about Dani, but I’ll let her videos do the talking.
Dani Daniels and Asa Akira Lesbian Syndrome ft. Asa Akira
Lesbian Roommates ft. Karla Kush
5. Jesse Jane
Jesse Jane, 38, can fuck. She retired in 2017, but Jesse’s reputation lives on in her hot, hot, videos and sex toys. My favorite film starring Jesse is the Pirates series — linked below — but the blonde bombshell’s portfolio extends further than just adult films. Jesse hosts Playboy TV’s live show Night calls and Naughty Amateur Home Videos. She’s written for magazines Cheri, and Ralph, and hosted several adult industry award ceremonies. Enough about her bio, watch the good stuff below.
Classic Pirates 2 ft. Belladonna, Ben English, Evan Stone
Blonde Jesse Jane Is Seduced and Fucked By Her Neighbor ft. Erik Everhard
6. BONUS: Sasha Grey
Sasha Grey, 31, is an iconic adult film actor. I don’t watch her on a regular basis, but her film with Bree Olsen was the first video I ever masturbated to, and still masturbate to. Naturally, I had to give it a shout out. Sasha retired from the porn scene when she was 21, and since then has appeared in music videos, documentaries, magazines, movies, and even wrote the trilogy Juliette Society. In 2008 she was awarded the AVN Award for Female Performer of the Year, and in 2011 she published a photo book Neu Sex about her time as an adult actress. Watch my favorite video of hers below. A decade later, it still gets me off.
Lesbians Sasha Grey (19) & Bree Olson (21) - ft. Bree Olson
One afternoon in 2002, two of my friends sat on my trampoline and explained the bases to me, painting graphic images that titillated my 11-year-old mind. I was particularly fascinated by their description of fingering. “Couldn’t you do that yourself?” I thought privately. I decided to find out.
I snuck into my bathroom that night, spread my legs, put a hand mirror between them, and discovered that you can, indeed, do that to yourself. Needless to say, I was on that bathroom floor nearly every day for the next few years (until I discovered shower heads).
I stayed quiet about my solo sex exploits, certain none of my friends were doing it. I occasionally heard them joke about boys masturbating, but the jokes always seemed to contain the assumption that this was one reason boys were such aliens. At sleep-away camp, a cabin mate teased an outcast by joking that she masturbated. I hoped they never discovered what I was doing in my bunk bed after the lights went out.
By the time I was in my early teens, every orgasm I had was followed by a rush of shame. I kept pledging to stop and then breaking this promise. Then, during a truth or dare game at age 15, a friend asked me what my biggest secret was, and I admitted it was that I masturbated. As it turned out, she did it, too. Another truth or dare game later, I learned another friend did as well. How had we felt like such freaks when we were all doing it?
“Both women and men, depending how they were raised, have shame and guilt around masturbation,” says Laurie Mintz, Professor of Psychology at the University of Florida and author of Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It. “But female masturbation is still more taboo than male masturbation. There are fewer images of women masturbating than men, and it is less joked about and less talked about.”
There’s a double-standard, for example, in how female and male masturbation are treated on screen. The film But I’m a Cheerleader got an NC-17 rating for a fairly non-explicit female masturbation scene, while American Pie, a movie centered on male masturbation, got an R rating.
In addition, material promoting female masturbation is often censored. New York’s Grand Central subway station ran ads for erectile dysfunction meds without controversy, yet the MTA rejected ads for the sex toy company Unbound until people protested online.
The stigma around female masturbation has a long history, says Hallie Lieberman, author of Buzz: The Stimulating History of the Sex Toy. As far back as the 18th century, Swiss doctor Samuel-Auguste Tissot wrote that it could cause nymphomania. In the 19th-century U.S., girls who masturbated even faced circumcision in order to limit their sexual expression to penetrative intercourse within marriage. The legacy of these theories continued long after they were explicitly believed: A 1974 survey found that a quarter of women felt guilty, perverted, or scared of going crazy through masturbation.
Even though people have become more open minded about masturbation over recent years, thanks to feminist sex shops, sex educators like Betty Dodson, and books like Our Bodies, Ourselves, Good Vibrations staff sexologist Carol Queen, PhD believes that recent government attacks on reproductive rights, LGBT rights, and sexual assault survivors have caused views on masturbation, particularly female masturbation, to regress.
Part of this comes down to a more general taboo around female sexuality. “Men are expected to express themselves sexually at a young age,” says Carlin Ross, who runs sexuality workshops for women alongside Dodson. “Men are entitled to pleasure and porn and strippers and escorts and Vegas weekends. That just doesn't exist for women yet.”
