THE PLEASURE PRINCIPLE

When it comes to sex, many of us are people pleasers. The way to building our arousal becomes dependent on our lover’s satisfaction, and if our lover isn’t pleased, then we aren’t pleased, and it makes for a challenging sexual situation. However, when our lovers are satisfied, that’s when we become the most turned on, and the ability to orgasm becomes easier.

We aim to please for several reasons: 

1) We enjoy the company of our lover(s), 

2) It helps us with intimate, emotional and or physical bonding, and 

3) It helps build our ego and confidence with our sexual techniques. Overall, it helps us to feel good about ourselves and with the person(s) that we’re with.

There are several ways that you can aim to please someone:

1) Pay attention to what they say to you and implement it into your sexual techniques. 

2) Pay attention to what their body is saying to you while you’re performing the sexual procedures 

3) Give feedback in the form of dialogue or moaning that indicates that you are enjoying the pleasure that you’re giving them. Aiming to please is a form of conquering a goal in which you want to achieve, which brings us to the next point of being able to please to aim until orgasm.

Pleasing to aim until orgasm is total goal-oriented behavior. It is about pleasing your lover until you can get the orgasm that you want them to have. It is also about getting as close to your orgasm as possible (and if you’re turned on enough, coming to orgasm without touching yourself!). When your goal-oriented and persistent, you will get what you want, provided that you make the right moves at the right moment and with the right attitude. Overall, pleasing to aim requires persistence, erotic acuity, and sexual intelligence. Having all these things will help you achieve the prowess that you need to please your lovers and please yourself!

Written by Jane Jett the educator and licensed therapist behind Kinktra.com and Kinktra in the Raw podcast.

[A]SEXUAL SELF DISCOVERY

The thing about continuing to evolve and learn about yourself and your changing needs is that sometimes they aren’t what you expect. Sometimes what you need is something that scares you and something you find surprisingly embarrassing. Lately I’ve been retreating into myself a bit and pretty disinterested in sex, more specifically sexual pleasure focused on my body. My husband forwarded me an Instagram post about someone being on the Ace Spectrum and I found myself feeling defensive and fearful. That’s not me! Is that me?

Over the course of my adolescence I had a tentative curiosity about sex. Masturbation was a major milestone and I did it a lot for a while, addicted to the short buzz all over my body. Later, I honed my ability to seduce men. It felt good to be desired and to give pleasure. I think that was my main motivator.  I was hungry for all kinds of experiences through my 20s. And now, having found love, my feelings are shifting and I’m reflecting on those periods in my life.

I think I was attracted to power; maybe I still am. Back in my days of promiscuity, I liked to have sex with men who had prowess, someone I could learn from, extract their wisdom, experience, and skills through the dick. I loved peering into their lives, navigating these dates, and taking risks in the name of pleasure and in pursuit of something edgy: casual sex. Maybe there was a sense of pride or self worth in this talent for choosing my prey and getting what I wanted. Was it what I wanted? Was I told that my main source of value is my body? Was I subtly taught that sex was the main thing people wanted from me? I don’t know. I think it’s a mix of all that.

Finding love changes things. I had a hard time finding a good match for me in part because I possess the need for two things: sexual openness in the form of positivity and permission and dedicated companionship. It was tough for the men I dated to understand that these two qualities could coexist. They would see my desire for committed love and my desire for, eventually, some kind of ethically non-monogamous relationship as incompatible. Or they’d recognize my hunger for new sexual experiences as an impossible pairing with an interest in building a life together.  And then I met Dan. He was actually going to model for the magazine! I am so grateful for Math Magazine, all the amazing experiences and people it’s brought into my life. Maybe most of all my husband.

