Move Over, Magic Wand: Why I Love My Eggplant-Shaped Emojibator Vibrator

By Julianna Chen via Adolescent.net

I’m a bit of a minimalist when it comes to my sex life—very rarely will you find lube on my nightstand or toys in my bedside drawer. I don’t think that this gestures to my being boring but rather just lazy. Every time I’ve gone looking for Ways to Spice It Up in the Bedroom, I get overwhelmed by the dearth of Cosmo tips and seemingly endless variety of scary-looking sex toys out there. I purchased a cheap bullet vibrator for myself two years ago, and haven’t branched out beyond that.

So when Emojibator sent me a few toys this month, I was thrilled that I’d get to experiment without having to look too hard. Several of the toys were tailored to beginner vibrator users, while another got me out of my comfort zone. It was the perfect selection to start me on my journey of sexual exploration. 

Enticed by its spot-on similarity to that symbol regularly used in cheeky texts as emoji shorthand for “dick,” the Eggplant Emojibator was the first toy I reached for. Unlike the one other vibrator I’ve used—which was a stick-straight wand—I loved the slight curves of the Eggplant. The narrower end features a green “stem” with a button at its tip to activate the toy’s ten vibration settings; at its other end, the Eggplant gently flares out into a thicker, rounded shape that makes it uber-easy to hold while doing the deed. Its exterior is soft and smooth to the touch; according to the Emojibator website, the silicone that encases it is waterproof, medical-grade, and body-safe, making for better ease of bath and shower play. 

After inserting the included AAA battery, I got to work. Those aforementioned ten settings definitely did not disappoint: gradually increasing in intensity, the first three were standard, uninterrupted vibrations for simple-but-satisfying clitoral stimulation. Then came some interesting modes I’d never encountered on my old single-setting vibe. Some personal favorites included a slow-pulsating setting that emitted shorter vibrations with brief pauses in between, and a quicker-vibrating one that let out three bursts before one loooong one. 

While I felt that the motor of the Eggplant was a tad weaker than the vibrator I’m used to, I actually enjoyed it more. I’ve always found myself physically sensitive—to the point where sexual overstimulation is common for me. In solo masturbation sessions, a too-strong motor has meant I could only enjoy the vibrations for a few seconds at a time; during sex, I’ve had difficulty finding it hot if a partner uses toys on me because I couldn’t be in control of the strength or pressure of application. Most of the time, it’s simply been too much, and I’ve even laughed because it tickled rather than stimulated. When I incorporated the Eggplant into partner play, though, I luckily didn’t encounter any of this. The variety of settings and just-right motor strength made it easy for my partner to find a sweet spot for me. 

For even better partner play, I added the Phuksaus Water-Based Premium Lube. Although I’ve owned two different lubes before, I don’t often use them, so this was a welcome gift I was excited to try. The easy-twist tapered nozzle made targeted application to one area much easier than with other brands I’d tried, where liquid would squirt out seemingly everywhere. And with its water base, Phuksaus is safe for use with all toys, natural rubber latex, polyisoprene, and polyurethane condoms. 

Before even applying it in the genital area, I experimented with the lube on my body. It’s a super-fun experience to apply it with a partner—I felt and looked…shiny. Like, a million bucks. Plus, it left me slick to the touch, which made my partner remark that touching me felt much smoother; there was less friction and made us sort of melt together. (Is that cheesy?)

Nothing pulls me out of the moment more than a particularly plasticky-smelling lube, so what I loved most about Phuksaus was its lack of fragrance. Because of this, the lube felt natural, like it was complementing my body’s lubrication rather than replacing or overpowering it.

I usually have little issue achieving the level of wetness that makes initial penetration comfortable, which is why I didn’t use lube much before receiving Phuksaus. I notice the difference now, though. Even if initial wetness was there, repeated friction—especially during longer sessions—reduced it; when reapplied consistently, a good lube like Phuksaus makes everything glide so much easier. If you enjoy a rougher time, lube can also reduce the risk of vaginal tearing and soreness.

Next, I tried the Pickle Emojibator. Sharing the same key features as the Eggplant—waterproof silicone construction and ten vibration settings—the Pickle’s most distinctive characteristic is its texture. Unlike the smooth Eggplant, this toy exterior features raised ridges meant to imitate those of a real pickle. And although gastronomically correct, I found these “ribs” pleasing to the touch because of how anatomically reminiscent they were of the revered dick vein. For anyone seeking textural stimulation on the clitoris beyond vibration, the Pickle is a solid, safe bet. 
I incorporated the Pickle into solo masturbation by starting off with a slow pulsation to build tension before moving into uninterrupted long vibration. For a good edging experience, I alternated between the slow pulsation with pauses and the quick-vibrating setting. Emojibator makes it super easy to switch settings according to your mood and how you want to come; all you have to do is press the top button once to change or hold it down for a few seconds to stop altogether. 

Finally, I turned to the Candle Warming Vibrator Wand. This toy was unlike anything I’d ever used before, and I’m not going to lie—it was a little intimidating! Shaped like a standard candlestick, complete with a slim black base and small white “flame” on top, it actually looks pretty discreet, like it could blend in with anything else on your nightstand—the body of the toy is even adorned with wax-drip-shaped details. Like its sex toy siblings, it’s also made of body-safe silicone and features multiple settings (six in this case, although I feel that the Candle’s additional features make up for the lesser number of vibrations). A USB cable is included, as the toy requires a full charge before use.
The Candle is a dual-ended toy, which increases the play possibilities. The flame-shaped end vibrates, while the other end features a metal surface that warms up for simulated candle-drip experimentation. Both vibration and temperature settings are adjustable via the buttons conveniently placed in the center of the candlestick. 

I’ve never incorporated temperature into either sex or masturbation, so—because I was admittedly intimidated and out of my sexual safe-zone—I decided to take it slow and only use the Candle alone. I was pleased with the Candle vibrations; the tapered tip of the flame makes targeted stimulation even more deep and pleasurable than usual. And I was happily surprised by the warming capabilities! I initially worried that the toy would be extremely hot on my skin, offering a burning sensation better suited to someone who enjoys pain play (that person is not me)—however, I found the temperature to be comfortable and relaxing rather than overwhelming. 
Funnily enough, the Candle takes on a mainly non-sexual role for me. While the Eggplant, the Pickle, and Phuksaus are all currently regular favorites in the rotation of sex and masturbation aids, I turn to the Candle’s temperature settings when I’d like to calm down; I’d liken it to a smaller version of the hot water bottles one might use while suffering from period cramps.

But variety like that is the best thing I could ask for in my sex life, anyway—I’m pleased with all of my Emojibator products and happy to say that each one fulfills a different purpose. Where the Pickle turns me on, the Candle warms me up; finding the right products to get me there has taught me tons about getting in tune with my body. And, from doing that, I’ve learned that self-care and sex supplement each other: experimenting with so many different toys has made me realize the necessity of sexual satisfaction to my previously-unfulfilling methods of “taking care of myself.” Now, I know exactly how to do that—and exactly what to do it with. 

Julianna Chen is the Managing Editor of Lithium Magazine and a contributing writer for Adolescent Content. Currently pursuing Creative Writing and Chinese at Emory University, she splits her time between Pittsburgh and Atlanta.

Ten Famous Paintings of Women That Were Most Likely Masturbating, Masturbated, or About To Masturbate

Let me preface this by saying, I was an art minor, ok? I took a single art history class, a handful of figure drawing classes, and shaded my share of nipples. So, yes, everything I am about to say is obviously very real, very researched (Wikipedia) and very realistic.

Here we go:

Grande Odalisque by Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres

 
Grande Odalisque-Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres.jpg
 

Apparently women in the 1800’s were constantly being asked to pose for paintings at what seems like extremely inopportune moments. It’s no surprise this work signifies Ingres’ shift toward exotic Romanticism. This scene has all the markings of a proper masturbating sesh: the nakedness, the feather duster, the ‘What the fuck do you want, Jean?’ look. It’s been said this figure was purposely, anatomically incorrect, having an excess of five vertebrae, one for each orgasm she was trying to achieve.

Portrait of Madame Récamier by Jacques-Louis David

 
Madame Recamier.jpg
 

Another example of an inopportune moment. Madame Récamier is obviously annoyed. Even the suspicious placement of her hand looks like it has other things in mind. Here she was about to have herself a nice afternoon of pleasure in her very nice house dress (sidenote: I love masturbating in a house dress) and Jacques-Louis comes strolling in with his oils. Come on, Jacques-Louis! Can’t you see she was just about to crank up the ole steam-powered Manipulator? Geez!

Birth of Venus by Sandro Botticelli

 
Birth of Venus- Boticelli.jpg
 

Venus has been my inspiration to keep my hair long enough so that if I’m ever naked and don’t want to be, I’ll be ok. Despite just being born, Venus is somehow a full-grown woman with the child-bearing hips to prove it. Her smile, hand on chest, and sick-ass ponytail covering her crotch is what I strive for in the perfect nude selfie. Once she catches a glimpse of herself reflected in the water below her, she’ll be requesting a little privacy in her giant scallop shell.

Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci

 
 

Ah, the age ole question: What is behind the eyes and smile of Miss Mona Lisa? But helllloooo. It’s so obvious. Girl just jacked it! And my guess is She. Came. A. Lot. Look at those tired, half-closed eyes, the smirk smacked across her face. I walked around looking like Mona Lisa for at least a week upon discovering the Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator. Something's telling me it's about to be nap time for Mona.

Whistler’s Mother by James McNeill Whistler

 
Whistler_s+Mother.jpg
 

Why, Whistler’s Mother, aren’t your hands cleverly placed? I’ve never posed for an iconic American painting but I imagine it is not a quick process. And when your hands are in that special spot for a long time, keeping warm, keeping pressure, getting a little horny is inevitable. Unfortunately, being painted by your son probably brings on the opposite effect so I hope Whistler’s Mother (aka Anna), was treated to a pint at the corner pub at the end of her pose.

American Gothic by Grant Wood

 
American Gothic.jpg
 

This painting by Grant Wood is said to be a father and his grown-up daughter somewhere in Iowa. Look at her longing eyes, her tight-lipped grimace. Something tells me she doesn’t have the box full of porn or vibrators under her bed like the rest of her friends and, boy, does she need them. Girl, get off the farm and catch a bus to the big city (Des Moines?)! It’s time for you to move out and rub one out.  

Liberty Leading the People by Eugène Delacroix

 
Liberty Leading the People.jpg
 

Liberty has just led her people to freedom and is about to get her rocks off in the biggest way. She and her people have taken down King Charles X. Behind her a lot of horned up men follow, guns blazing. Sheesh, I’d take my shirt off too. Liberty looks like how I feel when I get off a plane. ‘I just came out of the sky and I need to get laid! Out of my way!’ This painting has said to have gone on and inspired Les Miserables and our beloved Statue of Liberty. Seems everyone was horny for this one.

Self-Portrait as the Allegory of Painting by Artemisia Gentileschi

 
artemesia.png
 

I’m pretty sure this painting makes me want to masturbate perhaps more than Gentileschi herself. You may ask why. There’s no nudity, no beheading of Holofernes. But what there is is a successful, female artist painting herself being a successful female artist during a time when being a woman was viewed as wildly negative. Gentileschi was showing the world what women were capable of without hiding behind a bowl of fruit, a landscape or yet another saint. As someone who has masturbated to her own selfies, I applaud Gentileschi.

Portrait of the Artist by Mary Cassatt

 
 

Mary Cassatt was known for painting the private lives of women, usually between mothers and children. But this portrait seems much less motherly and more more ‘I see something I likey.’ Ok so, Mary probably wouldn’t talk like that (and maybe I shouldn’t talk like that) but she’ll definitely be thinking about whomever she’s looking at when she gets home.  