The masturbation taboo is “part of a larger stigma around sex,” agrees Queen. “It implies that there's one acceptable way to have sex, which is heterosexual, potentially procreative, with gender roles intact.”
The notion of sex that defies gender roles and doesn’t serve procreative purposes is especially threatening when it’s women who are engaging in it. Women’s role, after all, is often reduced to their ability to have children and care for their families. When they are allowed to be sexual, it’s typically in response to a man’s sexual desires, rather than their own. This societal prescription is evident in American purity culture, with women pledging to stay virgins until marriage.
“The stigma around female masturbation is particularly strong due to the idea that a woman’s sexuality exists for her partner rather than herself,” says Queen. “Nobody questions whether men should be motivated by sexual pleasure, and that could include jacking off. It’s all part of the ‘boys will be boys’ narrative.”
Compounding this taboo is a cultural fear that by masturbating, women will get in touch with their desires and stop being subservient to their partners. “When women get a chance to explore pleasure, it’s possible they’ll also explore fantasy, and it’s possible they’ll want something other than they are ‘supposed’ to want,” Queen explains. “They may decide that they primarily want to masturbate and not have partner sex. They may ask male partners to do different things to please them than the male partners have learned or want to do. They may decide they want a female partner or many partners.”
The fear that women will no longer be satisfied with male partners if they masturbate stems from anxieties around women’s preference for clitoral stimulation over penetration. A study by sex researcher Shere Hite, published in 1976’s The Hite Report, found that only 1.5 percent of women masturbated solely through penetration.
This challenged the Freudian idea that the mature way for women to be sexual was to have penetrative intercourse with a male partner, explains Thomas Laqueur, Professor of History at the University of California, Berkeley and author of Solitary Sex: A Cultural History of Masturbation. Freud called clitoral masturbation a “masculine activity.” Even birth control advocate Margaret Sanger was against masturbation because she believed regular masturbators would be unable to “perform the sexual act naturally,” Lieberman points out.
While the days where Freud’s and Sanger’s ideas enjoyed mainstream acceptance are behind us, fear that masturbation will diminish women’s partnered sex lives now comes out in warnings about vibrators decreasing sensitivity or replacing real human beings. In one Sex and the City episode, for example, Charlotte decides she’d “rather stay home with a Rabbit than deal with men.”
There’s also a lot of body shame deterring women from masturbating. “I've worked with women in their 50's, 60's, and 70's who have never touched their genitals,” says Vanessa Marin, sex therapist and creator of Finishing School, an online orgasm course for women. “Women are socialized to believe that our genitals are ‘icky’ or ‘gross.’ That masturbation is ‘sinful’ or not something that ‘good girls’ do. That our partners will think it's gross or be offended if they find out that we masturbate.”
These myths can lead women to miss out on sexual pleasure, and they may even cause women to settle in their sex lives because they don’t know anything better. “Many women don’t have orgasms during intercourse, but most women do have orgasms when they masturbate,” says Lieberman. “If a woman is too ashamed to masturbate, she may spend decades not having orgasms and even thinking she’s defective or inadequate because she’s not having orgasms during sex. And this can lead to lower self-esteem, of course.”
This lack of sexual independence can even contribute to unhealthy relationships. Women “struggle in codependent relationships, marrying one of their first sex partners, start families, and before they know it, a decade or two have gone by and they don't know who they are anymore,” says Ross.
Unfortunately, the female masturbation taboo has a way of perpetuating itself. When the only references to female masturbation we hear as kids are derogatory jokes, we probably won’t admit we do it. Instead, we’ll laugh along and maybe even make our own quips. The first step to breaking the taboo, then, is overcoming our embarrassment and talking about it — even if it’s as simple as bringing it up with our friends at a sleepover.
Written by Suzannah Weiss, editor of Complex and contributor to publications such as Vice, Teen Vogue, and Bustle.
Feet — you’re either indifferent to them, hate them, or want to fuck them. If the shoe fits the latter, then boy does Silicon Wives have a sex toy for you. Catering to one of the more popular groups of fetishists (a person with a fetish), the luxury sex doll company just launched its latest product, oh so cleverly named Realistic Silicone Feet with Vaginas. Basically, it’s a foot that you can have sex with that should’ve been named “foot-gina,” or “vagankle” (clearly a missed opportunity).
When the average person thinks about a fetish, the first thing that comes to mind is feet. Perhaps that’s because the media perpetuates the stereotype that foot fetishes are the only type of fetish, maybe it’s because we’re a sucker for alliterations, or maybe it’s just Maybelline. The reality is, fetishes — a sexual attraction to an object or non-genital body part — comes in a myriad of variations.
