Let’s talk about plus-size pleasure! It’s Masturbation Month...it’s only right!
Hi, my name is Brianna and I am a plus size blogger (at The B Word) who talks all things taboo with a goal of empowering plus people to live their boldest, most authentic, BEST life. I truly believe through media representation we can connect and heal, especially as plus size people.
When we talk about the fat experience….yes I used the “F word”, we typically hear experiences with feeling isolated, shamed, guilted for our bodies rather than exploring ways we can celebrate our bodies, enjoy and even luxuriate in pleasure. Plus size people have sex, lots of it, with partners, with consenting groups, with ourselves. Yet, in most mass media we are continually represented as either a fetish, high sexualized or unattractive + undesirable. I internalized this for the majority of my life. I didn’t even question wy I thought people wouldn’t be romantically interested in me. Let alone, see me naked and pursue my pleasure.
It wasn’t until I was having terrible sex, that I decided I needed to pursue my own personal pleasure. You know the phrase, “if you don't know how to do it, how can you expect someone else to know?”. Here’s the thing, my pleasure was never the priority and babes….I settled for that. We simply can’t stay in that mindset!
As a plus size person who learned most of how the world views fatness from early 2000’s mass media….where were my sexually confident plus size babes? I cant even really point to one that I really identified with? Queen Latifah, Raven Symone, Mo’nique? All icons...but it still wasn’t coming together for me. I can be fat, hot and desired. Dare I say...all three at the same time?!
In my pursuit of pleasure, I needed to first allow myself to be the sexually liberated person I always wanted to be. Of course, easier said than done. I had to reintroduce myself to my body and embrace it. This took time in the mirror, clothed and unclothed. This took exploring the porn-universe and it must definitely took toys. This also took filling my social media feeds with fellow plus size creators, there is so much power in plus people being visible online. Just the spark of, “oh she looks like me and she looks fucking gorgeous”....does so much of the unlearning for us. The same energy I was giving to others who looked like me, I needed to give to myself. Cue toys and cue touch.
For so long I avoided touching parts of my body, mostly my belly. I know I’m not alone, so many plus people tell me this is also their experience. By embracing my belly, by carressing it, by letting it hang, by relaxing it, by deep belly laughing naked with a partner….could I heal not only my life long, internal body shaming monologue but also was this the key to having amazing sex?
For me, it was. I found that enjoying my body freely, empowered me in all aspects of my life. Plus size pleasure is powerful because it’s us claiming the space we take up in the world. It’s us embracing that we are worthy of amazing sex and ultimately an amazing life. Believe me when I tell you, we plus size people deserve it everything...most of all pleasure in our bodies.
Written by Brianna McDonnell