We got married earlier this year and I didn’t know I could be this happy. Even as I start to think about my sexual journey up to this point he is unfaltering in his love and support. I judge myself but he doesn’t. I am fearful of what I’m learning about myself and his encouragement makes all the difference.  The voice in my head rejects the idea of being asexual, how could the person who fucked a stranger in a field be asexual? How could a pornographer be asexual? The judgment is strong and I’m ashamed of that too! I realize accepting where I’m at now doesn’t negate my past and all the other ways I’ve been or will be. If I’m being honest with myself it’s valid. Layer upon layer, I’m peeling it all back and I can tell this is a part of the process. I’m in a new space. It’s unfamiliar, it’s strange but I’m ok with it thanks in large part to the sex positive community and the love of my partner.

I like the idea of expanding my ideas of sex positivity to better include the ways our desires and identities shift over time. I thought I had arrived but that isn’t how things really work, is it? I really love being a person who is always learning, growing, and changing. I think arriving and staying at a specific version of ourselves is a type of death. As cosmically beautiful as that sounds the actual experience can be tough. Like falling in love, having your heart totally broken, and finding a way to fall in love again; I think I’m learning how to continue to be kind to myself through all my sexually liberated seasons.

MacKenzie Peck founded Math Magazine in 2015. At the start, there were only 50 copies printed of Issue Zero and the brand has since grown exponentially. MacKenzie was born on Valentine's Day and raised in Danbury, Connecticut. Originally trained as an artist, MacKenzie earned a BFA magna cum laude from the Maryland Institute College of Art. She currently lives and works in Brooklyn. 

WHOREGASMIC’S TOP FIVE PORNSTARS

I’m a pusher. A porn pusher. I push people to watch porn. And if you don’t know what movie I’m referencing, then you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. The problem is, sifting through mainstream pornsites is like shopping at a Forever21 — you have to wade through a lot of ugly shit before you find the thing that makes you tick. I’ve been combing through Pornhub videos for over a decade, so as you can imagine I’m somewhat of a porn connoisseur.

Sites like Bellesa, XConfessions, and Make Love Not Porn are curating and creating adult content with women in mind, but I have a hack that makes going to your local conglomerate mainstream pornsite less terrifying than need be. The answer is simple: discover your favorite pornstars and exclusively search for their videos. To make it even easier, you can make your own “playlist” on PornHub with your favorite movies and pornstars!

But Arielle, how do I figure out who I love to wank to?? That’s where I come in, darlings! I’ve done the dirty work for you, so sit back, relax, grab a vibrator and peruse this very official list of my top 5 favorite female pornstars. Notably, I mostly enjoy lesbian porn so most of the links will be sans men. I have loads more that I watch on a daily basis, but these are my most favorite stars, with links included. Enjoy!

1. Abella Danger

Abella Danger, 23, is a breakout Jewess porn star. Her earlier work is more exclusively heterosexual, but I’m mostly interested in her latter lesbian films. Abella has won a handful of awards, including Hottest Newcomer (Fan Award) at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo because she is just that damn good. Recently she was featured on the cover of Office Magazine, which is amazingly cool. She’s rough, sensual, strong as hell, has the juiciest booty, and can squirt buckets. Don’t sleep on this Miami queen.

Lesbian Step-Sisters Better Not Get Caught By Dad! Ft. the late August Ames

Hot and Mean Abella Danger and Jenna Fox Fight Me Bitch Ft. Jenna Foxx

Jesse Andrews, Abella Danger

2. Karlee Grey

Karlee Grey, 23, has the most beautiful breasts I’ve ever seen. The sex worker is recently on a hiatus since giving birth to a bouncing baby gender-unbeknownst. Despite having ranked #57 on PornHub, I think she’s supremely underrated, and one of the better actresses. She’s passionate, sexy as fuck, and a Latina beauty queen.

Kissing Step Cousins ft. Vanessa Veracruz

Angela White and Karlee Grey Bond Over Their Big Natural Titties ft. Angela White

Karlee Grey Is the Worst Babysitter ft. Tommy Pistol

3. Mia Malkova

Mia Malkova, 26, has the juiciest ass in the land. Known for dat phat ass, a huge chunk of her videos are yoga pants centric. In 2018 she was featured in the documentary God, Sex and Truth. In an interview, she said that the reason she got into porn was that she loves sex, and the porn world is the safest, and best place to explore sex in all its forms. Sex work runs in the family because her brother Justin Hunt is also a porn star. Mia also married porn star Danny Mountain in 2014 but announced their separation in 2018.