Despite America’s reluctance to instate comprehensive sex education, Silicon Wive’s latest product illustrates a growing normalization of previously considered abnormal sexual desires.
For example, while less popular than most, some people are attracted to stethoscopes, known as auscultation. There’s even a website dedicated to those who are attracted to hearing heartbeats. Don’t believe me? The proof is in the pudding! And by pudding, I mean the following list of sexual fetishes people revealed to me. I asked 24 amount of people what their sexual fetish is, and when they first noticed it. Enjoy!
1. Horror movies, female, 22
Every time I would watch a horror movie I’d just find myself SOOO turned on, like panties dripping lmao! Through the years, I’ve found that it’s all part of the adrenaline and during a very well done horror movie I lose myself completely in the storyline, and different sexual scenarios that could happen, and that I want in theory.
2. Hands, Female, 19
It was just an inkling at first. Like, there’s hand porn which isn’t particularly sexual, it’s just pictures of really nice hands. However, I have come to realize it’s because I am so turned on by the thought of my partner playing with my pussy and fingered me, and also him/her masturbating. I guess nice hands just turn me on because of the subconscious association with stuff like that.
3. Food play, nonbinary, 23,
I always felt bad about eating growing up because my parents encouraged me not to eat, so now, I don’t know, I love food play and just in general mukbang [watching people binge eat] are the best, lmao. I realized it when a girl I had a crush on was eating wings, and like passionately with sauce dripping, and she was even sucking the bone marrow out.”
4. Messy food play, female, 34
I love watching people eat messy things, like chicken wings. I was out eating with an ex and I realized I was getting excited watching him. Now many of the dates I go on are at wing places so that I can tell if I’m actually attracted to the person because usually, I don’t know immediately. Sitophilia
5. Wet and messy, Female, 24
I have a few fetishes, but my favorite is being messy with things like paint, or cake icing. Paint is fun, not as fun considering it’s not typically edible. I was painting my bedroom, super frustrated and just having an awful day when my boyfriend came home and started to cheer me up. He started putting little dots of paint on me until I was pretty much covered in blue paint. He started rubbing it on my skin, and I lost it. I have no idea why, but the feeling of being covered in something stick, or wet — like I said, still preferable edible, not lube — is just so hot. I think I love the carefree feeling that comes with just making an absolute mess.
6. Male, 30, feet
I discovered I was into feet as soon as I was attracted to women. I always found women in flip flops really, really attractive. Like, more than an “oh, that’s cute!”
7. Male, 26, body hair
I loved going down on my ex, and when we first got together she would shave herself bare. One day we had sex and she forgot to shave, and I found it irresistibly sexy. Afterward, I asked her if she would let her body hair grow out. She was caught a bit off guard, but she was obliged, and it made sex more enjoyable to me. The tactile and aromatic qualities made sex that much more primal.
8. Fishnets against soft skin, female, 29
In the early 2000s when Gwen Stefani started wearing them regularly, it captivated me so much that I bought a pair. I immediately became obsessed with the texture against soft feet, and shaved legs. When I see anyone wearing them I’m immediately in a trance.
9. Feet and tickling, male, 36
I discovered both growing up through socializing and playing with friends. Pre-puberty, they weren’t sexual as much as they were just two things I enjoyed doing. My guy and gal friends would let me play with their feet and we’d have tickle fights. I remember one sleepover I had with a best friend where I spent the entire evening watching a movie with his feet in my lap. I was about 11.
As I got older and began exploring my sexuality, I realized that I found both feet and tickling to be very sexual to me. That’s when everything sort of came together (ha!) in my head. And once I started dating, I was armed with enough research (thank you Internet) to be able to articulate these two fetishes to my romantic interests. Add a healthy amount of open shame-free discussion, and I was able to establish my sexual identity as the foot-guy, or tickle monster in my relationships. And so, my innocent childhood play transitioned into far from innocent adulthood play.
10. Runny makeup, male, 22
I love rough sex in porn with “forced” tags (obviously, only with consenting like-minded partners with established safe words). I really like when she/he wears runny makeup, and I get to turn them into a hot, sweaty mess while fucking them in a chokehold. I realized this from watching every scene in the John Wick movies where he dukes it out with a female assassin. Runny makeup is the key thing here.
11. Shaving hair, non-binary, 25
I discovered my fetish for having my hair cut or shaved when I was in my late teens. I had nearly six inches cut off from my hair, which was my most dramatic hair cut at that point. A couple of months later, my boyfriend at the time cut a further four inches off while I masturbated, so it was properly short. It’s more exciting when I think about it being cut off, or it being really short, and sometimes I fantasize about it being done in front of an audience while I’m tied up.
