Masturbation is great for learning about your body!
However, for people who identify outside of the gender binary, it can be an intimidating and scary thing. Interacting with aspects of the anatomy can cause gender dysphoria (the feeling of discomfort or distress that might occur in people whose gender identity differs from their sex assigned at birth or sex-related physical characteristics) and this is one of the various reasons masturbating can be difficult for gender diverse individuals.
However, masturbation can exist as a safe space for gender diverse individuals to explore their gender and sexuality. Learning about your anatomy and how to please yourself creates a bond between yourself and your body. It’s as simple as looking at your genitals, getting to know them and everything else about your body. Masturbation doesn’t only involve your genitals and exploring your entire body, finding what feels good and what doesn’t, can allow you to explore not only your gender identity and biology but your sexuality too.
Masturbation looks different to each person and there isn’t one way to get off! Queerifying masturbation is key in allowing gender-diverse folk and those of different sexual orientations to please themselves as everyone should!
The language we use around masturbation is also important. Changing the language you use to discuss masturbation and your anatomy can help validate your gender identity. For some gender-diverse folk, using the biological terms of the anatomy can cause dysphoria - using a fun nickname as a replacement can be gender-affirming. For others, the biological terms are perfectly ok to use as they feel comfortable in the fact that there is a difference between gender identity and sex. Even terms to do with the act of masturbation have been gendered by society when in reality, it has nothing to do with gender. The most commonly gendered term is ‘wank’ which is considered the male term for masturbation when in reality - anyone can wank! De-gendering these terms can help validate trans experience and pleasure.
Toys can also be a difficult topic for gender diverse folk, especially if branded as either ‘male’ or ‘female’. Shopping with gender-inclusive sex toy companies, run by trans and nonbinary individuals can be gender affirming and can make buying toys fun! Sex toy’s shouldn’t be gendered especially as many toys are universal for all sexes. Avoiding heteronormative language when discussing the use of toys is also important, buying gender-inclusive couple’s toys which can be used by couples of any sexual orientation is also affirming and validating. For trans folk who are transitioning, there are specific sex toys that are designed specifically with you in mind, its a good idea to explore these too.
Some people like using porngraphic material to masturbate to and trans folk are no different! I am a big advocate for ethical porn and believe there is nothing wrong in using external material to please yourself with. Finding the right porn for you is really important, typically we search for porn that is relatable to us, our gender identity and sexuality - searching for ethical transgender and nonbinary porn may be help to explore your own body and anatomy in a sexual way. Porn is also a great way to explore your sexuality, to dip your toes in before physically being sexual with someone.
Masturbating isn’t for everyone and not everyone masturbates in the same way! Both are valid.
No matter how you identify, you deserve pleasure!
Article written by Demi Whitnell