I must confess that sometimes I need a pleasure detox. Quite often I get stressed and end up grabbing the most powerful vibrator I have in my drawer, reach orgasm in record time, and I’m not even horny. Don’t get me wrong, I feel a shoot of oxytocin, wellbeing, and all that, but five minutes later I want more. Not because I’m full of longing, but because that orgasm was not enough. It was fast, automated, and low quality. The first time I realized this, I knew I needed to find a way to fully enjoy the peak of pleasure. I know we’re all busy and life is overwhelming at times, so let me share with you my detox guide.
1. Do research in your body
Our bodies are incredible, perfectly designed machines that have extraordinary features. Even if you think you know a lot about your genitalia, take time to get to know it better. For example, did you know that clit expands through the beginning of the vagina? This explains why, even though we don’t receive external stimulation, we find penetration arousing. Read books, watch documentaries, listen to podcasts, and follow sex experts. Any random fact can give you a better perspective on your pleasure.
2. Take it slowly
Forget everything. Seriously. Masturbation should be like meditation, so avoid thoughts that have nothing to do with your pleasure. A fast orgasm is nice sporadically, but often we get used to a quick lazy rush of hormones that can even affect our sex life. A very interesting practice is edging. It’s about hitting snooze on your orgasms as you do with your alarm now and then. When you feel you’re close to cumming, stop the stimulation and start again in a few minutes. Repeat several times and when you finally allow yourself to climax it will be terrific.
3. Try new things
Routine is a creativity killer. Once we’ve found the sex toy, changing to another could sound complicated, even unnecessary. My advice is to vary how you reach climax: use different toys, focus on orgasms provided by your fingers, try new positions, try lubes or erotic cosmetics… In other words: seek new experiences. You may discover a better toy or a better experience that you’d like to repeat.
4. Listen to your body
I know it might sound very similar to number one, but it’s quite different. The main goal here is that you observe your responses, your actions, and your mood. Have you ever tried masturbating when you’re angry? The result won’t be the same as an orgasm that is originated by arousal. In my case, for instance, I’ve learned a lot from studying my menstrual cycle. I noticed that some days I feel more creative, while some others I am more energetic. Also, my orgasms are much more intense during my period. These variations affect how we masturbate and reach climax.
5. Communicate with your sex partner
Last but not least: talk about pleasure with your sex partner(s)! Even if you think you’re really experienced in sex, we’re all different and we find pleasure in unique situations and practices. Our bodies are not the same even though we share organs and bones. We’re not fortune tellers either! If you don’t share your concerns and preferences you won’t fully enjoy what orgasms can offer.
In short, pleasure is all about you. Therefore, you need time for yourself – take care, understand your arousal, be creative, and practice to find how orgasm drives you crazy. There are no rules, just let it flow and… enjoy!
Written by Thais Duthie, sex writer and author