By Ryn Pfeuffer
I masturbate with a group of women every Sunday on Zoom. Here's what it's taught me about my pleasure and orgasm.
Since the start of COVID-19, I've masturbated virtually most Sundays with a few dozen women from around the world. The common thread? Our Bodysex work with Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross. Ultimately, Bodysex workshops are all about connecting women’s minds and bodies to their orgasms. This is done by helping women find the power of their pussies through a series of activities like Group Share, Genital Show and Tell, Erotic Recess, and Guided Masturbation.
Dodson was the OG pioneer of human sexuality and a true feminist liberator. Ross, Betty's co-conspirator, is president of the Betty Dodson Foundation and the badass who had an on-camera orgasm on Netflix’s The Goop Lab. During her famous group-sex parties of the '70s, Dodson pushed the boundaries for women seizing power in the sack – and she never stopped. Unfortunately, the artist, author, and high priestess of self-pleasure left the planet in 2020 at 91. Still, she left behind an army of women to carry on her mantra: "liberating women one orgasm at a time."
Pre-pandemic, the Bodysex babes gathered at Menla, a Buddhist retreat center in upstate New York, for a week of pleasure-fueled workshops. In between the bacchanal, we stay connected via a private Facebook group. After Dodson and Ross’ appearance on The Goop Lab, they booked a full spring schedule of Bodysex workshops – more than 2000 women packed the waiting list. Unfortunately, the episode aired the same week the CDC confirmed the first case of COVID-19 in the United States, which put workshops in NYC, as well as for facilitators around the globe, on pause.
Ross suggested a Zoom meeting to check in with one other. Twenty-two women participated, representing nine countries and eight US states. What came out of our discussion was the desire to have an abbreviated virtual Bodysex circle for our group. Cue the launch of virtual Erotic Recess, aka my weekly group masturbation session on Zoom.
Every Sunday around noon, I set up my space and create a mood. I put a blanket on my sofa and curate the sex toys I most want to fuck. Usually, it's a stainless steel barbell and a wand vibrator. I put out lube and tissues and light a candle. I angle my laptop camera depending on my mood. Sometimes, it's a close-up cunt shot; other times, a long side view of me lying on the sofa. Participants can show as much – or as little – as they wish. And if they're more comfortable using audio-only, that's OK too. Sometimes I get sexed up and wear lingerie for the occasion; other times, I show up simply wearing a robe.
Everyone dials into the call, and we spend some time catching up. Sex toys are a hot topic. The group is eager to dive deep into the pros, cons, and latest faves. We plan how we will conquer the world, one orgasm at a time. And when we're done, we set an intention, a place to send our collective orgasmic energy for the week. This tangle of beautifully vulnerable women is the sisters, mothers, and mentors I always wish I had had.
Ross directs, “Shoulders back, tits out,” and we do some basic breathing exercises. We hold our breath for as long as it feels comfortable and let out a long exhale. Next, we connect with our chakras, with or without a vibrator from root to crown. Now, calm and relaxed, we get down to the business of self-pleasure for a good 30-45 minutes. At this point, the call is unstructured, and it is every vulva for itself. We moan, writhe, and come, virtually, in our respective spaces. It's beautiful to watch such a broad spectrum of pleasure. And I can close my eyes and know exactly who's coming at any given moment based on their sounds and breathing. It's the ultimate privilege to be able to watch friends experience pleasure in real-time. We cheer on one another's orgasms; pause and focus on whoever is coming: "Oh wait, there it is," says Ross. "Her feet are coming off the bed." And when you think it’s over and you couldn’t possibly come again, someone always chimes in, usually Ross, “I think I’ll go back for one more.”
This one hour of the week is better than therapy, and I pinky-swear promise, it's hotter than most porn. Need proof? Listen here. Pleasure connects us to our breath and our bodies. Oxytocin, a hormone the brain makes during orgasm, relieves stress and boosts immunity. The sisterhood of this group helps my mind stay afloat, and the practice of Bodysex grounds my whole being. As Betty said, “Women are bottomless pits of sexual pleasure,” and it’s never been more apparent than during these Sunday sessions of self-love.