Autoportrait (Tamara in a Green Bugatti) by Tamara de Lempicka

 
tamara.png
 

Tamara de Lempicka was commissioned to paint a cover for the German fashion magazine, Die Dame (The Lady) and even though she didn’t own a Bugatti, nor were women associated with cars at this time, she had no problem plopping herself in this sports car for the portrait. This woman gives no fucks. She is fast, she is free and she is hopefully fingering herself (safely) at a cool 60mph.

By Carolyn Busa: Comedian and Writer, @MISSTOILETSLAVE, Creator of  MY SEX PROJECT

sex and relationship

Why You Should Masturbate (Even When In a Relationship)

By Catherine Drysdale

There’s a common misconception that when you're in a relationship, you're supposed to be fully sexually satisfied by your partner. That's not the truth, and here’s why:


REASON #1: We all have a different libido

There are so many factors that contribute to our libido and the changes that can take place overtime. Things like stress, hormones, lack of sleep, frequency of exercise, diet, birth control, medications, pregnancy, having kids, mental illness, erectile dysfunction, trauma, and more can all contribute to these changes. If you’re someone who has many stressors and triggers going on in your life, then it might be challenging to pin-point exactly the root cause of the change. You also may be on the asexuality spectrum too, and that’s okay!

Now add in a partner – or more if you’re into that – and what you get is multiple people who have their own life and challenges to deal with, which includes how they tend to manage stress and desire sexual intimacy. Desire discrepancy AKA mis-matched libido is common in relationships, because we are individuals who have our own needs and our own sexual desires – which aren’t always in sync with our partner(s). In this case one – or both – partner(s) feel unsatisfied for 1. not desiring sex and feeling pressured by their partner to have sex more frequently or 2. not feeling sexually satisfied and feeling rejected by their partner for not wanting to have sex with them. 

Having a regular masturbation routine is crucial, especially if you’re the partner with the higher libido.

REASON #2: We all have different motivations for wanting sex 

Sometimes we want stress relief so it’s easier to rub one out. Sometimes we want to connect with ourselves in a self pleasure ritual. Sometimes we want increased intimacy with our partner(s). Sometimes we want to explore our kinks through porn and don’t feel comfortable sharing this part of ourselves with our partner. Sometimes we want to try out that new toy or lube before introducing it during playtime. Sometimes it’s something else completely. All of these motivations are okay and totally normal.

REASON #3: Your partner is not responsible for your pleasure, you are

Pop culture and the media has taught us that sex is supposed to be a magical experience where everyone reaches orgasm at the same time, however this romanticized view is far from the truth. 

Now add in the complexities from mainstream porn on how we’re shown that we’re supposed to behave and experience pleasure during sex. You’ll find that a lot of what you see is not easy to recreate, and not pleasurable.

Having a regular self pleasure practice can enhance relationships and the sex you have with your partner(s) because it gives you a chance to explore your own needs, desires, and fantasies so that when you do have partnered sex it leads to better communication and an increase in satisfaction. 

REASON #4: Self care is important 

Having a regular self pleasure ritual that includes masturbation is a great way to build self trust with yourself. As humans we crave routine and consistency. When you give yourself frequent pleasure, this allows you to give yourself that oxytocin and dopamine hits that help you continue to feel good. This also can lead into developing a stronger body image because you’re physically showing your body what feels good.

REASON #5: Sex doesn’t have to mean penetration

Sex education failed us. What we’re taught – if we’re lucky – is that sex is broadly defined as penis in vagina penetration. This is an incredibly hetero-centric viewpoint and leaves a lot of communities and sexual orientations out of the picture. 

The truth is that you get to define what sex means to you. Sex can be oral if you want it to be. Sex can be pegging. Sex can be tantric breath practices. Sex can be penetration. Sex can be mutual masturbation. Sex can be anything you want it to be. 

REASON #6: Mutual masturbation builds intimacy

Want to know what’s really hot? Watching your partner pleasure themselves, especially if it’s at a distance and you’re touching yourself too. 

If you think about it, masturbation is one of the most intimate acts that we have because it’s something that’s unique to ourselves. When we share this act with our partner(s) we’re able to show them exactly how we like to touch ourselves, what gets us to climax, what external stimulation and tools we like to use, what porn we like, what fantasies we explore, and more.

REASON #7: Because you want to

Simple as that. 

ABOUT CATHERINE: 

Catherine Drysdale is a pleasure activator, sex + relationship coach, and host for the Your Pleasure Path Podcast. Her unique framework focuses on the importance of self pleasure within a self discovery lens, which allowed her to go viral on TikTok. 

Her expertise within the fields of psychology, spirituality, and sexuality allow her clients to go deeper into their exploration of pleasure to enhance intimacy, communication, and sex in their relationships. 

CONNECT WITH HER:

Use code EMOJIBATOR for 15% off on coaching offers and programs: yourpleasurepath.com

Follow her on TikTok for daily tips + advice: @iamcatherinedrysdale

Listen to the podcast: yourpleasurepath.com/podcast

Use code YOURPLEASUREPATH to try out the ethical porn site + sexual wellness platform xoafterglow.com for 7 days 

No One Wants To Be Basic: The Importance of Vaginal pH and Natural Ways To Achieve Balance

Got a funky puss? It is probably due to a pH imbalance.

“What’s pH you say?"

PH is a measurement of the acidity or alkalinity of a substance or environment, the vaginal environment in this case. Less than 7 is acidic, higher than 7 is basic.

A healthy pussy has a pH between 3.8-4.5, which is slightly acidic. For post-menopausal people, their pH is at about a 5.

The natural acidity of the vagina allows it to fight off bacterial infections and prevent the growth of yeast. However, this same pH that allows you to maintain healthy vaginal flora can also damage and even kill sperm.

Understanding vaginal pH is vital to sexual wellness and pleasure. Despite its importance to sexual health, there is not much information given to those with vaginas about how to obtain and maintain healthy flora. Knowing the pH of your vagina is an easy and effective way to monitor health.

How to measure pH

So, now that we know the value of our vaginal pH…how do we measure it?

Most of the time you will be able to tell if your pH is off. Symptoms of an imbalanced pH level can be quite obvious. Too high or low can result in:

  • Itching or burning

  • Foul or fishy smells

  • Grey or green cervical fluid

  • Unusual changes to the consistency of cervical fluid

  • And an overall crappy feeling

However, to be certain your pussy is always on pHleek, there are test kits you can buy to measure your own vaginal pH. It is simple! Just insert the litmus strip into your vagina, wait a few seconds, and match the color to the chart.

What disrupts the balance of pH?

    • Unprotected sex. Semen is very basic, too much exposure can increase the pH of the vagina.

    • Poor diet. Sugars, alcohol, and processed foods can make your body acidic.

  1. Panty problems. Let your pussy breath! Sleep naked and switch to 100% cotton underwear.

  • Excessive douching. The vagina regulates itself through the production of cervical fluid. Balancing the bacteria and excreting anything harmful. Too much douching harms the delicate flora and disrupts the natural process of cleansing secretions.

    • Antibiotics. Antibiotics not only kicks the infection you are fighting off, but it also kills the good bacteria as well.

    • Low estrogen. Estrogen levels change as we age, lower estrogen increases pH and thins and irritates the vaginal tissues.

  1. Spermicide. Nonoxynol-9 is used in lubricants to slow and kill semen. Nonoxynol-9 has been proven to damage the vaginal flora and tissues and can affect the production of lactobacillus, the healthy bacteria, in the vagina. So invest in a safe, sensitive, sperm-loving lube.

The natural ebb and flow

PH levels fluctuate throughout the cycle and the lifetime of an individual. This fluctuation is an important process in the fertility of the womb.

Throughout the menstrual cycle, there are two major increases in pH levels. The first rise is during menstruation, as blood has a neutral pH of 7. The second spike is during ovulation (the fertile phase of your cycle). During ovulation the cervical fluid becomes more alkaline, increasing to a pH of 7, the same as semen. This alkalinity allows the semen to survive in the cervical fluid for 2-7 days.

Other hormonal events in life that naturally increase vaginal pH levels include pregnancy, postpartum, and menopause.

Dangers of an unbalanced pH

BASIC

Nobody wants a basic pussy...it decreases vaginal flora and creates an environment where unhealthy bacteria can thrive. Having an elevated pH level puts you at an increased risk of infections such as:

  • Bacterial Vaginosis. (if left untreated can cause preterm labor)

  • Trichomoniasis.

  • UTI.

  • Yeast infections.

  • Studies show a high pH increases the risk of contracting STIs like chlamydia and HIV

ACIDIC

An acidic pH, or a sour puss as I like to call it, does not cause many infections or disease. However, it does create discomfort during sex and urination, as well as fertility problems. Having a low pH creates a hostile environment for semen to survive.


How to fix your fanny

Natural Home Remedies for a Basic Vagina

When it comes to a basic pussy it is important to reintroduce good bacteria and lower the pH to fight infections.

Insertables: Douches & Suppositories

  • YOGURT PUSSY POPS. Organic, unsweetened yogurt has lactobacillus cultures in it. This is the good, vagina-loving bacteria. To make pussy pops put plain organic yogurt into an ice tray or mold, freeze and insert before bed. Pro tip: wear a pad on to prevent a mess. Alternatively, you can dip a tampon in yogurt and insert it for a couple of hours. Repeat 1-2x per day until symptoms have disappeared.

  • APPLE CIDER VINEGAR. Incorporate apple cider vinegar into your daily routine. Drink one tablespoon of ACV straight up or with some water daily to maintain a healthy pH level. For internal treatment take a sitz bath using one cup of apple cider vinegar diluted in your bath water. You can also use a solution of 2 tablespoons of ACV in 1 cup of water and douche with this solution. Pro tip: add 1-2 teaspoons of raw honey. Honey is antimicrobial and heals the tissues. Only douche with this solution if you have a basic pH and need to rebalance, other than that douche as little as possible.

  • COCONUT OIL SUPPOSITORIES. Coconut oil does wonders for the pussy. It’s antibacterial, antifungal, and helps to soften and repair tissues. To balance pH you can use coconut oil by itself or with essential oils. For easy insertion freeze the oil into molds. If you want to incorporate essential oils take 4 tablespoons of melted coconut oil and add 2-3 drops of tea tree oil and/or lavender oil (this is a safe amount of essential oils to begin. Rule of thumb: about 5 drops per ¼ cup). You can also use thyme or eucalyptus oils as well. Break up coconut oil squares into suppository-sized pieces and insert 1-2x per day.

Ingestibles: Herbs, supplements, and teas

  • PROBIOTICS. It is important to incorporate the good bacteria back into your body (especially if you were on antibiotics).  

  • THE GREEN STUFF. Chlorella, spirulina, or wheatgrass. These green superfoods are incredibly high alkaline. They are powerful fighters of free radicals and will kick your pH back into balance. You can ingest these as powders or pills.

  • INCREASE CONSUMPTION OF ALKALINE HERBS. A great way to make sure your vagina is in constant balance is to increase your intake of high alkaline herbs and spices.

    • Tumeric & Cayenne pepper: these two herbs are potent anti-inflammatory herbs and are very high alkaline and anti-cancer.

    • Garlic: Garlic has powerful anti-microbial effects. Incorporate this into your diet to alkalize your body. You can also use garlic internally. Insert a clove inside the vagina before bed and remove in the morning. Pro tip: sew a thread through the clove for easy removal. One treatment should be sufficient, however, you can use it again the next night if needed.

    • Dandelion: Eat the greens or drink the tea. This is an incredible herb for alkalizing your body and for optimal reproductive health.

  • PHYTO-ESTROGENS FOR HORMONAL BALANCE. If your imbalance is due to hormonal changes or low estrogen you can combat these effects by using herbs that are high in phytoestrogens. These herbs include:

    • Red clover

    • Fenugreek

    • Hops

    • Soy products

    • Royal Jelly

    • Wild yam

    • Nuts and seeds like: sesame, flax, almonds, and walnuts.


