Coincidentally or not, May is both Masturbation Month as well as Mental Health Month, so I hope this piece on Mindful Masturbation ties the two together nicely.
Consider: Do you consider masturbation part of your self-care routine?
In this world inundated with PornHub highlights and fast-swiping dating apps, your masturbation practice may not be the first place you look for mindfulness. Instead of the perpetual race to orgasm, like we race from appointment to appointment, research suggests that a mindful approach to masturbation is effective in treating sexual difficulties related to performance anxiety, stress, depression, low libido, body image issues, chronic pain, and sexual trauma.
The basic principle is simple: Instead of only using your breath as a focal point during mindfulness exercises like meditation and body scanning, you also concentrate on pleasurable sensations that ground you in your body. No matter your lifestyle, you can benefit from incorporating mindfulness into your self-pleasure time.
The intent is not necessarily to orgasm. Instead, you indulge in discovering the textures, temperatures, visuals, memories, movements, pressures, smells, tastes, and sounds that turn you on and please your body. The only “requirement” of this practice is to let go of the preconceived notions of what mindfulness should be.
Masturbation is heightened during mindfulness. Try following these guidelines for a mindful practice.
Listen to your body and mind. Heighten the sensations around each point of your body, starting with your toe and working your way up. What different sensations do you notice? Don’t worry about the orgasm. Enjoy the present sensations.
Try using your imagination instead of porn. It’s ok to think about an ex, a friend, or a stranger. Fantasies can be separate from reality.
Learning without judgment. Avoid thoughts and distractions during your practice. Turn off the critical voice inside your head. When practicing mindfulness, the key is to focus your totality on the present moment. Complete immersion into the present increases your state of pleasure.
Check-in with yourself. Invite feedback and welcome thoughts to pass by. No question is too weird, too small, or off-limits. Ask yourself “How does this feel?” and “Is this something I want to explore more?”
Mix up your practice each time so that it does not become habitual or mundane. Use your breath, sound, touch, and movement to create a different practice each time. If you’re usually lying down, try sitting upright, or standing. Practice breathing fast; other times, slow and deep. Experiment with sound—moans, grunts, screams, “dirty” talk, music, or even spoken word. If you always touch yourself the same way, try new types of touch in new places on your body. If you always masturbate using a sex toy or vibrator, try some practices without those or vice versa. Dress in sexy clothes and have fun taking them off as you might with a lover. Engage your curiosity to help your practice remain mindful and fun.
Savor in the moment. Use the last five to ten minutes of your practice to lay, sit, or stand in stillness and just breathe deep and savor what you’ve created in your body. Think about the yoga pose “savasana,” also known as corpse pose or basic relaxation pose. It is possibly the most important (and difficult) part of a person's entire practice. If you don’t know what true relaxation feels like, you’re missing out on a world of mental health benefits.
Remember, this is a practice. Like after a productive workout, your mindfulness muscles will be sore from facing blockers — this could be fear of intimacy, trauma, self-defeating thinking, or boredom. Use these as learning opportunities. This shift in perspective embedded in mindfulness allows you to more easily return to a sense of presence when your mind inevitably wanders or comes up against those blocks, ultimately soreness is the strengthening of your muscles.
This all may sound abstract at first, but studies have shown physical evidence of increased pleasure. Both orgasm length and intensity demonstrate increases after incorporating a mindful masturbation practice. As the name suggests, “self-pleasure” should be about gratifying your own needs and desires. Take your time to listen to your body and mind and let your intuition guide you as you prioritize your pleasure time.
As we reflect on what masturbation & mindfulness means to us, and the history of Masturbation Month, ask yourself, does masturbation deserve a place in sex education?
Written by Joe Vela, musician and co-founder of Emojibator