Self-care list looks like this:
Take a bubble bath. Go for a walk. Get a massage. Hydrate. Meditate. Masturbate.
Wait. Masturbate?
YES. Masturbate!
A great self-care practice focuses on nurturing our bodies and souls to give us space to dream, be nourished, relax and rejuvenate so that we can be the healthiest version of ourselves possible. Self-care builds self-esteem. It helps us to explore ourselves, and live more fully in our bodies. And in the long run, it can help us feel more empowered to make great decisions for ourselves.
A masturbation self-care practice can do all of those things, and more! But as many sex educators know, lots of people shortchange themselves when it comes to their solo sex; they focus on getting to orgasm as quickly as possible, and often without getting creative or focusing on non-genital pleasure. Especially during times where we’re stressed or anxious, it’s really easy to forget that orgasms are not the only way to experience pleasure (and for many folks, they’re not even the best way to focus on it!).
Starting your masturbation self-care practice is easy, though; you just need to make time to get comfortable, get creative, and get it on! Here are some tips to get you started:
-Set up times to masturbate just as you would set up time for a special date with a lover. After all, you’re prioritizing your pleasure here, so pull out all the stops! Light a candle, or take a shower to relax. Put on something that makes you feel sensual or sexy (or, take off everything and let your naked skin enjoy all the sensations!). Turn off your phone, your computer, and shut your door.
-Don’t just go for the O. You can use an “outside in” technique to work your way towards your genitals - spend time touching (or focusing on the sensations of) your arms, or legs; massage your scalp with light touches, and grab your favorite sensation toy and run it along your skin. You can slowly move closer towards your personal hotspots as you get more comfortable and aroused, but give yourself plenty of time to enjoy the journey.
-Expand your headspace. Think about something that turns you on - either a memory, or a sexual fantasy. Play some music that helps you feel sexy - maybe some jazz or other seductive music, or even some hard, driving rock that makes you feel ready to get it on. You could also listen to your own sounds - your heavy breathing and gasps are sexy all by themselves. Watch yourself in the mirror and enjoy the sight of your body when you’re aroused & feeling erotic. If you feel like a little encouragement would be useful, you can read some erotica, watch some ethically created porn, or even get your partner (remote, or in the same room) involved for some visual and auditory inspiration.
-Change up what you’re doing. Do you usually use one toy? Try a different one! Put gloves on before you touch yourself to change the sensation. Use lube, even if you don’t usually. Try touching your genitals in different ways and places. Use both hands instead of just one. Or try using a toy for the first time. It’s your chance to give yourself a gourmet experience instead of a quickie!
-When you’re ready to wind down (whether or not you have an orgasm - it’s not required for a really hot masturbation session), give yourself some aftercare. Maybe you’d like to have a comfy robe nearby to put on, or you want to make a cup of tea or enjoy a delectable treat. You might want to snuggle into bed and enjoy your afterglow. Write yourself - or your partner - a love letter - the oxytocin running through your veins can inspire lots of warm, loving thoughts. Just end your session with the same grace that you’d end a hot sex date with a lover - show your body and your spirit that same sense of pleasure and gratitude that you’d like to feel from your partner.
Sarah Sloane (she/her) is a nationally recognized sexuality & relationships educator and coach. Sloane works as the Education & Communications Consultant for #open, an inclusive dating and community app that welcomes members of all genders, orientations, and relationship structures.
Here at #open, we know that cherishing our own bodies and spirits is the first step to having the kinds of intimate connections that we’re all searching for, and we invite you to use this Masturbation May to get in deeper touch with your body - and your partner’s body!