Natural Home Remedies fo an Acidic vagina.

  • BALANCE YOUR DIET & BALANCE YOUR PH. Ingesting high acid foods causes a decrease of pH in your body. Cut out or drastically decrease the ingestion of sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and processed foods.

  • BAKING SODA. You can make a solution of 1 tablespoon to 2 cups of warm water and use this as a douche a few times a week, or until you’ve achieved balance.

  • WATER! WATER! WATER! Hydrate yourself.


Healthy Pussy = Happy Pussy

Now we know how to attain a pussy poppin’ pH level, I will leave you with some amazing products that will be sure to keep your sexual health and pleasure in balance.

Vaginal pH test strips

Wipes and cleansers from The Honey Pot Company

Organic lube by Sliquid

Tea Tree Therapy Suppositories for vaginal hygiene

Garden of Life's probiotic vaginal care

And pretty much any product by Good Clean Love

Keep your pH low and your standards high!

*This article is merely informative and not meant to be medical advice. Always remember to always consult your physician before trying anything on this list.

Valarie Merced is a sexuality and relationship coach focusing on deepening intimacy and connection with self and others. She is the founder and editor-in-chief of Precipice Magazine, a print-only psychological exploration of sex, desire, and love through an academic and artistic lens. Follow Precipice to keep informed about the release of issue one.

Hands On Unlearning—How Self-Pleasure Helps Shift Beliefs & Attitudes

While I remember being taught sex ed -- by my reluctant mother at age 8, in an embarrassing sixth-grade slideshow, and a final time in my high school health class -- I don’t recall masturbation being included in that education.

Masturbation was something I taught myself. Although I’ve heard it’s normal for young children and even babies to play with their genitals, it wasn’t until I reached an early pubescence that I began exploring those areas for myself. My budding hips seemed possessed as they humped nonconsenting pieces of furniture, while implements like combs and toothbrushes became my first dildos.

Because no one ever explained masturbation to me, it inherently felt wrong. I would patiently wait until everyone in the house was asleep before I allowed my curious hands to cautiously venture under the covers.

It was thanks to masturbation that I had my first orgasm just before my eighteenth birthday. I still remember it clearly: I was home alone after school watching the soap opera Passions, lying in front of the TV with a blanket draped over me. I was motivated mostly by boredom and still wasn’t sure what an orgasm felt like, half convinced I’d already had one. I don’t know how much time passed, only that at a certain point I felt my focus shift away from the TV, surrendering completely to the pleasure that was expanding in my lower abdomen.

My movements became hurried and frantic as I instinctively conducted my desire to a dramatic crescendo. The next thing I knew my entire body was contracting into itself as waves of ecstasy rolled through me. Immediately I understood what all of my friends meant when they said, “When it happens, you’ll know.”

Obsessed with this new talent, I locked myself in the bathroom for a solid thirty minutes, my fist in my mouth as I let orgasm after orgasm wash over me. From that point on, I would masturbate several times before bed every night, allowing that peak of energy to lull me to sleep.

It wasn’t until my boyfriend complained about his difficulty helping me reach an orgasm that I realized this habit could be a hindrance. It was a problem I only had with him, but he was my first boyfriend, my first love, and my first sex partner, so I figured I must be doing something wrong.

“Maybe don’t do it as often?” he suggested, suddenly an expert on women’s sexuality.

And with that, a belief began to take hold that I should not overindulge this behavior, that doing so would have negative ramifications on my sex life. I began limiting my masturbation to once a week or less and would often feel shame after reaching orgasm. It wasn’t until recently that I began to recognize just how deeply this belief had imprinted itself into my unconscious.

A few weeks ago I was lying on the couch when I felt a familiar stirring and impulse to self-pleasure. But I also suspected that I might be sleeping with someone later that night and began to reason with myself that I should wait so that I could have a more satisfying experience later on.

Denying myself orgasm in anticipation of sex wasn’t a new concept, yet for some reason, the thought struck me differently this time. Who had enforced this ceiling on my pleasure? Isn’t pleasure limitless, only becoming more attainable the more often we access it?

I traced this belief back to my high school boyfriend, who I now know was just as inexperienced as me and whose opinion should not be treated as factual. I consider myself a pretty open-minded, sexually liberated woman, so the fact that I had been harboring this untruth was startling, to say the least. Why was I letting an experience from almost 15 years ago define my relationship to self-pleasure?

So to combat that idea, I masturbated, affirming to myself that my potential for pleasure is endless. Ever since this realization I’ve been masturbating more often as a way of intentionally disproving my ex-boyfriend’s theory.

This epiphany led me to an understanding of how masturbation has been helping me unlearn toxic beliefs for years without my knowing.

Several years ago, when the loss of 60 lbs left my body feeling unfamiliar and scarred over with stretch marks, it was masturbation that helped me understand and appreciate this newly remodeled home.

The introduction of Chakrubs, a natural crystal wand with gentle healing properties, into my self-pleasure routine helped me release the shameful belief that masturbation is sinful and embrace it as a self-care practice. My nurturing and compassionate qualities feel magnified when I use my Chakrub and it becomes easy to discern that the negative associations I’ve held around masturbation are not innately mine.

My Chakrub practice has also helped me recognize that orgasm does not have to be my singular goal and that I can find just as much delight in exploring my body without purpose. Unlike many sex toys that can be switched on or off, my Chakrub requires presence. As it warms with my body temperature, it affirms that we are creating a unique experience together. It encourages me to be more mindful about practicing self-consent and really tune into what I am craving on a physical level. Sometimes that might include penetration with my Chakrub, but I’ve found that rolling it against my skin for a sensual external massage can be just as satisfying depending on my mood.

Masturbation is not just a tool for releasing stress and finding bliss in our bodies but can be utilized for unlearning outdated beliefs that have taken hold in our psyches. Through self-pleasure, we can begin to identify the harmful illusions we have been indoctrinated in and consciously work to unravel them, one orgasm at a time.

Danielle Dorsey is a full-time writer and part-time tarot reader who resides in Southern California. She is the Editorial Director for Chakrubs, the Original Crystal Sex Toy Company.

Chakrubs are pleasure tools handcrafted from 100% natural crystal. These beautiful wands are created with the intention of opening oneself up to the healing properties crystals provide. Combining sensual pleasure with energetic awareness, Chakrubs are more than your favorite sex toys: they are devoted partners in every act of self-love.

group masturbation

Sundays Are for Group Masturbation... on Zoom

By Ryn Pfeuffer

I masturbate with a group of women every Sunday on Zoom. Here's what it's taught me about my pleasure and orgasm.

Since the start of COVID-19, I've masturbated virtually most Sundays with a few dozen women from around the world. The common thread? Our Bodysex work with Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross. Ultimately, Bodysex workshops are all about connecting women’s minds and bodies to their orgasms. This is done by helping women find the power of their pussies through a series of activities like Group Share, Genital Show and Tell, Erotic Recess, and Guided Masturbation.  

Dodson was the OG pioneer of human sexuality and a true feminist liberator. Ross, Betty's co-conspirator, is president of the Betty Dodson Foundation and the badass who had an on-camera orgasm on Netflix’s The Goop Lab. During her famous group-sex parties of the '70s, Dodson pushed the boundaries for women seizing power in the sack – and she never stopped. Unfortunately, the artist, author, and high priestess of self-pleasure left the planet in 2020 at 91. Still, she left behind an army of women to carry on her mantra: "liberating women one orgasm at a time." 

Pre-pandemic, the Bodysex babes gathered at Menla, a Buddhist retreat center in upstate New York, for a week of pleasure-fueled workshops. In between the bacchanal, we stay connected via a private Facebook group. After Dodson and Ross’ appearance on The Goop Lab, they booked a full spring schedule of Bodysex workshops – more than 2000 women packed the waiting list. Unfortunately, the episode aired the same week the CDC confirmed the first case of COVID-19 in the United States, which put workshops in NYC, as well as for facilitators around the globe, on pause.

Ross suggested a Zoom meeting to check in with one other. Twenty-two women participated, representing nine countries and eight US states. What came out of our discussion was the desire to have an abbreviated virtual Bodysex circle for our group. Cue the launch of virtual Erotic Recess, aka my weekly group masturbation session on Zoom.

Every Sunday around noon, I set up my space and create a mood. I put a blanket on my sofa and curate the sex toys I most want to fuck. Usually, it's a stainless steel barbell and a wand vibrator. I put out lube and tissues and light a candle. I angle my laptop camera depending on my mood. Sometimes, it's a close-up cunt shot; other times, a long side view of me lying on the sofa. Participants can show as much – or as little – as they wish. And if they're more comfortable using audio-only, that's OK too. Sometimes I get sexed up and wear lingerie for the occasion; other times, I show up simply wearing a robe. 

Everyone dials into the call, and we spend some time catching up. Sex toys are a hot topic. The group is eager to dive deep into the pros, cons, and latest faves. We plan how we will conquer the world, one orgasm at a time. And when we're done, we set an intention, a place to send our collective orgasmic energy for the week. This tangle of beautifully vulnerable women is the sisters, mothers, and mentors I always wish I had had.

Ross directs, “Shoulders back, tits out,” and we do some basic  breathing exercises. We hold our breath for as long as it feels comfortable and let out a long exhale. Next, we connect with our chakras, with or without a vibrator from root to crown. Now, calm and relaxed, we get down to the business of self-pleasure for a good 30-45 minutes. At this point, the call is unstructured, and it is every vulva for itself. We moan, writhe, and come, virtually, in our respective spaces. It's beautiful to watch such a broad spectrum of pleasure. And I can close my eyes and know exactly who's coming at any given moment based on their sounds and breathing. It's the ultimate privilege to be able to watch friends experience pleasure in real-time. We cheer on one another's orgasms; pause and focus on whoever is coming: "Oh wait, there it is," says Ross. "Her feet are coming off the bed." And when you think it’s over and you couldn’t possibly come again, someone always chimes in, usually Ross, “I think I’ll go back for one more.”

This one hour of the week is better than therapy, and I pinky-swear promise, it's hotter than most porn. Need proof? Listen here. Pleasure connects us to our breath and our bodies. Oxytocin, a hormone the brain makes during orgasm, relieves stress and boosts immunity. The sisterhood of this group helps my mind stay afloat, and the practice of Bodysex grounds my whole being. As Betty said, “Women are bottomless pits of sexual pleasure,” and it’s never been more apparent than during these Sunday sessions of self-love.

Follow Ryn on Twitter and Instagram

How To

How-to: Suction Toys 101

By Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT

Did you know that the clitoris is the only body part that's ONLY purpose is pleasure? Did you know that the clitoris is shaped like a wishbone, and most of it is internal, running along the sides of the vulva? There is a lot about the clitoris that we're not taught in school – and yet, sex toy and sexual wellness companies seem to understand the importance of stimulating this unique and special part of some folk's bodies. 

With stimulation, blood starts to rush to the clitoris (similar to a penis), enlarging it. Then, with enough continued stimulation, a clitoris-owner is often brought to orgasm. Clitoral suction or air-pulse toys help folks have continued stimulation to ultimately reach orgasm without doing "the work" themselves. And with clitoral orgasm being the easiest for folks to achieve, this makes using a toy/aid to assist a no-brainer. 

Clitoral suction and air pressure toys are more often compared to the sensations of oral sex vs. fingers, which is due to how they surround the clitoris. It envelops more than just the tip of the clitoris, making it a more full-body sensation vs. an intense pin-pointed experience. 

