Most of us have never experienced a national medical pandemic before. We’re all concerned about basic needs…how do we get food? How do we stay safe?? And how the hell do we have sex!? If I’m single, my love life just took a drastic turn and if I’m partnered, it might have as well. Masturbation could be a key denominator in bringing us pleasure and also reminding us that we’re all human.
Masturbation has a long history of being taboo. The ancient world did not give any attention to masturbation and it was barely mentioned in religious teachings about sexuality. For example, in Judaism, every year, men still say a prayer apologizing for masturbating (due to the spill of seed). It’s an interesting paradox. On one hand, Judaism is acknowledging that masturbation is happening and that the behavior won’t stop, but then apologizing for it, which gives it a negative label. Most religions feel this way, if not worse about it according to their ancient texts. The idea of “solitary sex” being a vice, something that was polluted and abusive, came into being around 1712. Some of the most famous physicians of the 18th and 19th centuries were convinced that it was medically harmful as well. Finally, in the early 20th century, Freud and his successors changed the tune. They reckoned that masturbation was not only “normal” but it actually defined a stage in human development (Laqueur, T. W. (2003). Solitary sex: A cultural history of masturbation). Although Freud moved us into seeing self-pleasure as something important and needed, it’s still currently highlighted as a forbidden and shameful subject in society and in relationships.
We, as a society in 2020 have made definite progress in this realm but people still stigmatize it as something “negative” or “bad.” All the human sexuality literature will tell you that masturbation is not only a positive behavior, but it is one of the best ways to show self-love. And guess what? It’s free! If you remember to wash your hands thoroughly before and after, it also doesn’t spread Covid-19. Taking time for yourself during such an uncertain chapter in life is incredibly important. Masturbation is a healthy and happy way to practice self-care. Have a partner and want to try something new? Mutual masturbation. Have a partner and want a break? Solo masturbation. Single and missing sex with new partners? Order a new toy! What a wonderful time to indulge in something fun and different.
It’s hard not to focus on the negatives the pandemic brings, but focusing on the silver linings can be a wonderful way to cope. Many people are noticing that being with their family more, or cooking more, or gardening more, has brought them back in touch with what’s important. I say let’s do that with our own bodies as well! We neglect our own bodies in so many ways. Let’s get back in touch with them and use this as a time to respect, honor, and learn more about them. Let’s appreciate all that our bodies can give us—not run from the feelings and sensations—but embrace them and love them. That doesn’t go to say that everyone will be able to do this. If masturbation begins to become worrisome and is causing more distress than de-stressing, take a step back, and seek counseling. But if it’s something that feels good or you’ve been wanting to explore more, it’s the perfect time to do it!
Written by Dr. Samantha Appel, Licensed Psychologist & Clinical Sexologist