Mutual masturbation allows you to free your inner voyeur and exhibitionist as you reveal (and watch) what most people will never see. As you uncover this new space of mutual satisfaction, there’s a possibility to learn more about your own kinks and what pleasures your partner. We’ve asked Taylor Sparks, Erotic Educator and Founder of Organic Loven, to give us some tips on getting off together.
Can you tell us what mutual masturbation is and why someone may enjoy this?
TS: Mutual masturbation is when two sexual partners masturbate together at the same time. This can be enjoyable because you can enjoy the exhibitionist side and the voyeuristic side of each other.
What are your favorite positions and techniques for mutual masturbation?
TS: My personal favorite is with each of us reclined back facing each other with our legs spread so that we have a clear view of what is happening. I can see his facial expressions and watch how he strokes himself and at what speed and how it varies. Personally I like being watched as I use a sex toy, the bullet being my favorite and asking for additional stimulation like kissing, words of affection and biting to heighten the sensations.
What are the benefits of masturbating with your partner?
TS: Primarily getting to know how to please your partner by watching them please themselves. You can learn all the ways that they enjoy to be touched so that you can do the same.
Showing your partner how you masturbate is the perfect way to teach them how you like to be stimulated - how can you bring this up with your partner?
TS: What we tend to say to our partner is what we ‘don’t like’. Instead, start the conversation with all the things that you enjoy that they do to and for you. It’s best to have this conversation away from the bedroom and not right before or after sex. In the car on a drive, over breakfast or on a walk or run. While telling them how much you enjoy the way they do XYZ, then add, you know what else I would enjoy? If we did___________ and ________ together. I would really like that too. Do you want to try that with me? I would really like us to do that together. When you preface a request with something that is positive that is already happening between you, you are more likely to get a positive response.
What if you’re shy about masturbation? How can you get this conversation started with your partner?
TS: One way is to preface the conversation with your hesitation to ask. You can start as above by stating all of the things that you enjoy that your partner does. Then add, I’d like to ask you for something that has been on my mind for some time but I am nervous about what you may think of me or what you think of what I’d like to ask of you. If I write it down, will you take a few moments to think about it before answering? Will you hold space for me because I’ve never asked anyone else this before? Asking your partner to hold space for you helps them realize that this is important for you and that you want their support in this big step for you.
Taylor Sparks, [She/Her] Erotic Educator and Founder of Organic Loven [organicloven.com], one of the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shops Images