For example, let's take the Chickie Emojibator, a suction toy with multiple vibration patterns and suction modes (8 of each, to be exact). It is waterproof, made of silicone, and USB-chargeable. That's four important boxes checked right there — plus, it's so adorable. I mean, look at this. It looks like a tiny chick that provides waves and waves of pleasure when you pop its head off. 

Here are some tips for using a clitoral suction or air toy:

MINDSET

First things first—let's take the pressure of having an orgasm off the table and solely focus on *experimenting with pleasure points*. While orgasms are fabulous, they aren't always the goal. In fact, if orgasming is difficult, putting pressure on yourself to have one can only make it that much more challenging (it's very mental and physical!). So, no pressure allowed today, babes—only the prioritizing of pleasure and exploration. 

SEXY ATMOSPHERE

Even if you are alone (especially if you are alone?)—set. the. mood. baby! You deserve a cozy environment for a steamy masturbation sesh. And it also makes it so much easier to mentally get in the headspace to pleasure your body if your atmosphere matches the vibe you're going for. This can look like simply dimming the lights, lighting a candle or two (or ten), sitting/standing/laying in a position that is comfy/relaxing for your whole body, and take your time. Allow yourself the space to not rush and have some time—creating time for yourself is sexy!

LUBE

Lube is a MUST even during solo sex, and here's why—whether you are using your hands or toy, use the lube! Lube allows less friction, more effortless movement, and far more comfort. Plus, using a suction toy can help create more of that *oral sex* feeling because of the added moisture (which feels amazing!).

EXPERIMENTS WITH PRESSURE & MODES

Everyone's body functions differently, which is one of the reasons there are so many different settings on toys! Also, for many clitoris owners, our bodies experience different intensity levels at different times. If you are menstruating, your body might require more or less stimulation. So, test all the modes! Try all the things! See what your body responds best to and what it enjoys at different stages and times. And remember, orgasming isn't the goal—pleasure is! You might enjoy one setting people to get you in the mood and another to "finish!" YOU get to decide and explore!

TRY DIFF BODY PARTS/DISCOVER EROGENOUS ZONES

Who said suction vibrators were just for the clitoris? Not us! Suction vibrations can be great for nipples and exploring other possible pleasure points all over the body. The beauty of exploring is, and I mean this, you can't mess up. It's ALL meant to be fun. Yes, really! Exploring feels silly because many of us stop exploring once we become adults. Let the exploring be fun, imaginative, creative, and invigorating. You deserve it!

TRY TO USE IT WITH A PARTNER

Now all these tips and tricks I've been giving you, you can also try all of them with a partner! Bringing toys into partner play that you already like using or are currently exploring is SO. MUCH. FUN. Because not only do you get to show someone how this toy pleasures you, but you can also try out ways that this toy could pleasure your partner (and vice versa). Remember how we talked about the importance of play and exploration? The same thing applies to other humans in the room. Just have fun!


CLEAN WELL

After all the excitement and pleasure have been wrapped up, make sure to give your toy a good clean (with warm unscented soapy water or toy cleaner). Not only does this help your toy stay in tip-top shape, but it also helps kill bacteria (which helps keep away yeast infections and other infections). Plus, that means the next time you go to use it, it's ready for you!

The moral of this suction toy story—have FUN, use lots of lube, let go of your expectations, and sink into exploring YOU and your pleasure. You deserve it, and your pleasure deserves it too. 

Follow Rachel on Twitter, Instagram and Tiktok

Masturbation Horoscope: Methods to Try Based On Your Sign

By Paige Montes

Hello, vagina-owners of the Universe! Are you in a masturbation rut or in search of a new technique? Turn to the stars. Or more accurately, me—your horny, humble author who follows one too many astrology meme accounts. In good fun, I present to you steamy suggestions for your auto-eroticism efforts. Try out your big three, AKA your sun, moon and rising signs, and report back. Or don’t! This is as personal as it gets.

Aries

If screaming into a pillow won’t calm you down, how about humping one? Getting fast and (progressively less) furious with this bedroom essential proves fairly simple. In fact, plenty of people first masturbated this way. Mount your pillow like a cowboy. Ride like mad to stimulate your clitoris. Experiment with both soft and firm pillows to find what your body likes best.


Taurus

It’s time to luxuriate in yourself, Taureans. Indulge in a solo spa day complete with candles, bubbles, R&B and, of course, some faucet fun. Try lying on your back with your cooch under the faucet. Let the warm water run over your vulva and clitoris (not inside your vagina!). A detachable shower head does the trick, too. Think of it as a spa day—except the happy ending is in your hands.


Gemini

Geminis get a bad rap. But you’re curious and open-minded! Open-minded enough to believe double penetration can, indeed, equal double the fun. Yes, we’re talking vaginal AND anal play. Get yourself a vibrating dildo that can do both. Of course, you can fool around with countless combinations of toys, too. Clit sucker plus a vibrating plug. A wand accompanied by anal beads. Go for it!


Cancer

Break from your heightened emotions and instead focus on heightened pleasure with solo sensation play. It’s all about harnessing the sensuality of your five senses. A wide array of techniques exists, from simply closing your eyes and grazing your nipples with your fingertips to dripping wax on your thighs while you inhale your favorite aroma. Who says hypersensitivity can’t be erotic?

Leo

Two words: mirror masturbation. Egotistical? Perhaps. Shameful? Never. It’s a radical act of self-love that, once you let yourself go, can boost your sexual confidence. Gaze into your own eyes. Admire your curves. Please yourself as you wish to be pleased. Or, here’s a two-for-one idea: watch yourself in the camera while you record a sexy video for a lover. It will make it even hotter. 

Virgo

Virgo? A wet blanket? Only because they’re hiding a wet pussy under those sheets! Imagine the most organized toy collection you’ve had the pleasure of experiencing—and you can bet every curio is meticulously cleaned. Now, let’s. Switch. It. Up. Grab a toy (or a few faves) and let yourself get dirty, for once in your life dammit. Challenge yourself to climax in a place or position you normally wouldn’t! 

Libra

Don’t just spread your wings, social butterflies. Spread those legs with a lover. Mutual masturbation is as underrated as it can be intimate. Touching yourself in front of another person requires vulnerability that can strengthen your emotional bond. You might even try exploring each other’s genitals. It’s also a sexy way to show your partner or partners your likes and desires. Goooo team! 

Scorpio

Scorpio rules genitals, making y’all the kink masters of the zodiac. So, if anyone can handle a literal sex machine it’s a Scorpio. Dildo drills. The porn-famous Sybian. Auto thrust settings. The bells, whistles and silicone don’t intimidate you. And even if they do, you won’t knock it till you try it. If you’re not ready to invest in a costly machine, test out some of the many wand attachments out there.


Sagittarius

The free-spirited Sagittarius often experiences wanderlust. And lust lust. Sure, you can throw a vibrator in your carry on, but you know what you can take wherever, worry-free? Your fingers. Speaking of exploring, see if you can discover a new erogenous zone—your inner wrist or collarbone for instance. A good ol’ fashioned acoustic session is the one thing you should never get tired of. 

Capricorn

Work hard, play hard? What’s that? For Capricorns too busy to pencil in a wank, slip on your snuggest jeans, align the seam with your sweet spots, cross your legs and rock your way to paradise as you plug away. Discreetly at your desk. Subtly on the subway. An O on the go is multitasking at its finest. Or, if you’re a gym goer, hop on a stationary bike and…you know the rest. No promises you won’t get distracted.

Aquarius 

As an independent Aquarian, you enjoy your own company. But with the right erotic materials, you can really enjoy it. Find smutty fiction free online or pick up a burning hot romance at your local bookshop. Once you find a story that stimulates you, take it to the next level by dressing the part.  Bedroom role playing can certainly be a one-person affair. Then, get swept up like the dreamer you are and masturbate the day away.

Pisces 

You ethereal Pisces, you. Your woo-woo hoo hoo practically aches for a crystal dildo. Shops for these masturbatory gems might throw around words like chakras, healing energy and electro-magnetic fields, but the most important property to look for is body safe material. Opt for typically nonporous crystals like quartz, rose quartz, and amethyst. For an orgasm that’s out of this world, add arousal oils to the mix. 

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Why Yoga is Erotic and Essential to My Self Pleasure

By Major Davis

My mat sounds like a whip as it unrolls, I thrust it forward onto the floor. 

I always approach the beginning of class humbly, checking in with my body. What does it need? Who do I feel like today? Am I aligned in one piece, scatterbrained? Sensual and feeling myself?

Sometimes I feel the impulse of tears behind my eyes when I first find a home on the mat. I’m wondering why I didn’t take the time to care for myself before the current moment. Wondering why I had prioritized everything but my own bodily pleasure. 

Some days I feel like doing nothing but laying on the mat cradling myself, cherishing a moment to be stubborn and resistant like an obnoxious child. But it doesn’t matter, because this is my time. 

Easing into movement feels like switching on a toy, testing the waters, asking myself does this feel good? 

I often experience some hiccups, or even full stops. But there is always a sense of flow, because it is all based on a single experience, movement that is inherently mine. Taking ownership of my movement and my body has allowed me to feel more connected in my masturbation practice. 

There is a stigma against touching ourselves in public or even in private sometimes. I often question why I avoid grazing my own body in a group setting. It all comes down to intention. At home, practicing feels less inhibited in that way. I don’t care what grazes what.

Aside from stigma, as a non-binary person, I am no-stranger to dissociation and dysmorphia. Seeing myself from the outside in, losing focus, not feeling my own touch is just a part of my life. Toying and exploring, and navigating through the dissociation is like reintroducing yourself, to yourself. It can be frustrating sometimes, but deeply renewing. Sometimes I’m so gone, and disconnected that I just have to sit with myself and say “maybe not right now, but maybe later” when it comes to touching myself through movement practice. 

I have a ritual of slowly peeling off my clothes throughout my session. I move from feeling stuck inside my shell, to blooming open unfurling my many layers. Becoming okay with whatever is underneath that day is a raw, gutting feeling that challenges me to tap in. 

Class can be climactic whether I am with myself or a full class. When I reach peak pose I am glowing. Filled with self awareness, even if I have become aware of a new pain, a new attention to an area of sensation, I am full, of myself. 

Sometimes a movement session is quite the opposite. I find myself rolling on the floor, trying to get my brain to shut up for a full hour. Sometimes that emptiness is stimulating in itself. 

Stimulation or the lack there of, can be erotic in any sense. 

I describe to my partner one day, sometimes the first moment when I am alone after a period of being in other’s company, a tingling sensation washes over me. My tummy flutters, and I feel the “eeeeee” sound in the back of my throat. I am enthralled by the opportunity for nothingness. Almost engorged by the concept of aloneness. Vast opportunities to explore whatever comes to me. 

Sometimes I feel this same sensation when I arrange time to indulge in yoga, a truly essential practice for my self-pleasure. 

Other times I feel so angry at myself. Angry that I haven’t made time for myself, and now my body experiences the consequences. Chronic pain, pops and cracks, and aching muscles. I am being hard on myself. 

It’s this vulnerability that connects me to myself. Through touch, and movement, and letting go, I am able to re-connect, as if my mat can absorb some of my daily stress, my fatigue, and I bounce back like a rubber ball. Ready to launch.

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Behind the Scenes: What Young People Want To Know About Masturbation

By Elise Schuster, MPH, Co-Founder and Executive Director of OkaySo - a free app anonymously connecting folks with questions about sex to experts for personalized support.

I have been a sexuality educator for 20 years which has given me the pleasure (see what I did there?) of hearing literally thousands of questions that people have about bodies, pleasure, partners, and more. I currently run an app called OkaySo - young people create free accounts and can ask our experts questions about sexuality, identity, relationships, stress, and more. This means, of course, that we get a lot of questions about masturbation.

As most of us probably know, the vast majority of folks have no way to learn about masturbation from a source they can trust. Schools aren’t talking about it, porn is not educational, and many people feel too embarrassed to talk to friends. That leaves… Google? Ugh. No thank you.

