For years, male masturbation was seen as a “dirty” and “perverted” act, and while society has come a long way, there are still lingering feelings of guilt and shame surrounding the topic. We asked Sex Hacker, Kenneth Play to explain the origins of this stigma and to help us explore the positives of rubbing one out.
Why is there stigma & taboo around male masturbation?
KP: Masturbation stigma in America traces back to fundamentalist religions and the Kellog family. The idea of men being disgusting and misogynistic while watching porn that objectifies women is a commonly held image of this process. Fortunately, there’s nothing wrong with masturbation, no matter what gender you are. As Betty Dodson said, our primary sexual relationship is with yourself. In fact, it’s a very important part of the process of sexual self-discovery and learning how to have orgasm reliably.
Is it normal to be shy about masturbation? How do you let go of the guilt society tells you you should feel?
KP: For too long, many of us have been surrounded by sex-negative culture. Those long-held internalized feelings don’t go away overnight. One of the most effective strategies to overcome that is by making more sex-positive friends and joining sex-positive communities, like the one I co-founded, Hacienda.
How can masturbation benefit men’s mental health?
KP: There is a substantial body of work linking sexual satisfaction and well-being. Read Nan Wise’s book “Why Good Sex Matters” for more information on this validated, peer-reviewed research. Sex releases neurochemicals that relate to being in a good mood. It allows you to express your natural desires. And it helps you relax and let go of stress.
What is mindful masturbation?
KP: The point of going out to a restaurant is not to get to satiation as quickly as possible. It’s to enjoy an entire experience with all of your senses and savor each bite. You can eat a hotdog if all you want is to get full. Mindful masturbation is about savoring your sexual experiences, not rushing to the finish line to relieve sexual urges. Edging is useful when you want to expand your orgasmic capacity, so slow down when you are about to reach the point of no return.
Kenneth Play, [He/Him], Sex-hacker, International Sex Expert and Sex Educator [Kennethplay.Com] & Co-Founder of Hacienda Villa [wearehacienda.com], an intentional sex-positive community, Images
Final Thoughts
Do not be afraid to masturbate, regardless of the size of your penis, or if you are in a situation or condition where it is preferable to abstinence. Masturbation can alleviate depression and anxiety, and it can even give some people a more self-assured image of themselves.