By Paige Montes
Hello, vagina-owners of the Universe! Are you in a masturbation rut or in search of a new technique? Turn to the stars. Or more accurately, me—your horny, humble author who follows one too many astrology meme accounts. In good fun, I present to you steamy suggestions for your auto-eroticism efforts. Try out your big three, AKA your sun, moon and rising signs, and report back. Or don’t! This is as personal as it gets.
Aries
If screaming into a pillow won’t calm you down, how about humping one? Getting fast and (progressively less) furious with this bedroom essential proves fairly simple. In fact, plenty of people first masturbated this way. Mount your pillow like a cowboy. Ride like mad to stimulate your clitoris. Experiment with both soft and firm pillows to find what your body likes best.
Taurus
It’s time to luxuriate in yourself, Taureans. Indulge in a solo spa day complete with candles, bubbles, R&B and, of course, some faucet fun. Try lying on your back with your cooch under the faucet. Let the warm water run over your vulva and clitoris (not inside your vagina!). A detachable shower head does the trick, too. Think of it as a spa day—except the happy ending is in your hands.
Gemini
Geminis get a bad rap. But you’re curious and open-minded! Open-minded enough to believe double penetration can, indeed, equal double the fun. Yes, we’re talking vaginal AND anal play. Get yourself a vibrating dildo that can do both. Of course, you can fool around with countless combinations of toys, too. Clit sucker plus a vibrating plug. A wand accompanied by anal beads. Go for it!
Cancer
Break from your heightened emotions and instead focus on heightened pleasure with solo sensation play. It’s all about harnessing the sensuality of your five senses. A wide array of techniques exists, from simply closing your eyes and grazing your nipples with your fingertips to dripping wax on your thighs while you inhale your favorite aroma. Who says hypersensitivity can’t be erotic?
Leo
Two words: mirror masturbation. Egotistical? Perhaps. Shameful? Never. It’s a radical act of self-love that, once you let yourself go, can boost your sexual confidence. Gaze into your own eyes. Admire your curves. Please yourself as you wish to be pleased. Or, here’s a two-for-one idea: watch yourself in the camera while you record a sexy video for a lover. It will make it even hotter.
Virgo
Virgo? A wet blanket? Only because they’re hiding a wet pussy under those sheets! Imagine the most organized toy collection you’ve had the pleasure of experiencing—and you can bet every curio is meticulously cleaned. Now, let’s. Switch. It. Up. Grab a toy (or a few faves) and let yourself get dirty, for once in your life dammit. Challenge yourself to climax in a place or position you normally wouldn’t!
Libra
Don’t just spread your wings, social butterflies. Spread those legs with a lover. Mutual masturbation is as underrated as it can be intimate. Touching yourself in front of another person requires vulnerability that can strengthen your emotional bond. You might even try exploring each other’s genitals. It’s also a sexy way to show your partner or partners your likes and desires. Goooo team!
Scorpio
Scorpio rules genitals, making y’all the kink masters of the zodiac. So, if anyone can handle a literal sex machine it’s a Scorpio. Dildo drills. The porn-famous Sybian. Auto thrust settings. The bells, whistles and silicone don’t intimidate you. And even if they do, you won’t knock it till you try it. If you’re not ready to invest in a costly machine, test out some of the many wand attachments out there.
Sagittarius
The free-spirited Sagittarius often experiences wanderlust. And lust lust. Sure, you can throw a vibrator in your carry on, but you know what you can take wherever, worry-free? Your fingers. Speaking of exploring, see if you can discover a new erogenous zone—your inner wrist or collarbone for instance. A good ol’ fashioned acoustic session is the one thing you should never get tired of.
Capricorn
Work hard, play hard? What’s that? For Capricorns too busy to pencil in a wank, slip on your snuggest jeans, align the seam with your sweet spots, cross your legs and rock your way to paradise as you plug away. Discreetly at your desk. Subtly on the subway. An O on the go is multitasking at its finest. Or, if you’re a gym goer, hop on a stationary bike and…you know the rest. No promises you won’t get distracted.
Aquarius
As an independent Aquarian, you enjoy your own company. But with the right erotic materials, you can really enjoy it. Find smutty fiction free online or pick up a burning hot romance at your local bookshop. Once you find a story that stimulates you, take it to the next level by dressing the part. Bedroom role playing can certainly be a one-person affair. Then, get swept up like the dreamer you are and masturbate the day away.
Pisces
You ethereal Pisces, you. Your woo-woo hoo hoo practically aches for a crystal dildo. Shops for these masturbatory gems might throw around words like chakras, healing energy and electro-magnetic fields, but the most important property to look for is body safe material. Opt for typically nonporous crystals like quartz, rose quartz, and amethyst. For an orgasm that’s out of this world, add arousal oils to the mix.