“Sex Magic” is one of those phrases that can immediately pique the interest of everyone within earshot, cutting through the room and halting any nearby conversations as people wonder what those two already fantastic words could mean when used together. The term may bring to mind mystical rituals, tantric practices, or other alluring and bewitching mental images.
In reality, sex magic can be a fairly simple practice and one that brings deep, powerful change into your life with pleasure-filled simplicity. This change can reshape your perspective on life, your goals, and your outlook when moving towards them, and help to bring everything you’ve been longing for into reach. The practice can be viewed as having a mystical or scientific basis (or a combination of both), but no matter how you see it, the transformative effect sex magic can have is undoubtedly powerful.
The idea behind sex magic is simple. Instead of thinking about erotic fantasies while you masturbate, you think about your goals in vivid detail, whether it’s a dream career shift, a beautifully supportive relationship, your dream apartment, or any other thing you want to create in your life. Envision every nuance, focusing especially on how reaching that goal would make you feel - whether that’s joy, fulfillment, relaxation, pride, pleasure. Welcome in all those feelings, images, and sensations and allow it to fuel your pleasure.
This isn’t the easiest thing to do at first. It may feel strange to think about non-sexual things while masturbating, as we’re often taught to compartmentalize sexual pleasure into “appropriate” visions of what that “normal pleasure” looks like. But the truth is that erotic pleasure is a wonderful, nurturing force that can lay the foundation for a happy, fulfilling life well beyond sexuality or a satisfying release (although that’s celebratory in and of itself!).
If it’s challenging at first, don’t worry! It takes practice to re-wire your mind to associate your goals with pleasure, and sex magic itself is part of that practice. As a beginner’s tip, you can start with your usual fantasies, erotica, or a tantalizing film, then as you approach the peak of pleasure or orgasmic inevitability, switch to visualizing your non-intimate desires. Even just a few moments of connecting pleasure to your goals can have an incredible impact.
So, how exactly does this process work to move us toward our goals? It may seem “woo woo”, but there actually is a scientific precedent to this practice. Many people view this practice as purely mystical, in that it’s changing the fabric of the universe to move our goals toward us. While that may be possible, I also view sex magic as a practice that helps to create a Pavlovian pleasure response toward my goals. The psychologist Pavlov was made famous by an experiment he conducted in which his dog began to associate being fed with a particular sound, and would salivate even when there was no food around as soon as he heard the sound.
In the same way, sex magic helps our mind associate our goals with erotic pleasure so that simply thinking about our goals can begin to elicit that orgasmic sensation. It may sound strange to think that sitting down to work could bring you sexual pleasure, but sex magic literally trains your brain to feel exactly that.
When I first started practicing sex magic, the results were noticeable almost immediately. I couldn’t wait to get started on new projects, and was bursting at the seams with energy to wake up and get started on my goals. I found that sitting down to work became so much easier, and I had so much motivation to move forward. Completing tasks now feels downright orgasmic, and makes me hungry to keep going to finish the next one.
As you explore your pleasure, sex magic can powerfully shift and transform your experience of reality, so that simply working toward your goals brings you an expansiveness of pleasure, which it turn, makes it so much easier to achieve them.
We usually think about erotic pleasure as something separate from the rest of our lives. Masturbation can be a fun activity that gives us pleasure, relaxes us, helps us sleep, or eases sexual tension. Whether we do it once a week or multiple times a day, we often view it as a fun physical activity that temporarily satisfies our desires or helps us release pressure.
Pleasure for the sake of pleasure itself is completely valid, and you never need to have a reason to pleasure yourself. It certainly doesn’t need to be purpose-focused or have any tangible benefit at all for it to be enjoyed as the wonderful experience it is. However, it can be helpful to recognize all the amazing benefits of masturbation, especially as we work to expand our pleasure and unwrite shame around it.
Through exploring sex magic, I’ve learned how to harness the power of my pleasure to help me reach my goals, and create a life aligned with all that I desire. It helped me to envision the future that I want to create for myself in vivid detail, and associate the vision with so much pleasure that I’m even more motivated, inspired, and energized to work toward it.
If you want to start or deepen a sex magic practice, I would love to share my practice with you, plus the grounding meditation and visualization techniques I use to maximize the powerful, transformative experiences you can have from self-pleasure.
To learn more, download my FREE Sensual Self Care and Sex Magic Ebook on my website, to support you to harness your erotic power to effortlessly infuse pleasure into every aspect of your life. Download now at lorraejo.com/ebooks
Lorrae Jo Bradbury is a sex, love, and empowerment coach whose sex-positive work helps the erotically curious to overcome shame and navigate kink, poly, and queer identities. After founding Slutty Girl Problems in 2011 to destigmatize sexuality and reclaim “slut” as an empowering term, she now focuses her efforts on supporting others with tools for deep self-love, sensual embodiment, and authentic communication.