12. Shaving, female, 35
The first time I ever shaved it excited me. My mom wasn’t very good about explaining things. She handed me a razor and told me I needed to start shaving. So, I did my armpits, legs, and vagina. Doing it excited me. The older I got, I explored different things that added to the excitement, including being shaved and shaving my partner. I like the feeling of it, the smell of the shaving cream, the sound of the razor against the grain of the hair, especially when watching a man shave his face, and the smoothness after it’s done.
13. Masks, female, 20
My biggest fetish is masks — ski masks, motorcycle helmets, etc. When I was maybe 10 or 11 I had a huge crush on all of the Power Rangers. Now, I have connected the dots and realized that I love the thought of being gangbanged by all the Power Rangers.
14. Urination, female, 29
I had a sugar daddy who was into getting peed on. It took me a few tried to get comfortable. It’s hard to urinate on command because you’re trained from a small child to not urinate everywhere I had no idea I would enjoy it as much as I did! Later, I discovered I also enjoy being the recipient. During, before, or after intercourse. Sometimes just as a pleasure on its own!
15. Feet, male, 28
I discovered my foot fetish when girls in my high school would play with their shoes with their feet under the desk. I had absolutely no idea why it turned me on. I grew up thinking I was an absolute freak. Now, I own it and my girlfriends moan when I caress their feet during sexy time. Podophilia
16. Latex, male, 42
A partner introduced latex to me and had me wear it. It was like a light switch. It was such a turn on in my head instantly.
17. Latex, genderqueer, 23
I love latex everything, probably from watching stuff like American Mary and all the other movies and shows that have hot women in latex. Have you ever watched a video of someone snapping or rubbing something latex? Oof.
18. Latex, male, 29
I found out when I was in a BDSM group four years ago and was a slave for a girl for about a year and a half. Her full latex suits (red, black, grey) made me completely lose control and go insane. I’d lose (still lose) control like the hulk.
19. Teeth, female, 23
It’s not a big fetish I necessarily seek out in a partner, but I have a slight obsession for people with a nice smile. When I was young I thought I really wanted to be a dentist, but I actually just had a fixation with staring at my partner's mouth if they had nice teeth. If I’m already interested in the conversation I’m having with a person of interest and they have nice teeth, I just stare at them. It is such a turn on for me like I actually get wet from that alone. I could climb on top of them right there, wherever we are.
20. Women’s bellies, bisexual male, 21
I always liked chubby girls and thought they looked cute and hot. At 15, at a pool party, I realized I really wanted to pinch and squeeze my crush’s chubby belly. After that, I would focus a lot on chubby bellies, along with sunken belly buttons. Back at the time, “thicc girls” and plus size models weren’t rocking it the way they do now, so my fetish became stronger over these last years. And I’m really happy to see them get the love they deserve.
21. Mustaches, female, 19
I was getting eaten out and the guy brushed his mustache against me. I’ve been mad about mustaches ever since.
22. Candle wax, woman, 24
When I was a kid, I always just loved dipping my finger in candle wax and peeling it off when it had dried. As an adult having sex, I enjoy a lot of sensory stimulation, and I’ve experimented with different temperatures, so obviously had to try wax. Having someone pour hot wax down my neck, chest, boobs, stomach… it’s amazing.
23. Dark curly hair, female, 26
I’m super turned on by younger guys with dark, wavy, or curly hair. Preferably curly. They can also be bald, but with dark, wavy bars. I have an unhealthy desire to just touch these guys’ hair when I’m out in the club. Sometimes I just run my fingers through stranger’s hair without their prior consent! It’s a bad habit, I know, but so far I’ve only received positive feedback.
24. Hitting and choking, female, 17
One of my exes happened to accidentally put his hand around my throat, and I just held him there ‘cause I liked it. He was also into hitting me, and that’s why we tried that as well.
As comically messy my romantic life remains, I’ve grown a lot from therapy throughout the years. For one, I learned terms like an autonomous interdependent relationship. Say it with me: au·ton·o·mous in·ter·de·pend·ent relationship. A partnership between mutually reliant individuals who maintain their identities and agency. In layman’s terms, you do you—together.
It’s happy hour-ing with friends while your S.O. hashes out a creative project at home. It’s living fully when apart...then deep dishing about your day over thick crust pizza. And sometimes it’s a healthy dose of solo self-love. Ya feel me? Because I, like, really feel me.
Touching myself has become an important component of my sex routine. Sure, my current partner and I satisfy each other on the regular (humble brag). Yet I wonder, without it...would we?
