I might be just speaking for myself but quarantine is kicking my sex drive’s ASS. I find myself in a weird transition between either very high highs looking to explore every kink or fetish I’ve ever had a weird dream about, or wanting my partner so far away from me I politely ask if he can spend time on the opposite side of my house. They are great, but sometimes I just need 5 minutes to myself, I’m sure some of you can relate.
As a society, we have found ourselves within a “new normal” which means some of us spend a large amount of time with our romantic partners, something that has been an adjustment for me and my masturbation schedule.
Although the sex within my relationship has always been spicy, after 4 weeks in quarantine I realized I was entering a sex ‘groundhog day” for the first time and it was mostly my doing. As a way to spice things up within my relationship I decided the best decision would be to take penetrative sex off the table for a night, and transition to suggesting something new…
“ Masturbation in relationships can be tricky. By asserting your need to have a different kind of sexual experience than your partner can provide, it can feel like a rejection of them.” Dr. Sparkle ( twitter). Masturbation can sometimes be a weird talking point for couples who share all other intimacy. It feels vulnerable and sometimes invasive. It can be a completely private event in which you allow yourself to be completely honest with your body but can be scary to share with others.
Within my own relationship, I knew that I personally had a partner who identifies as sex-positive. A partner who is always looking for me to initiate, and open up to them. So I knew the suggestion of mutual masturbation would stimulate him, not inherently scare him away. But I wanted to go even bolder, raunchier within our usual scenes.
I first laid out all of the toys I owned in a nice neat row, placing them perfectly in between us where we sat on opposite ends of the couch. I leaned over intimately, making sure a bit of cleavage was present and whispered in his ear ‘pick one for me, and I’ll pick one for you”. His eyes perked up at me controlling the narrative AND his orgasm. As we slowly went back and forth from personal arousal to virtual stimulation from the other, he politely asked me if he was allowed to cum.
Mutual masturbation can be an easy sexual space to share with a partner (or two), while still being highly entertaining and erotic. The denial of touch from the other, along with learning what makes your partner “get off” makes it a perfect buildup for a night in. We find ourselves in a new situation that calls for some adaptability, safety, and excitement. Watching your partner masturbate while sipping on a nice glass of wine can be the perfect date night under quarantine. I highly suggest spicing it up even more by adding accessories to help give options and to give partnered play to increase the pleasure. I personally love when my partner gives me their controls.
By Megan Ixim, IG @msgiggles