That’s why we exist at OkaySo. We get the real questions, from real people. So, we’re here to give you a behind-the-scenes look into what those questions are and what we’re thinking about as experts when we’re answering them.


Is it ok for me to masturbate?

It may come as no surprise to you that this is probably the most common question we get about masturbation. There’s so much shame and stigma in our culture about masturbation, not to mention a school curriculum that actually lies to young people about the effects of masturbation, that it’s no wonder people aren’t sure. Some young people are taught, in school, that masturbating will affect dopamine levels causing depression (not true), affect muscle growth (nope!), height (also nope), or affect their ability to experience pleasure with a partner (spoiler alert: it’s the opposite). 

So, there’s a lot of baggage to undo here. Often just saying “yup, it’s ok!” isn’t enough. People need to unpack the messages they learned about masturbation before they can let go of the shame they are carrying around. It can take some time and some personal introspection.


Is it ok for me to masturbate if I’m in a relationship?

Like so many questions about masturbation, this one runs right up against whatever we’ve been taught as we were growing up. Often in our very heteronormative, monogamous-focused society, people are told that their partner should be everything to them - able to satisfy them completely in every way. And while that may be the case for some people, it is certainly not true for most folks.

Often when someone asks this question, it’s because there’s some kind of mismatch in the relationship between how each person understands masturbation. Usually one person thinks it’s totally fine to masturbate in a relationship and the other person feels like it’s basically cheating. 

When it comes to relationships, intimacy, and sexual activity, we often show up with a lot of ideas about what’s “normal” that might be completely different from our partner’s - all because of how we were raised. Part of growing sexually is taking the time to examine and question those ideas.


How do I masturbate? How does female masturbation work?

When do we ever (ever!!!) see anything that talks about, shows, or explains masturbation in any way? The answer is we don’t. So it’s no wonder people are confused. Where to touch, how to touch, what to use, how it should feel, when to stop… these are all really common elements of this question. 

We are not raised to see sex as something we are allowed to be curious about, or that can be an adventure. We are raised to see it as a destination. We assume there’s a map with step-by-step directions when really all there is, is a compass, pointing us in a general direction but letting us find the way.

So.. the idea that masturbation is really just about trying things and seeing what feels good is a veeeery foreign concept to most folks. Frequently people want me to just tell them what to do. Or explain “the best way”. But that doesn’t exist! It’s the journey, not the destination.


Why can I orgasm from masturbation but not sex?

If your brain read this question and immediately assumed that folks with a specific type of body part were asking, think again! Yes, many people with a clitoris aren’t aware that it’s highly likely that they’ll need direct clitoral stimulation during penetration to orgasm. So that’s a very common reason we get this question. But… that’s not the whole story.

It’s also about how and when we get in our heads and what works about masturbating that is harder with a partner. When we’re by ourselves, we don’t have to worry about what someone else is thinking, how our body looks, if we’re taking too long, if they’re enjoying it… the list goes on. We can just be. And we can find a type of stimulation that really works for us.

When we’re with a partner, ALL of that can shift, making it much harder to tune in to pleasure and stay out of our thoughts.

That’s just a small glimpse into some of the most popular questions we get about masturbation on OkaySo and questions that, as a sexuality educator, I’ve been answering for decades. All of these questions speak to some fundamental truths that we don’t often learn about sex: that all of us are normal, that what we’ve been told is probably wrong, and that we get to carve our own path, whatever that may be.

If by answering these questions, I can help even one person feel less shame, fear, or stigma around masturbation, I’ve done my job.


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Ethical Porn: Your New Masturbation Foreplay Unlock

By Lilly Sparks | Founder & CEO | afterglow | @xoaftergloww

Picture this: you're feeling hot and eager. You grab your trusty toy, pull out some lube from your nightstand, and give your knuckles a nice crack... It's comfortable, fun, safe, but….boring. It’s the same old, same old. It’s become a routine and it’s for something new. Well, I’ve got a secret to get you out of your masturbation rut-- ethical porn!

Porn is correlated with more orgasms and can be a terrific way to explore fantasies, learn about what turns us on, and helps us to prioritize our pleasure. It can even make us better partners depending on how we consume it. On top of this, when it comes to your masturbation routine, ethical porn has the power to drastically change things for the better. This is because porn has the potential to help people tap into their bodies and explore sexual pleasure in a way that is fun, empowering, and safe. 

If we talk about the negatives around porn for a hot second, it's easy to understand how this source of mainstream entertainment is a touchy topic in our society. Not only does a lot of mainstream content often depict tropes that give us the ick and leave us unsatisfied, but we worry about what is going on behind the scenes and how much agency everyone involved has. Talk about an orgasm roadblock that is not only tough to break but uncomfortable when we do!  

Porn can be a fabulous tool for masturbation and knowing that it aligns with our values can be a great way to turn us on even more. Ethical Porn has no singular definition but creates the space for you to decide what kind of porn you’re comfortable with supporting. 

Ethical porn often aims to portray a diversity of bodies, real sex, and drop-dead sexy aesthetics. It's got body-positivity and legit female pleasure centered and written all over it. Ethical porn can also mean something different to every person, especially when we are trying to find the perfect porn to get cozy and feel pleasurable with. When evaluating the ethics of the porn you consume, here are some questions to consider: 

1) Are performers paid fairly and promptly? 

2) Do performers have bodily autonomy?

3) Is it made with consent? 

4) What physical and emotional safety practices are being taken? 

5) Does it show both fantasy and realistic pleasure? 

6) Does it represent our diverse world?

afterglow is an ethical porn site, made by women, focused on pleasure. We are here to help you reduce stress - whether that means learning how to get out of your head, or helping you find the perfect video to get off to. Our porn does not fetishize nor marginalize bodies and identities, but brings to the surface content for everyone and everybody to gaze at. A lot of on-set consent and negotiations take place between performers before cameras start rolling, but seeing, hearing, and experiencing these dialogues is what makes sex feel safe, consensual, and sexy. This might look like discussing boundaries and sex acts, or asking for lube and taking breaks to clean up. Ethical porn and afterglow is about taking the extra steps to make sure everyone on set feels safe and comfortable, but in many ways this is just the bare naked minimum.

Not sure where to begin? Take the What kind of porn do I like? quiz or read more with this Guide to Ethical Porn

If you’re already a professional in ethical porn consumption, don’t let us hold you back. Take us for a spin, we got it all right here. However, learning new things that you love to get off to is not only sexy for you but wonderful for your partners too. Learn how to give massages that melt or how to introduce new kinks when you are masturbating. 

If I am gonna leave you with a bang, then it's gonna be this: With masturbation month coming around, you should be too. If you are feeling so inclined, let’s make ethical porn an addition to your masturbation routine with a free 7-day trial using the code EMOJIBATOR. The deal is practically foreplay in itself. 


wellness, mindful masturbation, meditation

How Self Pleasure Heals: Erotic Liberation

By Lior Allay

TW: There are sensual references + some mild implied sexual references. Intended for adults ages 18+

Shame is the quickest way to die. 

It makes us feel isolated and lonely, wreaking havoc on our tenderly interconnected nervous system. We thrive on connection and creative expression. Self pleasure is all of those things! 

This body is a vessel of alchemical transformation. All our super powers live here but we have to get back IN to access them. The senses are our portals to in/em-bodied presence.

Nature is supremely resilient. Ecosexuality brings our attention to the fractal mirror of reality, how everything that exists in the macro exists in the micro - the body is a whole universe of universes all the way down. That means all those elegantly designed feedback loops, the regenerative cycles, the beautiful rhythm of growth and healing - all exists within us too.

When we show up and step into somatic practices we are tapping into the magical symbiotic systems of life. This is kundalini activation, inner light - all the words we use to describe personal power. 

Everything becomes possible when we trust and let go, allowing ourselves to fall in love with the spell of the sensuous world. 

Self pleasure is a loving, nourishing practice for body and soul precisely because it returns us to ourselves. 

At the end you’ll find a guided sensual exploration of the body through meditation and breath. In this practice we will let go and connect with the primal aspect of our erotic nature. 

As we make love to the body and express our sensorial delight we will:

be without judgment or expectation

be present, commit to the process, there’s no goal to seek

let senses guide (rather than the mind)

abandon performance, allow expression to authenticity unfold

opening to possibility, connection, and Love

release and allow the body to do what it does

experience cosmic connection to source/spirit

slow down, let hands linger, enhance longing

This isn’t just getting off or relaxing. The act of slowing down + receiving is a radical declaration of liberation for someone living in a capitalist death culture. Everything in society is shaped to position us against the body. 

You’re brave to be here.

Shoved into artificial cycles and environments, coping just to survive, our bodies accumulate dis-ease. We are malnourished in so many ways. In the practice of pleasure we release these toxic programs. We reclaim our erotic innocence, our creative power, and our cosmic birthright when we…

Surrender to the senses!

As you trust and let go of expectations you will discover the natural healing rhythms of the body. In movement meditation we receive the primal healing medicine of nature. It moves energy through us and to us. 

In this practice I will gently guide you to…

embody the generous, devotional lover of your dreams. 

We’ll practice receiving playful aliveness, intense enjoyment, exquisite sensation, and powerful stillness. The ecstasy of love is the essence of divinity, it is always abundant and within us, we just have to know how to tap in. 

Feeling fully alive and safe in your own body is foundational to satisfying intimacy. 

When we move from a place of generous desire (“I want you”) rather than desperation (“I need you”) we can be flexible + playful with our choices to co-create a connected experience. 

To love in this revolutionary, tender way is to express deep affection, care, + devotion. This can feel extremely vulnerable at first. In self pleasure we affirm our worthiness. Allow the emotions to rinse through you. There is space for grief and sorrow in the process of erotic awakening.

As we expand our capacity for pleasure and detailed sensation we’ll access more satisfying and fulfilling sexual experiences. Sexuality then shifts from a transactional goal-orientated habit to a creative expression of divine love through pleasure. 

There are innumerable mental and physical health benefits to these pleasure practices, (if you need more motivation than collective liberation and healing.) 

The medicine of breath is psychedelic, transcendent, healing.

Breathwork is a powerful active meditation tool. It's so helpful for rewinding: a process of connecting to the body, moving stuck energy, opening the heart, accessing primal intuition, embodied wisdom and cellular memory. 

It is an incredible tool for moving through post traumatic growth, anxiety, depression, blocks and more. It's for you* even if you have anxiety, panic attacks, asthma - even if you experience chronic pain or are disabled (and maybe most especially.) There’s a good chance you'll feel a sense of quiet calm, clarity, creativity, focus, epiphany, connection, relaxation, and more.

We’ll start with a small shift in the way we touch the body…

Compulsive to Conscious:

Sink deeply into the present moment. Choose a private, quiet space where you won’t be bothered (turn phone on airplane + lock the door).

Design your surroundings so that you feel grounded, relaxed, + safe. Bring in intentional comfort cues. That could look like tidying your space, gathering soft pillows or blankets, dimming the lights, sensory deprivation with earplugs or a blindfold, lighting a candle, or putting on soft music.

Create a ritual by making this a simple, repeatable pattern. This prepares the body for the experience, building anticipation + receptivity. Curating time of day, place, or aspects of ambiance are easy ways to signal to the body that we’re transitioning into pleasure.

Step into curiosity: no goals, no judgements, no rush. Go until you’ve had enough. Remove the goal and requirement of orgasm. Make it play.

Begin seated or lying down. Free the belly of any waistbands or belts. Let the eyes close or soften the gaze.

Name your intention for the practice. One or two words to describe what you want to receive, let go of, or experience. Ex: play, ease, love, worthiness, acceptance, forgiveness

Drop In:

Become aware of the breath in the body. 