To truly get down together, you need to know what’s up. What makes you quiver and moan? What melts away your inhibitions? Masturbation allows you to safely explore these questions and later share your discoveries with your partner. Even then, no one will ever have a more intimate relationship with your body than you. And that’s more than okay—in this masturbator’s opinion, that’s how it should be. Your pleasure is literally in your own hands. That’s empowering, and damn does it feel good.
Between keeping up with classes and crushes, squeezing in after-school activities, and trying to make sense of your school’s sad excuse for sex education, high school is a battleground for your burgeoning sexuality. Your body and brain are just waking up to the potential for pleasure that lies between your legs, and it’s no easy feat to figure it all out when you’ve got slut-shaming cliques and tattle-tale teachers at your heels.
When you’re all grown up, you’ll look back and wish you could write a letter to your younger self. As they say, hindsight is 20/20, and unfortunately you can’t turn back time, grab teenage You by the arms, and yell “Don’t fall for that guy from third period!” or “Sarah was just jealous – you’re not a slut for kissing your crush!”
Although we can’t predict the future or change the past, your blogging gal pals at Dame are here to hand out some hints for strolling down your school halls with confidence and knowledge – no matter what that group of gossipers is whispering in the corner.
Yes, Seriously: Everyone Masturbates
These weird wanking rumors just never seem to die. As far back as your great-grandparents’ school days, kids have been making up all sorts of fake facts about self-pleasure. From growing hair on your palms to wrecking your ability to orgasm during intercourse to disappointing your local church priest, masturbation myths are alive and well in every decade. And guess what? They’re all big, fat lies.
Growing up, you’ve probably heard most kids claim that they never masturbate, and these same kids usually taunt anyone who admits that they do. But – shocker! - they more than likely do, and while it’s pretty crappy to shame someone else for their healthy pleasure habits, it’s totally normal to orgasm alone at any age.
Masturbation does a lot of awesome things for your brain and body. It releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine that relieve icky feelings of sadness or depression, and it even helps you fall asleep faster. Self-pleasure also teaches you what feels good and what doesn’t, which are helpful tools that can lead to amazing sex in your future relationships.
So go ahead and delight in nature’s little sexy stress reliever when you’re alone in your room, and if you can get your hands on a beginner-friendly vibrator like the Pom or the Fin, all the better. This time, everyone really is doing it!
What Happens Now Doesn't Set Your Sexual Future in Stone
As long as you’re using condoms to protect against pregnancy and potentially incurable STDs, your youthful sexual decisions don’t have to affect your entire future.
When it comes to sex, it’s always a good idea to do it sober and with someone you trust, and only when you’re absolutely ready. Beyond those basics, that doesn’t mean that if you’re crushing on every girl or guy in school, you’re a total skank (c’mon, are you really gonna believe the slut-shamers?), or if you’re super attracted to girls in your teens, you’ll never want to date a dude (which is still fine if that’s how things works out).
Gossipy kids love to find reasons to tease and torment their peers over anything and everything, especially over sex and hook-up stuff. Those stupid high school labels don’t have to follow you into adulthood. Your sexual identity and preferences can and will change throughout your life. (If you need further evidence, grab your parents’ yearbooks. We bet you’ll hardly recognize them!)
The Madonna-Whore Complex is a Lie
Ah, good ol' Sigmund Freud. After denying the relevance of the clitoral orgasm, this often-misguided sex researcher developed The Madonna-Whore complex, a theory that compartmentalizes women into groups of monogamous, no-sex-til-marriage purists and serial one-night-stand addicts. This theory is about as blatantly false as it is disgustingly patriarchal.
In truth, sex and the people who have it are neither pure and perfect nor slutty and raunchy, and whips and chains have nothing to do with it. No matter who you're screwing or how you're getting down, sex is always somewhere in-between. Sometimes it's soft and sensual; other times it's delightfully kinky; often it's boring or challenging or raw or mind-expanding. For some folks, a pair of fluffy handcuffs is crossing the line, while another couple might snore at the thought of anything less than an entire trunk of vibrators and lingerie to drag along to a swingers’ party. There's really no way to define enthusiastically consensual sex, and having it doesn’t make you a slut any more than saying No makes you a nun.
In Conclusion, It’s All Up to You (and Whoever You Screw)!
When it comes to sex, always remember: the only rules are your rules – the rules that you and your partner set up to keep you both feeling good and safe. It literally doesn't matter what you're doing with your boyfriend or girlfriend, or how many people you date junior year. As long as everyone is having a good time, practicing safe sex, and giving and receiving pleasure through open communication, there's nothing wrong or immoral about your sexual behavior. Tell that one to your sex-ed teacher (or don’t - they might not be prepared to get schooled)!