Sexy Yoga with Mia Malkova ft. Erik Everhard

Vanessa Veracruz and Mia Malkova ft. Vanessa Veracruz

Mia’s Phat Ass in Yoga Pants ft. Cody Sky

4. Dani Daniels

Dani Daniels, 29, is a vision. Since marrying her husband Vic in 2017, the actress retired from starring in videos but runs a widely successful premium Snapchat with CamSoda. She’s an artist, a plant mom, she sells a monthly subscription box, and in 2016 she won AVN Fan Award for Most Amazing Sex Toy for her collaboration with Doc Johnson. Dani is one of the best actresses, performers, and you can tell she genuinely enjoys what she does (not everyone does!) Her videos are eclectic, and she eats pussy like no other. I could write extensively about Dani, but I’ll let her videos do the talking.

Dani Daniels and Asa Akira Lesbian Syndrome ft. Asa Akira

PornFidelity

Lesbian Roommates ft. Karla Kush

5. Jesse Jane

Jesse Jane, 38, can fuck. She retired in 2017, but Jesse’s reputation lives on in her hot, hot, videos and sex toys. My favorite film starring Jesse is the Pirates series — linked below — but the blonde bombshell’s portfolio extends further than just adult films. Jesse hosts Playboy TV’s live show Night calls and Naughty Amateur Home Videos. She’s written for magazines Cheri, and Ralph, and hosted several adult industry award ceremonies. Enough about her bio, watch the good stuff below.

Classic Pirates 2 ft. Belladonna, Ben English, Evan Stone

Blonde Teen Jesse Jane Wants Her Doctors Cock

Blonde Jesse Jane Is Seduced and Fucked By Her Neighbor ft. Erik Everhard  

6. BONUS: Sasha Grey

Sasha Grey, 31, is an iconic adult film actor. I don’t watch her on a regular basis, but her film with Bree Olsen was the first video I ever masturbated to, and still masturbate to. Naturally, I had to give it a shout out. Sasha retired from the porn scene when she was 21, and since then has appeared in music videos, documentaries, magazines, movies, and even wrote the trilogy Juliette Society. In 2008 she was awarded the AVN Award for Female Performer of the Year, and in 2011 she published a photo book Neu Sex about her time as an adult actress. Watch my favorite video of hers below. A decade later, it still gets me off.

Lesbians Sasha Grey (19) & Bree Olson (21) - ft. Bree Olson

Written by Arielle Kaplan, writer and creator of @Whoregasmic and Seven Minutes in Heaven

WHY IS FEMALE MASTURBATION STILL SO TABOO?

One afternoon in 2002, two of my friends sat on my trampoline and explained the bases to me, painting graphic images that titillated my 11-year-old mind. I was particularly fascinated by their description of fingering. “Couldn’t you do that yourself?” I thought privately. I decided to find out.

I snuck into my bathroom that night, spread my legs, put a hand mirror between them, and discovered that you can, indeed, do that to yourself. Needless to say, I was on that bathroom floor nearly every day for the next few years (until I discovered shower heads).

I stayed quiet about my solo sex exploits, certain none of my friends were doing it. I occasionally heard them joke about boys masturbating, but the jokes always seemed to contain the assumption that this was one reason boys were such aliens. At sleep-away camp, a cabin mate teased an outcast by joking that she masturbated. I hoped they never discovered what I was doing in my bunk bed after the lights went out.

By the time I was in my early teens, every orgasm I had was followed by a rush of shame. I kept pledging to stop and then breaking this promise. Then, during a truth or dare game at age 15, a friend asked me what my biggest secret was, and I admitted it was that I masturbated. As it turned out, she did it, too. Another truth or dare game later, I learned another friend did as well. How had we felt like such freaks when we were all doing it?