Follow it in and out through the nose.

Trace its outline. Feel the shape of the air inside you. 

5 breaths to calibrate, inviting them deeper and deeper into the belly.

What is alive inside you right now?

Welcome all thoughts, feelings, sensations, and memories. Notice without judgment. 

Release resistance. Allow emotions to express organically throughout this practice. 

Let the lips relax, teeth slightly open. 

Check in with the pelvic floor. It’s safe to release and soften.

Begin to sigh or release sound on each exhale, jaw loose, mouth open.

10 breaths. Surrender to the sound. 

How does it feel when the vibrations of your voice move through you?

Let the jaw be soft, slightly open behind the lips. Imagine yawning the anus.

5 big breaths. Deep into the belly, filling the hips.

Exhaling, empty the lungs completely and hold for 30 seconds.

Sink into stillness. Relax the body. 

From the tip of the nose to the tip of the toes. 

Inhaling fully, belly + chest, hold at the top for 10 seconds.

Release. Let the exhale wash over the body.

Notice what is alive inside. 

Sensations, thoughts, feelings, memories.

Describe in detail what’s coming up for you either aloud or in your mind’s eye.

Prepare for a set of 15 breaths.

Let them be deep and complete.

Follow the natural rhythm.

Let the body do what the body does without rushing.

On your 15th breath exhale, emptying the lungs and hold for 30 seconds.

Sink into stillness. Relax the body completely. 

Inhaling fully, belly and chest, hold at the top for 10 seconds.

Release. Let the exhale rinse any remaining tension out of you.

Notice the pulsations of blood traveling through your body.

Notice it at the perineum, finger tips, toes, and behind the eyes.

Apply some light massage oil or lotion to the hands.

Rub it between the palms fast until warm.

Bring both hands to the belly.

Feel the temperature of your skin.

Begin to apply some pressure, allowing the hands to sink in.

Breathe into that resistance. 

Begin to slowly circle the hands into the curve of the left hip.

Feel the texture of the organs underneath the skin.

Find the edge then drag the hands up to fill the rib cage.

Slide across along the diaphragm, under the sternum, over the stomach and liver.

Pausing for an extra breath anywhere that feels sore or sensitive. 

Moving with tender awareness, mapping the inner world. 

Continue down into the right hip, pressing through the crescent of bone.

Feel what you can feel. Let everything soften.

Slowly drag right to left, completing the circle.

Take it to the edge of the mons. If you happen to have a womb you may feel some deep tenderness and prickling pleasure here. Sink into that.

Continue this circling, making each pass slightly smaller than the last, working your way in toward the belly button. 

Noticing what you can notice. 

Letting the breath carry us through.

Checking in with the perineum. Allowing the root to soften and open.

When you make it to the center, allow the fingertips to sink into the umbilical.

Let the breath in the belly pillow the flesh up around your hands, sinking you even deeper.

Slowly peel the fingers apart, opening up from the core of the body.

Feel the porousness. Feel the breath pouring in and out of your body without effort.

Take as much time as you need.

When you’ve had enough, reduce the intensity of your touch.

Allow soft, tracing fingers to move over the body.

Settle into a restorative pose for savasana to soak in the benefits of this practice.

You can lie on your back or find child’s pose. 

Send gratitude and love to the body.

Journal to record the sensations, memories, and emotions that came up for you.

For truly transformational results I recommend experimenting with pleasure meditation and breath work at least 2 or 3x per week while incorporating some sensual savoring daily, just bringing that tender, curious attention to the body - even if that’s only before bed or while you’re in the shower. 

Experiencing this work as a group in live events is another powerful way to help use community accountability to push through difficult challenges + build our pleasure routines.

Let’s work together

If this has stirred something up in you and you want to dive in deeper, I got your back.

Let me put my expertise in somatic arts, yoga, meditation, trauma healing, reiki energy work, tantra, + authentic relating to work for you.

If you want to:

Release shame, blame, + guilt

Heal perfectionism + embrace authenticity

Reclaim erotic innocence

Confidently celebrate your unique body

Become somatically sovereign + turn on intuition

Bio-Hack your body for Post Traumatic Growth

Shift from scarcity + contraction to trust, abundance, + expansion

Activate your multi-orgasmic potential

Give + receive more pleasure, bliss, + presence in your life

Remove creative blockages + find your natural rhythm

Heal unhelpful mental looping, worry, depression or anxiety

Find ease, vibrance, connection + confidence in relationships + intimacy (+ stop settling for less than you deserve)

There are two ways to work with me online + in person: on zoom 1:1 sessions and events. (Link to event page)

Any Qs, get in touch.

I look forward to supporting you on your unique journey to erotic liberation + wholehearted living!

Download the cosmic genital tantric breath work meditation for gender curious, questioning, queer, trans, nonbinary, and gender-fluid folks who want gender-affirming spiritual experiences.

All the Affirmation Artwork on this page is available as a limited run of 3x4 full color vinyl stickers!

** Breathwork practice contraindications

A home breathwork practice is not currently recommended for: people in pregnancy (unless you have discussed it with a medical doctor or already have a regular practice), epilepsy, retinal detachment, glaucoma, high blood pressure not controlled by medication, cardiovascular disease, family history of aneurysm, strokes and neurological conditions, and severe osteoporosis.

** Breathwork practice potential side effects

A breathwork practice can cause strong physical sensations and/or emotional releases. In very rare cases, strong emotional releases have been known to cause amnesia. If having additional support after a group feels important, having a therapist, trusted friend or personal integration practices in place could be helpful. Sliding scale 1:1 sessions are also a chance for more personalized support so please do feel free to email me after or book a session as needed. 

Mutual Masturbation: The Secret to Mind-Blowing Sex

By Ryn Pfeuffer | Visit on Twitter and Instagram

Getting off is one of the great pleasures of life. Mutual masturbation, also known as partnered masturbation, is an oft-underrated sex act that can be extremely hot (and educational). There are few things hotter than watching a partner experience sexual pleasure, whether in person or over a phone or video call. 


For safer sex goes, mutual masturbation is a gold-star winner

No form of sexual contact is entirely without risk of STI transmission. And sex doesn’t have to require penetration to feel good. Besides, penetrative sex isn’t always an option, especially in the cases of vulvodynia or dyspareunia. The great thing about mutual masturbation is that no genital-on-genital contact is necessary, thus significantly reducing your risk of STIs and pregnancy. That said, if fluids are exchanged from one person’s hand to their partner’s genitals, there is some risk of getting an STI – but only for the receiver.


Learn what your partner likes

You masturbate. Your partner masturbates. You both know what you like from your solo seshes. From pace and pressure to intensity of touch, mutual masturbation – especially if you’re a visual learner – can help show your partner what turns you on. 


Increase communication with your partner

From discussing boundaries to consent, communication is essential in any healthy relationship. It may be awkward to bring up the topic of mutual masturbation (we get it). Plan a sex date and come with a sexual wish list. Whether you want to introduce sex toys, dirty talk, or your most taboo fantasy to the bedroom, mutual masturbation can be a useful tool to discuss and actualize such desires with a partner. 


Mutual masturbation is a healthy habit

Mutual masturbation offers many health benefits, including lower stress, better sleep, and clear skin. 




There are so many kinds of mutual masturbation techniques and positions you can try on for size – whether you sit side by side on a sofa, take turns watching each other, or are separated by thousands of miles and connected via a screen. Also, if you don't enjoy masturbation, that's perfectly OK too. However, when it comes to sex, you should never do anything you don't want to do.


For mutual masturbation, these five sex positions can’t be beaten. 


Ride a Straddle-Style Sex Machine

If you want a no-fail mechanical assist, the Motorbunny is my ride-or-die go-to. It’s akin to riding a mechanical bull, except with a thrusting phallus and no risk of being bucked. From the penetrative vantage point of this sex toy, I can play with my clit while maintaining eye contact with a partner who’s touching themselves. If you’re feeling more interactive, have your partner sit on the corner of a bed and position the sex machine in front of them for a hand job or oral sex fun.


Side-by-Side

This is a super-easy (and satisfying!) position for mutual stimulation. This scenario works well for both penis- and vulva-havers. I like to lie down on one side of the bed while my partner stands alongside, facing the bed with legs slightly spread. My partner can use their hands or toys to pleasure me from this position while I use my hands and mouth on them. It may take some finagling to find the best angle for body parts to connect. Still, it's definitely doable with some patience and practice.


Rub and Ride

For multitasking masturbation, have the penis-having partner lie down on their back. The vulva-owner straddles them just below their penis and moves their hand up and down the shaft while positioning their thumb on their clit. Add a dab of lube to make things run even more smoothly. 


Head-to-Foot

It may seem a little odd at first to lie side-by-side, head-to-foot on your backs. But if you scooch so that each of you can easily reach the other's genitals by reaching up between their legs, this can be a very comfortable position (not to mention a great perspective of your partner's party spot). If your hand and forearm get tired after stroking or finger-banging for a while (*raises hand*), this position allows proper arm support to go the duration.


Lazy Sex

This is a tried-and-true position for when you're feeling lazy AF. Lie next to your partner, then scissor your legs sideways so your genitals graze each other's (but no penetration occurs). I like to feel my partner's penis or vulva at the entrance of my vagina while I rub my clit to orgasm. Penis-in-vagina sex is possible from this passive position but by no means necessary to bring pleasure.


Global Orgasm Day: What is an orgasm?

What is an Orgasm? 

So many of us have had an orgasm, but do we really know what they’re all about? Medical doctors often define an orgasm as, “the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual tension, resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region” (McIntosh, 2018). This definition explains the physiology of orgasms, but there is even more to uncover about the psychology of orgasms.

For lots of folks, orgasms can be intense, extremely pleasurable. Orgasms happen through different types of stimulation, and research suggests that orgasms have tons of benefits for our health, & even our relationships. It is important to know that not everyone enjoys orgasms & some people have a hard time achieving orgasms–we all find pleasure in different ways!

Orgasm Misconceptions

Due to the lack of knowledge & consensus about orgasms, combined with how many folks place orgasms on a pedestal & regard them as the “end goal of sex,” many misconceptions about orgasms have developed & have seeped into our sex lives. It is estimated that around 10-15 percent of people with vulvas have never had an orgasm (Rosen, 2000).

There’s a misunderstanding that this suggests it's simply “more difficult” to achieve an orgasm if you have a vulva, versus if you have a penis. However, other studies have come to the conclusion that vulva-owners are much more likely to orgasm through self-stimulation, if they are having sex with another vulva-owner, or if penile-vaginal stimulation is NOT the main/only sexual act. Studies like these provide insights & suggestions for improvement about the way in which we currently define sex, and how the journey to an orgasm is a very individual experience.

Types of Orgasms

There are also quite a few misconceptions about types of orgasms, due to individuals such as Sigmund Freud who suggested that clitoral orgasms were “immature”, and that vaginal orgasms signified a “healthy sexual response.” Many people have debunked Freud’s idea, claiming it to be highly inaccurate & harmful, and instead, sex educators suggest that vaginal orgasms are actually clitoral orgasms. Growing research & knowledge about the full structure & function of the clitoris has led people to understand their own pleasure & arousal templates. 

Here are some types of orgasms from physical stimulation:

    • "Pressure orgasms: orgasms that arise from the indirect stimulation of applied pressure. A form of self-stimulation that is more common in children.

    • Relaxation orgasms: orgasm deriving from deep relaxation during sexual stimulation.

    • Tension orgasms: a common form of orgasm, from direct stimulation often when the body and muscles are tense" (McIntosh, 2018).

(Note: Orgasms do not only occur during physical/sexual stimulation. There have been many reports of voluntary & involuntary orgasms due to mental stimulation or some medications)

Benefits of Orgasms

Orgasms flood the body with the “feel-good” hormones, which, in turn, can lead to lots of health & relationship benefits:

  • "Oxytocin, aka the "love hormone," which facilitates feelings of attachment. It is also released during labor to help with baby bonding.