Originally posted on Dame. Written by Colleen Goden.
If you’ve ever spent some time on the internet looking at a decent amount of porn, you may have come across the phenomenon of prostate orgasms in men. Whether you’re sexually attracted to men or not, the spectacle of a man’s body shaking around in orgasmic pleasure is surely a sight to behold. “How can that be me? I want to feel sexual pleasure that intense!” I hear you say…
Prostate orgasms can cause men to have multiple orgasms, something which we thought was limited to women for the longest time. Not only can prostate orgasms occur several times in a row, but they can be continuous and lengthy too. You know that moment just before you ejaculate where your legs go weak and pleasure washes over you? It’s like that feeling but extended for minutes at a time. Yep.
I recently wrote a lengthy guide on our website about prostate milking entitled The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Milking which is definitely worth checking out if you want to get into the finer details of prostate play. However, for the purposes of this article, I’ll be touching on the basics of prostate orgasms and how they can be achieved most easily.
We get that some people are not big into the idea of putting things up their bottom, and for heterosexual men, there’s also the obvious stigma of ass play being “gay” or unmanly in some way. I could talk for days about how ass play isn’t intrinsically gay, but that’s a story for another time. External prostate play is not as effective as internal prostate play when you’re looking to stimulate this sensitive gland, but it’s a good starting point for newbies nonetheless.
For example, you could try using your fingers to massage your perineum, the area between the testicles and butthole sometimes referred to as a “taint” or “gooch” depending on where you live. Next time you’re masturbating or lucky enough to be receiving a blowjob, try clumping 3 of your fingers together and gently making circular movements on your perineum – if you’re lucky, you’ll stimulate the prostate and feel an increased intensity in the sexual pleasure you’re experiencing. This is the power of the prostate in your fingertips.
If you want to take it up a notch from there, you could try using an Emojibator bullet vibrator toy or similar sex toy to massage this area with increased intensity once using your fingers is no longer good enough! The vibrations will be significantly more powerful than the sensations provided by manual massage, so you can slowly progress up the prostate play ladder until you’re ready to go further. If you’re working your way up to insertion but you’re not quite feeling brave enough yet, using a vibrating bullet toy on your perineum is a brilliant middle ground.
If you’re okay with the idea of anal insertion, then it’s time to give some fingering a try. You could finger yourself or ask your partner to finger you, depending on your preference. Do bear in mind that it will be easier for a partner to finger you, as the location of the prostate is a little tricky to reach with your own fingers. The prostate is located on the anterior side of your body (i.e. the side closest to your penis) about 2-3 inches inside your rectum. It feels like a walnut-sized “bump” inside your bottom.
Once you have found the prostate with your lubed-up finger, proceed to gently rub or “tap” the bump, massaging it and causing pleasurable sensations throughout your body. Some describe the gland as a “pleasure button” which you can press if you know where to look for it. For some people, this direct contact with an intimate part of the male anatomy can feel a little strange, so it may be helpful to wear a glove or condom over your finger in order to feel less like a surgeon and more like a person who’s looking to orgasm.
If you’re prepared to make way for something to go up your ass which isn’t a finger, then perhaps it’s time to have a look at vibrating toys. Websites such as LoveHoney, SheVibe, and Babeland contain a wide range of vibrating prostate toys, giving you a lot of size options and vibration settings to choose from, catering to various budgets and desires. Rest assured that most prostate toys are not huge dildo-like objects – you only need to travel a few inches up the ass to find this gland… we don’t need menacing veiny 12-inch dildos.
Vibrating toys, once properly positioned, provide the prostate with unique stimulation which can send pleasurable waves of sexual desire throughout your body, sometimes referred to as “p-waves” (with the “p” referring to “prostate”). These are great when combined with penile masturbation, sex, or blowjobs; they serve as a brilliant way to spice up your masturbation/sex life and enhance regular orgasms, although they are unlikely to make you cum hands-free from a purely anal orgasm. This is because the vibrating nature of the toys eventually “numbs” the gland and the prostate becomes less sensitive to the vibrations over time.
If you’re really looking for a mind-shattering otherworldly kind of orgasm, this is the place you wanna be. Aneros is a sex toy company which actually originally started out making prostate massagers for medical reasons before quickly realizing that their products were being used more for sexual pleasure than anything else. Today, Aneros devices have a cult following of sorts, with forums such as the Aneros subreddit discussing various toys and techniques for achieving Super Os (super orgasms).