“Both women and men, depending how they were raised, have shame and guilt around masturbation,” says Laurie Mintz, Professor of Psychology at the University of Florida and author of Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It. “But female masturbation is still more taboo than male masturbation. There are fewer images of women masturbating than men, and it is less joked about and less talked about.”

There’s a double-standard, for example, in how female and male masturbation are treated on screen. The film But I’m a Cheerleader got an NC-17 rating for a fairly non-explicit female masturbation scene, while American Pie, a movie centered on male masturbation, got an R rating.

In addition, material promoting female masturbation is often censored. New York’s Grand Central subway station ran ads for erectile dysfunction meds without controversy, yet the MTA rejected ads for the sex toy company Unbound until people protested online.

The stigma around female masturbation has a long history, says Hallie Lieberman, author of Buzz: The Stimulating History of the Sex Toy. As far back as the 18th century, Swiss doctor Samuel-Auguste Tissot wrote that it could cause nymphomania. In the 19th-century U.S., girls who masturbated even faced circumcision in order to limit their sexual expression to penetrative intercourse within marriage. The legacy of these theories continued long after they were explicitly believed: A 1974 survey found that a quarter of women felt guilty, perverted, or scared of going crazy through masturbation.

Even though people have become more open minded about masturbation over recent years, thanks to feminist sex shops, sex educators like Betty Dodson, and books like Our Bodies, Ourselves, Good Vibrations staff sexologist Carol Queen, PhD believes that recent government attacks on reproductive rights, LGBT rights, and sexual assault survivors have caused views on masturbation, particularly female masturbation, to regress.

Part of this comes down to a more general taboo around female sexuality. “Men are expected to express themselves sexually at a young age,” says Carlin Ross, who runs sexuality workshops for women alongside Dodson. “Men are entitled to pleasure and porn and strippers and escorts and Vegas weekends. That just doesn't exist for women yet.”

The masturbation taboo is “part of a larger stigma around sex,” agrees Queen. “It implies that there's one acceptable way to have sex, which is heterosexual, potentially procreative, with gender roles intact.”

The notion of sex that defies gender roles and doesn’t serve procreative purposes is especially threatening when it’s women who are engaging in it. Women’s role, after all, is often reduced to their ability to have children and care for their families. When they are allowed to be sexual, it’s typically in response to a man’s sexual desires, rather than their own. This societal prescription is evident in American purity culture, with women pledging to stay virgins until marriage.  

“The stigma around female masturbation is particularly strong due to the idea that a woman’s sexuality exists for her partner rather than herself,” says Queen. “Nobody questions whether men should be motivated by sexual pleasure, and that could include jacking off. It’s all part of the ‘boys will be boys’ narrative.”

Compounding this taboo is a cultural fear that by masturbating, women will get in touch with their desires and stop being subservient to their partners. “When women get a chance to explore pleasure, it’s possible they’ll also explore fantasy, and it’s possible they’ll want something other than they are ‘supposed’ to want,” Queen explains. “They may decide that they primarily want to masturbate and not have partner sex. They may ask male partners to do different things to please them than the male partners have learned or want to do. They may decide they want a female partner or many partners.”

The fear that women will no longer be satisfied with male partners if they masturbate stems from anxieties around women’s preference for clitoral stimulation over penetration. A study by sex researcher Shere Hite, published in 1976’s The Hite Report, found that only 1.5 percent of women masturbated solely through penetration.

This challenged the Freudian idea that the mature way for women to be sexual was to have penetrative intercourse with a male partner, explains Thomas Laqueur, Professor of History at the University of California, Berkeley and author of Solitary Sex: A Cultural History of Masturbation. Freud called clitoral masturbation a “masculine activity.” Even birth control advocate Margaret Sanger was against masturbation because she believed regular masturbators would be unable to “perform the sexual act naturally,” Lieberman points out.