  • Dopamine, which triggers intense feelings of reward, desire, and pleasure.

  • Endorphins, the "natural opiates" that induce a sense of euphoria and reduce stress.

  • Serotonin, which helps regulate mood, appetite, and sleep.

  • Prolactin, the primary chemical that initiates milk production after pregnancy and plays a role in bonding, also makes us feel satisfied after orgasm" (Wade, 2021).

How to Have an Orgasm 

Here are some of my tips:

  • Explore & self-educate. Look at your genitals with a mirror to get a better idea of what's going on, & check out some diagrams if you need a refresher!

  • Experiment with all your senses. Sometimes closing our eyes or blindfolding ourselves enhances our physical sensations & takes away visual distractions. Other times, visual stimuli may help us reach orgasm.

  • Toys, toys, toys! There are so many amazing toys and aids, for all kinds of bodies! Emojibator has affordable & body-safe toys that can help you reach an orgasm/provide you with lots of smiles conversation starters!

Five Things Masturbation Month 2021 Taught Us.

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Once again Masturbation Month has come to a close and after a very successful 31 days of self-love, I’ve decided to give you the highlights. We’ve explored so many incredible topics this month including the intersections of mental health & masturbation, how to introduce masturbation into a relationship, how to experience pleasure without actually physically touching another person and so much more. Amidst all this fantastic information I’ve deduced five things that Masturbation Month 2021 has taught us. 

And here they are: 

  1. Masturbation is healthy - for most of us, especially vulva owners, we grew up with an immense amount of shame surrounding the topic of self-pleasure. It wasn’t until very recently that I learned that not only is masturbation normal but it’s healthy! It has the power to improve your mood, aid in your sleep, reduce stress, and so much more.

  2. Even if you’re in a relationship, you should still masturbate - partnered pleasure is great, don’t get me wrong, but self-pleasure is equally as important. Whether you have a sexual partner or not it’s still important to focus on yourself. Masturbation allows us to explore our sexualities, find out what we like and honestly, it’s just plain fun!

  3. Don’t be afraid to use toys - now this may sound a little obvious coming from someone who works for a sex toy company but the truth is toys can make or break your masturbation experience. Not only can toys be used on yourself but it’s also a fun way to spice up some mutual masturbation. So don’t be afraid of them, exploration is healthy!

  4. Masturbation is Healing - unfortunately many of us have experienced some traumatic sexual experiences in our lifetimes. This often can lead to us feeling uncomfortable in the bedroom. What I’ve learned through time is that masturbation is a way to reclaim your sexuality and autonomy. What I love most is that you are in control and get to experience sex the way you want to. I never thought I would say this but masturbation has been an incredible tool in my healing and it can be for you too!

  5. We all deserve to feel comfortable in our sexual pleasure - Regardless of who you are, who you love, or how you identify we all deserve to feel comfortable with ourselves and have autonomy over our bodies. Whilst the 31 days of self-love initiative is fun, it is also an opportunity for each of us to reconnect with ourselves. I feel especially grateful to have spearheaded this campaign this year as it’s allowed me and so many of you to further understand ourselves and our pleasure.

After a fun, exciting, and educational month, we want to once again thank you for joining in on our pleasure party. It was a joy to bring new content to you all every day and we can’t wait to do it again next year. 

Thanks again for tuning in, and go f*ck yourself (literally)!

Written by El Bush, Community Manager for Emojibator

Masturbation Month: Mind Over Matter

People have always heard of the idea of masturbating to be sickly, gross, or immature. Well, what they do not know is that masturbating is the opposite of what they are thinking of it to be. Granted finding a dried and crusty hard as a rock tube sock is part of the gross reasons, the cleanup, or having to listen to possible roommate’s moan through the walls for their relief is not everyone’s cup of tea but overall touching yourself is one of the best benefits and self-care methods that any adult can do. A hot cup of tea or a body massage can only do so much for the body when it is stressed beyond relief and sleep alone can take forever to relax not just the mind but the whole nervous system. These are the things to consider when pleasuring yourself to help work for a better mind, it’s simple as mind over matter. 

The chemicals that are produced during masturbation or sex are oxytocin and endorphins. People get confused with these chemicals that our brains give off because they think they make them happy, but that is what serotonin does. Those who struggle with mental illness have a higher increased libido which result in more sexual needs because their brain wants to feed off that good feeling. This is the reason why masturbating is a good thing for our bodies so that we can help heal the chemical balances in our systems. Oskar McHendry author of “Chemicals That Fuel Your Sex Life” explains further into detail of how the actual body releases these difficult compounds throughout the body between both men and women when climaxing during an orgasm. “Oxytocin. What it does: Secreted by the pituitary gland, oxytocin stimulates the prostate, causes muscle contractions, and sensitizes nerves. Research has shown that “increased oxytocin produces more intense orgasms”. Further along, he takes apart each chemical and process throughout the brain and body and gives examples for readers how and why they feel or should feel before, in the middle, and after climaxing.

 However, he does not explain how serotonin works in the process of it all. An article from Healthline “Serotonin: What You Need to Know” written by Annamarya Scaccia gives the reason why people that feel “off” tend to want more of that sexual sensation. It helps increase happiness levels, calms the mood, makes the body feel less anxious and emotionally less stable. So, when putting oxytocin, endorphins, and serotonin all together in the right mindset from masturbation results in nothing but good vibes, pun not intended. Scaccia states, “A 2007 study found that people with depression often have low levels of serotonin. Serotonin deficiency has also been linked to anxiety and insomnia.” One of the best home remedies from adult to adult would be, “rub it off” “shake it off.” It is a no-brainer. A good orgasm from masturbating is one of the perfect ways to get some good sleep, let the mind heal, and have a peaceful mind over matter. 

After reading and analyzing these facts and information is it still gross and immature to enjoy some alone time? A good night’s rest and balanced chemicals throughout the body while experiencing pure pleasure and joy, there is nothing to argue or compare to that. There are so many adults who take pleasure in themselves, but do they realize how beneficial their pleasure is to themselves? Try enjoying some alone time and see the difference between your mood levels and how happy you are. 

Article By Baby Jane


MAKE TIME - ERIKA LUST X EMOJIBATOR

The staff at Erika Lust is back with another reminder to make time for your self-pleasure! The team has had a busy month exploring masturbation through all their senses. Last week, they made something special for your ears - Take a listen to the Lust staff’s takeover of Erika’s infamous Fucking Playlist, sharing their favorite sexy songs to get you in the mood for masturbation: Listen here!

Hungry for more and want to know what a masturbation break sounds like? As an extra special treat, check out an exclusive peek into one anonymous staff member’s masturbaton break through ASMR. Listen here!

 Masturbation has been shown to not only make you happier, more relaxed, and more focused, but it’s also good for creativity and increases your drive to get things done. Plus, it releases endorphins, helps to decompress, and relieves tension and stress. Basically, it’s the perfect medicine for a stressful day at work! 

Avril, Clinical Sexologist & The Porn Conversation Project Manager

 This Masturbation Month, we hope you’ve been enjoying yourself. While Masturbation Month is coming to end, it doesn’t mean you have to stop your daily breaks! We hope you’ll continue the habit of making time for yourself, 365 days of the year ;)

Erika Lust is an award-winning indie erotic filmmaker who creates sex-positive adult cinema by portraying relatable characters, realistic hot sex, and offering a more inclusive and cinematic alternative to the mass-produced mainstream porn.


Your Guide to Virtual Mutual Masturbation 

An incredibly safe sexual practice that provides a ton of opportunity for pleasure and exploration. It’s hot, convenient, and the ultimate bonding exercise for you and your partner(s).

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What’s virtual mutual masturbation anyways?

From sexting, to sending sexy snaps, to kinky video calls, tech has helped bridge the sexual connection gap when we’re far apart providing exciting new ways for us to enjoy mutual masturbation. Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship, dating, or simply wanting to boost up your sex life, then virtual mutual masturbation is the way to do it. 

Virtual mutual masturbation is brilliant. You masturbate, your partner(s) masturbate, all via video chat. It’s fun, intimate, and educational, allowing you to tap into your inner voyeuristic and exhibitionist sides. Your partner(s) get to see you in all your glory, witness exactly what it is that you like, what works for you, and vice versa.

 So, how do I initiate it?

Like all new sexual experiences, you have to talk about them before trying something new. When approaching this subject, first ask your partner(s) what they think about virtual sex and mutual masturbation in general. Really get to know what their thoughts are first. It could be as simple as saying something like:

“I heard about virtual mutual masturbation and I’m curious - do you want to give it a go?”

“I love it when we touch ourselves at the same time, how do you feel about it?”

“I want to show you how I touch myself, do you want to watch?”

Build anticipation by sexting throughout the day or scheduling a sexy video date. If you’re in a long-distance relationship or simply easing back into dating, you can initiate virtual mutual masturbation by expressing to your partner(s);

“Tonight, I would love for us to explore…”

“I really miss physical touch and lately, I have fantasized about us…”

Regardless of your situation, you could just say something sweet and sexy to your partner(s). Make an invitation and make it playful.

Have a conversation by saying

“It’d be really cool to have a virtual mutual masturbation date.”

“I’d love to watch you self-pleasure and have you show me what turns you on.”

Being able to initiate this conversation is so important because it tests your sexual communication. Be sure to get consent from each other, communicate your boundaries, and discuss expectations — just as you would (or should!) with sex in real life. Talk about the types of sexual activities you’re okay with, which ones you might be open to exploring, and the ones you want to avoid. If you have any fears or anything you’re worried about, now is the time to discuss them. Then make sure you’re on the same page. Keep these conversations ongoing, as your preferences may change. This could include how much of your body you’re interested in showing, what is exciting about virtual sex for you, what activities you’re into, and if it’s okay to take screenshots or record. Establishing eager consent is a part of all sex, whether virtual or in-person.

Set the scene

Once everyone’s in the mood, you need to set the scene. Now, this can mean dimming the lights, lighting some scented candles, or playing some sensual music. Be sure to luxuriate in your session in a comfortable and indulgent setting and get rid of any clutter beforehand.

Setting the scene can also mean painting a sensual picture with your partner(s). Are you in a kinky dungeon with tons of toys and props? Are you lying on the white sandy beaches in the Bahamas? Are you a character in one of your favorite eroticas? Being in your own private virtual world, you can really use your imagination and let your fantasies run wild. Virtual mutual masturbation can be a great opportunity to dabble into some frisky role-playing. Take the time to think of any fantasies or sexy ideas you’ve wanted to explore and express them with your partner(s). Then rub, play, and position the camera as you please.

How to improve your sessions

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The point of virtual mutual masturbation is to explore and pleasure your bodies and the goal doesn’t have to be to orgasm. Just to fully allow yourself to be seen by your partner(s), honoring them and how beautiful, amazing, and powerful they look in those states of arousal, is satisfying.

While video chatting, give each other eye contact to get in the zone together. Focus on each other’s breathing, get in the same mood, and be in the present moment.

Describe to your partner(s) how you would be touching them. Is it rough, soft, slow? Talk about how aroused you are and how good you want them to feel. To spice things up, you could also watch ethical porn or listen to erotica together.

If you are going to use toys - I highly suggest for male-bodied individuals to use clear sleeves to make sure you don’t block the view. Also, app-controlled toys let you have sex remotely, making a solo night so much more interactive and provide a great way to get each other off no matter how far you are apart, be it a matter of miles, or entire continents. These toys are perfect for use during virtual sex and are great for creating a feeling of being closer to your partner(s) and giving them some first-hand education on your preferred masturbation techniques and routines.