You see, these sex toys are not vibrating – they don’t use power for anything at all. No, they are completely manual. I have to admit that when I first purchased one, I naturally assumed that there would be a battery compartment, and I was baffled when I couldn’t find one! These well-shaped pieces of medical grade silicone have the power to change your sex and masturbation life forever if you’re prepared to put in the time, patience, and technique required to use them properly.
These manual prostate sex toys are all about learning to contract the muscles in and around your prostate, namely the sphincter muscles (the ones you use to hold in a poop) and the PC muscles (the ones you use to hold in a pee). By contracting and relaxing these muscles in the right way, they will eventually become tired and start to “flutter” and “wobble” when you relax, a bit like when you’re lifting weights at the gym and your arms start to shake as they get tired.
With any luck, you’ll be able to time these muscle spasms in such a way that they begin to cause involuntary orgasms. It’s easier said than done, and it takes a lot of concentration and meditation, but if you play your cards right, you could cause a chain reaction which leads to the elusive mind-blowing Super Orgasm. In our ultimate guide to prostate milking, we talk about the techniques used to achieve these orgasms in more detail, and there are also many online forums where you can find out more tips and tricks for male hands-free orgasms.
Prostate milking is a bit like hacking your own body – you’re taking advantage of a natural pleasure spot inside you which happens to be quite easily accessible if you have the right equipment/knowledge behind you. If you can get past the fear of putting things inside your bum (if you have that fear) then you’ll be able to harness the power of multiple intense male orgasms emanating from your anus. I’m willing to bet that if the prostate was located on the forehead, men would be massaging it like there was no tomorrow.
Still, prostate play requires knowledge and preparation, so don’t rush and make sure that you spend plenty of time reading up on toys and techniques which work for you. Once you’ve mastered the art of prostate orgasms, however, your sex and masturbatory life will never be the same again. The only downside of prostate orgasms is that they make regular penis orgasms seem a little crap… I personally seem to have spoiled regular orgasms for myself.
Written by Ian, Sex Toy Collective
We’ve heard the tales of Victorian women lifting their bustles for doctors to perform a certain stimulating massage as a cure for hysteria. There’s also been a rumor circulating that Cleopatra enjoyed filling a dried gourd with bees to get her buzz, but believe it or not, these are not the reasons we have our favorite sexy time tools today. So where did all this mechanical magic come from from?
The very first electromechanical vibrator was invented in 1883 by English doctor, Joseph Mortimer Granville. While I’d love to be able to tell you it was intended as a sex toy, the reality of its purpose is a bit less stimulating. In Granville’s book, he discussed the purpose of his vibrator as a treatment for pain, indigestion, constipation and “pseudo-diabetes”. He also suggested using it to treat impotence in men, but said that he did not use it at all on women.
Up until recently, some historians believed that Granville invented the vibrator to treat Hysteria, an 1800s diagnosis that is now considered normal sexual behavior in women. The theory claimed that doctors treated Hysteria by masturbating women to orgasm using a ‘massage’, and that their workload was so large, they needed the help of vibrators to give their aching hands a rest. There was even a 2011 comedy movie based on this story.
Even though it’s a fun theory, Hallie Lieberman & Eric Schatzberg of the Georgia Institute of Technology did a careful analysis of sources and found no evidence to support the historical use of vibrators as any sort of medically condoned treatment for hysteria. They referred to the book that had spread the idea (Technology of the Orgasm) as, “a failure in academic quality control”.
Although Mortimer’s medicinal vibrator was only really used by doctors, a few companies in the early 1900s began releasing similar models for at home use. It’s hard to say whether or not these devices were being used for sexual pleasure because the 1873 Comstock Act outlawed any ads that were considered “obscene” and masturbation was an extremely taboo subject at the time.
While I’m sure it didn’t take long for a resourceful woman to put her new appliance to good use, the early models were marketed as a cure-all for a whole range of ailments, just like Granville intended.
By the 1920’s every catalog and magazine was full of ads for mail order massagers for weight loss, beauty aids and magical cures. Some of the claims made by manufacturers were so outrageous that the American Medical Association called the vibrator industry a delusion.
By the 1950s, doctors no longer stood behind the supposed health benefits of electric massagers, and they became entirely sold and produced for at home use.
Manufacturers continued to make outrageous claims about the health and beauty benefits of their devices, but there was no medical science to back up these claims. By this time, vibrator ads had begun hinting at the possibility of a more intimate use for the devices. While they still couldn’t explicitly state that the devices had a sexual purpose, they certainly could market them to women as a way to make them glow and radiate joy *wink*wink*.