While the days where Freud’s and Sanger’s ideas enjoyed mainstream acceptance are behind us, fear that masturbation will diminish women’s partnered sex lives now comes out in warnings about vibrators decreasing sensitivity or replacing real human beings. In one Sex and the City episode, for example, Charlotte decides she’d “rather stay home with a Rabbit than deal with men.”

There’s also a lot of body shame deterring women from masturbating. “I've worked with women in their 50's, 60's, and 70's who have never touched their genitals,” says Vanessa Marin, sex therapist and creator of Finishing School, an online orgasm course for women. “Women are socialized to believe that our genitals are ‘icky’ or ‘gross.’ That masturbation is ‘sinful’ or not something that ‘good girls’ do. That our partners will think it's gross or be offended if they find out that we masturbate.”

These myths can lead women to miss out on sexual pleasure, and they may even cause women to settle in their sex lives because they don’t know anything better. “Many women don’t have orgasms during intercourse, but most women do have orgasms when they masturbate,” says Lieberman. “If a woman is too ashamed to masturbate, she may spend decades not having orgasms and even thinking she’s defective or inadequate because she’s not having orgasms during sex. And this can lead to lower self-esteem, of course.”

This lack of sexual independence can even contribute to unhealthy relationships. Women “struggle in codependent relationships, marrying one of their first sex partners, start families, and before they know it, a decade or two have gone by and they don't know who they are anymore,” says Ross.

Unfortunately, the female masturbation taboo has a way of perpetuating itself. When the only references to female masturbation we hear as kids are derogatory jokes, we probably won’t admit we do it. Instead, we’ll laugh along and maybe even make our own quips. The first step to breaking the taboo, then, is overcoming our embarrassment and talking about it — even if it’s as simple as bringing it up with our friends at a sleepover.

Written by Suzannah Weiss, editor of Complex and contributor to publications such as Vice, Teen Vogue, and Bustle.

24 PEOPLE REVEAL THEIR FETISHES

Feet — you’re either indifferent to them, hate them, or want to fuck them. If the shoe fits the latter, then boy does Silicon Wives have a sex toy for you. Catering to one of the more popular groups of fetishists (a person with a fetish), the luxury sex doll company just launched its latest product, oh so cleverly named Realistic Silicone Feet with Vaginas. Basically, it’s a foot that you can have sex with that should’ve been named “foot-gina,” or “vagankle” (clearly a missed opportunity).

When the average person thinks about a fetish, the first thing that comes to mind is feet. Perhaps that’s because the media perpetuates the stereotype that foot fetishes are the only type of fetish, maybe it’s because we’re a sucker for alliterations, or maybe it’s just Maybelline. The reality is, fetishes — a sexual attraction to an object or non-genital body part — comes in a myriad of variations.

Despite America’s reluctance to instate comprehensive sex education, Silicon Wive’s latest product illustrates a growing normalization of previously considered abnormal sexual desires.

For example, while less popular than most, some people are attracted to stethoscopes, known as auscultation. There’s even a website dedicated to those who are attracted to hearing heartbeats. Don’t believe me? The proof is in the pudding! And by pudding, I mean the following list of sexual fetishes people revealed to me. I asked 24 amount of people what their sexual fetish is, and when they first noticed it. Enjoy!

1. Horror movies, female, 22

Every time I would watch a horror movie I’d just find myself SOOO turned on, like panties dripping lmao! Through the years, I’ve found that it’s all part of the adrenaline and during a very well done horror movie I lose myself completely in the storyline, and different sexual scenarios that could happen, and that I want in theory.

Fear play

2. Hands, Female, 19

It was just an inkling at first. Like, there’s hand porn which isn’t particularly sexual, it’s just pictures of really nice hands. However, I have come to realize it’s because I am so turned on by the thought of my partner playing with my pussy and fingered me, and also him/her masturbating. I guess nice hands just turn me on because of the subconscious association with stuff like that.

Hand fetishism

3. Food play, nonbinary, 23,

I always felt bad about eating growing up because my parents encouraged me not to eat, so now, I don’t know, I love food play and just in general mukbang [watching people binge eat] are the best, lmao. I realized it when a girl I had a crush on was eating wings, and like passionately with sauce dripping, and she was even sucking the bone marrow out.”

