If you have a penis, you’re practically inundated with masturbation content. All your friends are talking about it, the school nurse teaches you about it, your priest warns you against it, and there is a never-ending stream of shitty dude movies with cheap wanking jokes.
In comparison, female masturbation is never talked about. If it’s ever mentioned, it’s in hushed, shameful tones stating that girls don’t do “that”. That it’s not “proper”. That it’s not “normal”.
You probably know by now that it’s all bullshit and wanking won’t make you blind or give you hairy palms. You may have masturbated before, or maybe you’re just getting interested in adding some battery-powered friends to your repertoire. In fact, more and more people with vulvas are curious about using sex toys. Not just as a spicy way to enhance their sex lives, but on their own, for themselves and their pleasure only.
When people say “treat yourself”, they’re not just talking about a big shop-up at Sephora.
But if you’ve never tried masturbating with a toy before, all the different options may be intimidating. You click on a sex shop and there are monster cock vibrators, veiny dildos, glass tentacle dildos, weird suction toys, butt plugs, beads…and there’s dozens of each, at all different price points.
Where do you start? How do you choose? And do you REALLY need a three-pronged giant purple dildo?
Let’s do a quick and easy rundown on the basic toys for a beginner masturbator and how to use them.
Dildos
A dildo is essentially a penis replica. It can be made from silicone, glass, wood, metal, or other materials, but most are silicone or plastic. Dildos are usually some of the first toys people with vulvas pick up, but they can also be some of the most intimidating.
When you go online and all that comes up is huge, veiny penises, it can scare you away. But the good news is that there are smaller, thinner, less explicit and more beginner-friendly dildos out there.
The point is, a dildo doesn’t need to be aggressively phallic. It may even be something subtle you can safely leave around the house and no one will realize.
How do you use them?
A dildo is a penetrative toy, so it is to be used internally. All you have to do is get into a comfortable position, lying down, sitting down, or kneeling – spreading your legs slightly helps – make sure you are aroused, and slowly insert the head of the dildo inside your vagina.
Using lube is always a good idea, even if you’re self-lubricated enough.
If you don’t meet any resistance, it doesn’t hurt, and it feels alright, then you can push further as deep as you can. You can start moving the dildo in and out in a way that feels good. You can try different speeds or different amounts of pressure.
The point is for that friction to stimulate the G-spot. It’ll feel really good, and if you’re one of the lucky ones, you may even orgasm from this type of masturbation.
Quick tip: Dildos can be pretty basic and replicating the shape of a real penis, or they can take some liberties and have ridges and nubs on them, or even be slightly curved, to stimulate your G-spot. Some of them look like they came straight out of tentacle porn. These “extras” can help you orgasm by stimulating your G-spot with more than just friction.
G-spot toys
A G-spot toy is a toy that is specially designed to stimulate your G-spot. Because of that feature, it will typically have a curved shape. G-spot toys can be dildos, vibrators – or wands. They’re kind of like skinnier dildos that are less about penetration, and all about hitting that G-spot.
G-spot toys, like dildos, can be made from plastic, glass, wood, metal, etc. Wands are usually glass or metal, but G-spot vibrators will usually be made from plastic.
All the stimulation bits, like nubs, vibrations, special shapes, etc. will be concentrated in the bit that ends up rubbing against your G-spot.
How do you use them?
A G-spot toy is a penetrative toy, just like a dildo. That means that you insert it in your vagina in the same kind of conditions as you would your fingers or a dildo. Sit in a comfortable position, spread your legs slightly, and make sure you’re properly lubricated.
If you’re not sure where your G-spot is, it’s located on the front wall of your vagina. If you put your fingers inside and do a come-here movement, you should be able to feel that it’s slightly textured. This is what you’re aiming for.
Keep at it, and you may be able to turn this masturbation session into a happy ending.
Quick tip: Be aware of the fact that stimulating your clit can actually lead to a G-spot orgasm. The G-spot is actually part of the internal structure of your clitoris, so they’re very much linked. When you stimulate the clit, externally, it causes it to swell, making the internal G-spot more swollen and sensitive as well, and thus, more likely to be stimulated to completion.
Vibrators
To put it simply, a vibrator is a sex toy that vibrates. Pretty easy so far.
Vibrators are largely used as external toys, meant to stimulate your clitoris. However, there are varieties that are meant for internal use and penetration. Some combo toys have a dual purpose of penetration and clitoral stimulation, and they tend to be VERY popular.
Vibrators can be battery-powered or they can plug into the wall. They also tend to offer different vibration intensity. You can’t fry your clit off, but you CAN desensitize it if you attack it with a vibrator that is too powerful.
How do you use them?
A vibrator is, perhaps, even easier to use than a dildo. You just need to locate your clitoris – it’s above your vaginal entrance, above your urethra. It’s a small nub, and it may be hidden under a clitoral hood.
Found it? Good.
Now, you can turn on your vibrator at the lowest intensity and start running it slowly over your clitoris. It should feel almost ticklish but in a really good way. You can move it in any direction you want that feels good, but most people with vulvas get good results with circular motions.
If you’ve got the right combination of intensity + movement, you should feel the sensation building up into an orgasm. Congrats!
Quick tip: Where you place the vibrator depends on each person and their clitoris and how sensitive it is. Some people cannot stand direct contact, so they prefer indirect stimulation, by holding the vibrator next to their clit or wrapping the vibrator in a towel. Others need full-on maximum intensity. You have to play around to figure out your preferences.
Whatever toy you choose, do not use it without LUBE
The most important part of playing with toys isn’t the toy itself but making sure that there is enough lubrication going on. You may be very gifted in the self-lubrication department, in which case you may not need lube.
However, it’s always better to be safe than sorry, so before you engage in any activities, open up your lube and cover both your toy and your genitals in it.
No, I’m not kidding, make sure there’s lots of it.
That way, you make sure that the toy is going to slip in with ease, without pain, and most importantly, without damaging your very sensitive genital tissue.
Written by Deon Black of LetsTalkSex.net