What you get out of it

There are so many sexy reasons why you should experiment with virtual mutual masturbation. Pleasure is a huge benefit. The fact that you can share those intimate moments with someone else in a virtual space, who might be far apart from you, reveals so much about yourself. You show them the movements you like, the actual spots you like being touched, for how long, what type of pressure, and the products/toys you like to use. So if you know of anything that perhaps your partner(s) are not doing - this is the time to show them. 

It’s the best pleasure education you’ll receive

Letting your partner(s) watch and listen to you pleasure yourself is a great learning and educational experience. These erotic virtual sessions can reignite your sex life, deepen your connections, introduce new forms of sexual pleasures and kinks, and promote overall sexual satisfaction. So indulging in virtual mutual masturbation, now and way beyond the pandemic, might be the key to world happiness ;) 

If you are curious about virtual mutual masturbation - Emojibator’s plethora of sexual wellness products can open up new doors for sexual exploration, from vibrators, to bundle sets, lubricants, CBD pleasure gel, sexy pasties, and so much more.

Article written by Vanessa, founder of @pleasureexploration + marketing and business development coordinator at emojibator




Why You Should Pay For Porn

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Do you remember your first encounter with digital pornography? Chances are you ended up on an X-rated website after your curiosity got you googling words you shouldn’t have been, or you scrolled a little too far on the sketchy side of Tumblr, circa 2013. Whatever your first exposure to porn was, it’s likely that the content you stumbled upon was uploaded for quick, free consumption. It’s also likely that, if you still watch porn today, you’re drawn towards mainstream, free ‘tube’ sites that are overflowing with free videos across a wide range of categories. So why would one choose to pay for pornography?

A few weeks ago, I wrote an article about the lesser-known dark sides of the adult entertainment industry. I explored the male gaze through which porn is usually produced, the racial wage gap, tokenism and stereotypes, as well as legality and consent (or lack thereof). Researching this information led me down a rabbit hole of problematic practices in the sex work industry, specifically with regards to the economics behind it all. Today, I want to explore why it’s so important to pay for pornographic content. To do so, I’m going to trace back to how the industry has evolved and the impact this has had on the amount of money made in the industry that actually trickles down to sex workers.

“Old School” Pornography

Believe it or not, porn has existed pretty much ever since humans were around, but the industry reached a sort of Golden Age in the 1970s, with the growing popularity of high production value adult movies. At the time, actors would sign contracts which would guarantee their appearance in multiple high budget movies, along with magazine features and supported advertisement which could easily turn a performer into a star overnight. Since men were by far the largest producers and consumers of adult entertainment at the time, there was not much variety in the content being offered. Pornstars were expected to fit into a certain mould, with little room for diversity or any body outside of the idealized, skinny and large-chested pornographic model. The industry has certainly always had its flaws in terms of representation, but up until the age of free and accessible internet pornography, performers could at least guarantee a significant income and a much longer career than today’s average, which is currently standing between 4 and 6 months.

A “Declining Industry”

According to industry experts, the average income for a female adult performer has gone down by half in the last 20 years, going from around $100,000 in the late 1990s, to about $50,000 today*. This figure isn’t entirely representative of what performers really make today, though. It’s important to consider the ways in which the industry has evolved over the past couple of decades, with a major difference being that performers are usually paid per scene rather than through a long term contract. As a general rule, female actors in pornography tend to make more money than their male counterparts. The amount of money a female actor can make from a scene also varies a lot, ranging from $300 to $2,500 depending on how well-known they are, or what acts they are performing. For male actors, the range isn’t quite as large, with the average being between $500 and $600 for a scene, and up to $1,500 for better known actors, who can generally maintain a much longer career than women in porn.

PornHub’s Model Program works similarly to YouTube’s model for paying creators per view on advertisements. However, this format allows for a lot of non-consensual, or otherwise problematic content, to be uploaded to the website. PornHub, and other free mainstream adult entertainment streaming websites have certainly contributed to democratizing pornography, but is this really a good thing? In addition to becoming a channel for fraudulent transactions to take place, these mainstream platforms have supported a variety of unregulated, harmful practices that continue to take place within the industry today.

What Can Paying for Porn Guarantee?

Here are a few reasons you should be paying for your pornography:

  1. You can ensure that your porn is ethical and high quality. As stated in my article on ethics in adult entertainment, most content standing behind a paywall is produced in conditions that are equitable, consensual and legal.

  2. Paid websites are usually safer for you. We’ve all seen the pop-ups surrounding porn videos on free platforms; one wrong click, and your computer’s caught a virus. As a general rule, paid websites which don’t rely on ad revenue are a lot safer to browse and download from.

  3. You can track the content back to its creator. PornHub allows you to download videos and reupload them anywhere else on the internet, so it can become extremely difficult, especially without any watermarking, to trace the videos back to its original source. 

  4. Along the same vein, paying for pornography normally guarantees that the money will actually trickle down to the entertainer. Even with websites like OnlyFans, which take a 20% cut of the money made by creators, there is still a straight-forward structure for how the money gets to the performer.

  5. You’re contributing to building a safer, more ethical environment in pornography. It doesn’t have to be much, but as long as you’re paying a fair amount and you’re not consuming it for free, swiping your card can support individual entertainers but also encourage more viewers to consume ethically.

Conclusion: Pay for Your Porn!

Paying for pornography is one of the best ways you can support sex workers. Adult entertainment isn’t free to produce, and performers need to be paid in order to sustain their work without cutting any corners. It’s more important than ever to push for better conditions within the sex work industry, but it all starts by putting our money where our mouths are!


Article was written by Audrey for Sex and Self

Out of Office - An Erotic Short

Out of Office

by Emily Karen

We sit together on the couch in the corner of our office. It’s velvet. A dark emerald, situated in front of a brass coffee table. Our company’s way of decorating cool to stay relevant and retain Millennial talent.

“What about this?” he asks, tilting his computer screen so I can see the presentation slide he is working on.

“That’s better. But... here.” I take his computer and re-write the title heading and hand the laptop back to him.

It’s 9:24pm and we’ve been prepping for this meeting since this afternoon. Everyone else in the office has long since left, so it’s just the two of us sitting side-by-side on the plush velvet.

I look back at my screen and focus on the one-pager I’m writing, very aware that out of the corner of my eye I can see his chest gently rising and falling as he breathes. As he taps away on his keyboard. Fuck.

I am turned on.

I can feel a warm sensation spreading between my legs. I’ve fantasized about this moment for months of working beside him and here we are, finally. Alone.

“Ok, check it now,” he asks. I slide closer -- our thighs are touching now -- and look at his screen again. It’s the same slide, he’s changed three words.

“Yeah... It’s not perfect, but I think we should move on,” I say. We make eye contact for a second too long. I don’t move back to my side of the couch.

“You’re probably right.”

I swear to god I can hear his heart beating. Or is that mine? I want him now. On this couch. Will having sex on it stain the velvet?

“What do you think of this?” I tilt back slightly to give him space to lean over me and look at my laptop. He slowly trails his fingers over the computer’s trackpad, flipping through the work I have open. I lean forward. “I think we should keep the subtitle fonts consistent throughout.” I slide my

hand next to his to show him. He doesn’t move away and our hands are touching. So are our arms. And our thighs.

“I’m really glad we ended up on this project together,” he whispers. I nod my head and slowly he increases the pressure of his hand against mine. “I would be completely lost without your help.”

He’s right. He would. But something about it is endearing to me. There is something attractive about his genuine effort. His sincere appreciation.

I haven’t said anything and I am vividly aware that our hands, our arms, and our thighs are still touching. It feels as if the same warmth spreading between my legs is radiating from where we are physically connected. From where the skin on his forearm - just below his rolled up shirt sleeve - touches mine. I return the pressure against him and he lifts his hand off the computer and brings it ever-so-slowly to rest on top of where mine remains fused to the keyboard. He strokes his thumb across the back of my hand. I’m so fucking horny I don’t dare move a muscle. There is a live, red hot, electric current pulsing through my entire body and I begin to wonder whether he can actually see it. Like some orange glow of radiation beaming off of me.

Slowly, while he is watching, I close each tab on my computer. Then I close my laptop and place it on the coffee table.

I rotate my position on the couch to face him, curling my legs under me - my knees resting on the space along his thigh that my left leg has recently vacated. “Maybe we need a break.”

He nods. I hear him catch his breath as I reach across his lap. I laugh to myself -- he didn’t think I was going to reach straight for his crotch did he? I close his computer and place it beside mine.

He gives me a little smile and leans back, draping his right arm across the back of the couch. I feel his fingers graze the back of my shoulder. I reach across his lap again and this time I bring my hand to rest on his left knee.

“You know I’m always happy to help.” It feels almost absurd to be carrying on a normal conversation. Inappropriate. As if he could somehow feel the warm wetness spreading in my underwear. Then again, maybe he should.

Fuck it.
“It just makes it hard to concentrate when I’m this attracted to you.”

For all the flirting, all the leaning-overs and lingerings, all the brief grazings of skin-to-skin over the course of this project, he looks truly shocked. And that makes me laugh out loud.

“Relax, Carter - it’s nothing to be worried about.”

“No, it’s not that, I -- ” Why is this so funny to me? I try to suppress another laugh as he stammers out the words.

“Jesus Christ, Jenny, it’s because I’ve been fantasizing about you saying those words for the past 6 months. You’re all I ever think about.” The laugh dies in my throat. I meet his eyes and the intensity in the gaze is almost overwhelming. As if the electric current in my body found another mode of connection to its destination and was hitting it with full force.

I don’t hesitate. I lean across him and brush my lips against his. It’s gentle at first. I lean back to look at him and a silent moment passes between us now that this invisible barrier has been crossed. There’s no going back now. I run my hands through his scalp and kiss him again, hard. I feel his soft lips, his tongue, working their way against mine. He places his hands around my waist and guides me. I respond eagerly, crawling into his lap so I am straddling him. Already, I can feel the bulge in his pants. He runs one hand up the length of my thigh, over my long dress. I kiss him with fervor, both of my hands in his hair, desperate for more of his on my body.

He runs his hands back down the length of my leg, this time slipping under the folds of my cotton dress. One hand is on my back, the other runs up the bare length of my leg, pausing at my hip. He flutters his fingers along my underwear line before gripping my ass and tilting me backwards.

I lie down on the couch as he pulls my dress up higher, looks at the grey thong underneath. His finger trails over my underwear and he realizes that I’m already wet.

“You are so sexy to me.” He breaths, making eye contact as he lowers his head between my legs. My back arches as he lets out a warm breath on my pussy. Oh my god. His tongue flicks me as he trails lazy circles on my inner thigh. One hand gently clasps my ass why the other runs the length of my right leg. He plays with my underwear again. Pulling the seam back, skimming his fingers just underneath, closer to my folds. He breaths again. Taking in my smells and driving me crazy with the warm blast of air.

“Take my underwear off.”

Two long fingers slip under the now-soaked cotton of my panties and trace the length of my slit. They’re glistening wet when he pulls them back. He lets out a growl and then tugs my underwear down. I help him slither it past my knees and off my ankles. He scoops both arms under my legs and buries his face deep in between thighs, flicking my clit with his tongue before licking the length of me. He explores every inch of me with his tongue, alternating between my clit, my folds, my insides. He fingers me with one, then two of his fingers as he continues to lap me up with his tongue. The sensation is driving me wild and I can feel my orgasm building. He seems to sense it too, quickening his pace as I let out a loud groan. The faster he pumps his fingers the harder he sucks and before I know it I’m crashing over the edge, every cell in my body exploding with heat and electricity.

I collapse on the couch, watching Carter lean back and slowly lick his two fingers that are no longer inside of me. I pull his head down to mine and kiss him full on the mouth, relishing the taste of us both.

This project just got a lot more interesting.

Originally Published on MMURE.com