What are Voyeurism + Exhibitionism and why are they so hot!?
CK: Exhibitionism is wanting to be watched — either in the act, sexually, or naked in public. It’s also the desire to expose yourself or masturbation in front of a stranger. Voyeurism is getting off from the watcher’s perspective. They’re opposites, yet they’re a perfect match. And they’re hot because — as one of our recent guests, sex therapist and famed author Ian Kerner, would say — they keep the erotic thread alive and on fire. To me, exhibitionism primarily functions as super-effective foreplay, but for some, it’s the main event.
What are some ways to incorporate a voyeurism/exhibitionism desire into your masturbation?
CK: Start by determining if just the idea of it turns you on. If so, imagine your ultimate fantasy scenario. Maybe fucking on the Ferris wheel at Coachella or streaking through Times Square. Spend some time daydreaming and masturbating to that version. Then when you’re ready to dip your toe in outside of your fantasy, you’re in luck because it’s 2021, and the Internet is your oyster. Unless part of your kink is the public aspect, there are LOTS of ways to explore both of these yin-yang fantasies in the privacy of your own home. Obviously, OnlyFans is a popular platform at the moment, and it’s a great place to dip your toe in. Always wondered what your best friend’s girlfriend looked like naked? Well, now you can peep that in a respectful, ethical way without blowing up your spot.
What are some tips for using masturbation-voyeurism to introduce a Exhibitionist kink to a partner?
CK: Masturbating while your partner watches (or vice versa) can be oh so titillating. If life with your long-term partner has become too centered on the day-to-day drudge of work, kids, and your neverending to-do lists, some lowkey exhibition and voyeurism could be exactly what the doctor ordered to spice things up. Shooting a masturbation video on your phone and texting it to your (consenting) partner with a little note about how you were thinking about them and got turned on is a great way to introduce this kink. Playing with yourself while FaceTiming them, maybe even just over your panties, is another way to test the waters. A cool side effect is your partner getting to see how you like it and what kind of touch turns each of you on.
For those potentially interested in Voyeurism + Exhibitionism, what are some scenarios they can fantasize about to help determine if the kink is worth pursuing?
CK: If you and your partner think you both might be into exhibitionism, you could explore that — at your own risk! — by banging in your car someplace public, but where you’re unlikely to encounter security. If you’re a dress-wearer, you could tell your partner you’re not wearing panties at dinner and then give them a peek under the table. Or do the classic 50s-housewife-trying-to-save-her-marriage thing, and meet your boo at the door after work completely naked and then serve them dinner as if nothing is unusual while they’re salivating over your titties. You could also sit them down for an impromptu striptease at an unsuspecting time. These scenarios are just to get the creative juices flowing, feel free to put your own spin on it and, most importantly, have fun!
Do you think OnlyFans has helped those with an exhibitist desire, monetize off masturbation? How so?
CK: I have a bit of an exhibitionist’s kink, and even though I don’t masturbate on my account — I mostly post topless and sexy bikini or lingerie pics — OnlyFans still has been a fantastic outlet for me to indulge that in a very satisfying way. I want stranger’s eyes on my body, and I’m also in a monogamous long-term relationship, and OnlyFans has been the perfect way to do both AND make money at the same time. It’s honestly a fantasy cum true. Plus, I get to funnel that horny energy I get from my OnlyFans account back into my relationship. It’s a win-win-win scenario.
Courtney Kocak, [She/Her] Co-founder & Co-Host of Private Parts Unknown [privatepartsunknown.com], a podcast exploring love & sexuality around the world, Images