In 1953 Alfred Kinsey released his famous report, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female and got the world talking about female masturbation and the female orgasm. However, he did not once mention the vibrator. It seems that the use of vibrators for vaginal stimulation was still extremely taboo at this point in time.
Things changed in 1958 when the FDA began to crack down on the quackery of vibrator marketing for health benefits and weight loss. They seized vibrators that were “falsely labeled” and forced manufacturers to change their sales strategy.
The 1960s became known for the free love movement and was a much more sexually liberal time. Birth control was fully legal by 1965 and the women’s liberation movement was in full swing. During this time, vibrators became an even more acceptable item in the home, but they were still marketed as massagers or novelty items.
It wasn’t until the 1970s that massagers finally got to be called sex toys. 1974 was a big year in vibrator history because that’s the year the Hitachi Magic Wand was born. Even though the company adamantly denied a sexual use for their product until 2013, no one was fooled. The same year that Hitachi released it’s infamous massager, Betty Dodson, PhD released her book, Liberating Masturbation: A Meditation on Selflove and began teaching masturbation classes in New York. Can you guess what her favorite toy was? This was only the beginning of the popularity of wand style vibrators.
While this time period was marked by a sense of sexual liberation, it was also a period of repression and censorship. In 1973 Texas was one of the first states to pass an obscenity law that would ban the sale of “any device designed or marketed primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs.” A handful of states would follow and while some of the bans have been repealed, it is still illegal to sell vibrators in Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana, Virginia, and Texas.
By the time the 80s came around, vibrators were officially sex toys and companies were sprouting up left and right to sell electric pleasure to women all over. In 1983 a company from Japan called Vibratex released a line of vibrators with a hybrid of internal and external components. In order to circumvent Japan’s obscenity laws at the time, the products were made with bright colors and various animal shapes. These toys came with beaver, turtle and kangaroo shapes, but the most popular to this day has been the Rabbit Pearl model.
This was the first line of vibrators designed to stimulate the g-spot and clitoris at the same time and women loved it! In 1998, an episode of Sex and the City shows Charlotte becoming obsessed with her rabbit style vibrator and introduced the toy to a wider, more mainstream audience.
In 2009, the very first two studies of vibrator use among Americans were published by researchers at Indiana University. One study surveyed men, and the other surveyed women. The study showed that “vibrator use during sexual interactions is common, with use being reported by approximately 53 percent of women and 45 percent of men ages 18 to 60.” Vibrators are also fun on prostates, perineums and even nipples and there is something out there for everyone.
Now in 2019 it’s possible to cutting-edge vibrators of all shapes, sizes and colors. Companies like Emojibator are creating innovative new designs that are waterproof, rechargeable, and full of sexy features:
The Chickie is a darn cute vibrator that both vibrates and creates suction for clitoral stimulation.
The Shark brings a refreshing twist to the traditional look of rabbit vibes, and is one of the only dual action vibrators that can expand to change its shape and size.
All in all, vibrators are becoming less taboo and more an integral part of healthy self-pleasure. With new pleasure technology being developed every day, the future of vibrators is definitely looking bright.
Written by Daisy Ducati - The Fastest Girl in the Business
So you’ve decided after years of just using your hand to graduate to a vibrator.
Congratulations! Your whole life is about to change immensely. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with some manual masturbation, but adding a battery is a whole different ballgame. Or maybe you’ve never masturbated before and you’re ready to get started. Whatever rocks your boat.
Some things to have handy before we begin: your Emojibator of choice and an open mind. Every body is different, so you will need patience to understand what your body responds to. Once you’re ready, let’s get naked.
If you feel up to it, grab a mirror so you can see what you’re doing. Since the American school system has failed us when it comes to sex education, we’re going to have a little anatomy lesson on female genitalia. At the tippy top is your clitoris. Everyone’s is different, but most have a hood of varying sizes over it. That’s where we’re going to focus on when it comes to using one of the classic Emojibators (eggplant, chili, and banana).
When masturbating with a vibrator, it’s helpful to pull back the hood and then place the buzzy end right on the clit. If it’s too strong, you can put it over the hood or even squeeze your legs together a little. Your Emojibator also comes with 10 speeds so don’t be afraid to experiment with that to find your fave.
Like sex, just lying there will lead to a mediocre experience. Instead try wiggling around both your vibrator and your hips. Don’t forget to give yourself a little nip action too. Sooner or later you’ll be hitting a climax that will have your roommate texting you asking if you’re okay.
It’s easy to get in your head when you’re trying a new method of masturbation. Remember to not put so much pressure on yourself and just enjoy the ride. Don’t be afraid to experiment or add a friend. There’s no shame in masturbation.