Sitophilia

4. Messy food play, female, 34

I love watching people eat messy things, like chicken wings. I was out eating with an ex and I realized I was getting excited watching him. Now many of the dates I go on are at wing places so that I can tell if I’m actually attracted to the person because usually, I don’t know immediately. Sitophilia

5. Wet and messy, Female, 24

I have a few fetishes, but my favorite is being messy with things like paint, or cake icing. Paint is fun, not as fun considering it’s not typically edible. I was painting my bedroom, super frustrated and just having an awful day when my boyfriend came home and started to cheer me up. He started putting little dots of paint on me until I was pretty much covered in blue paint. He started rubbing it on my skin, and I lost it. I have no idea why, but the feeling of being covered in something stick, or wet — like I said, still preferable edible, not lube — is just so hot. I think I love the carefree feeling that comes with just making an absolute mess.

Sploshing

6. Male, 30, feet

I discovered I was into feet as soon as I was attracted to women. I always found women in flip flops really, really attractive. Like, more than an “oh, that’s cute!”

Podophilia

7. Male, 26, body hair

I loved going down on my ex, and when we first got together she would shave herself bare. One day we had sex and she forgot to shave, and I found it irresistibly sexy. Afterward, I asked her if she would let her body hair grow out. She was caught a bit off guard, but she was obliged, and it made sex more enjoyable to me. The tactile and aromatic qualities made sex that much more primal.

Tricophilia

8. Fishnets against soft skin, female, 29

In the early 2000s when Gwen Stefani started wearing them regularly, it captivated me so much that I bought a pair. I immediately became obsessed with the texture against soft feet, and shaved legs. When I see anyone wearing them I’m immediately in a trance.

Hosiery fetish

9. Feet and tickling, male, 36

I discovered both growing up through socializing and playing with friends. Pre-puberty, they weren’t sexual as much as they were just two things I enjoyed doing. My guy and gal friends would let me play with their feet and we’d have tickle fights. I remember one sleepover I had with a best friend where I spent the entire evening watching a movie with his feet in my lap. I was about 11.

As I got older and began exploring my sexuality, I realized that I found both feet and tickling to be very sexual to me. That’s when everything sort of came together (ha!) in my head. And once I started dating, I was armed with enough research (thank you Internet) to be able to articulate these two fetishes to my romantic interests. Add a healthy amount of open shame-free discussion, and I was able to establish my sexual identity as the foot-guy, or tickle monster in my relationships. And so, my innocent childhood play transitioned into far from innocent adulthood play.

Podophilia

10. Runny makeup, male, 22

I love rough sex in porn with “forced” tags (obviously, only with consenting like-minded partners with established safe words). I really like when she/he wears runny makeup, and I get to turn them into a hot, sweaty mess while fucking them in a chokehold. I realized this from watching every scene in the John Wick movies where he dukes it out with a female assassin. Runny makeup is the key thing here.

Salirophilia

11. Shaving hair, non-binary, 25

I discovered my fetish for having my hair cut or shaved when I was in my late teens. I had nearly six inches cut off from my hair, which was my most dramatic hair cut at that point. A couple of months later, my boyfriend at the time cut a further four inches off while I masturbated, so it was properly short. It’s more exciting when I think about it being cut off, or it being really short, and sometimes I fantasize about it being done in front of an audience while I’m tied up.

Trichophilia

12. Shaving, female, 35

The first time I ever shaved it excited me. My mom wasn’t very good about explaining things. She handed me a razor and told me I needed to start shaving. So, I did my armpits, legs, and vagina. Doing it excited me. The older I got, I explored different things that added to the excitement, including being shaved and shaving my partner. I like the feeling of it, the smell of the shaving cream, the sound of the razor against the grain of the hair, especially when watching a man shave his face, and the smoothness after it’s done.

Trichophilia

13. Masks, female, 20

My biggest fetish is masks — ski masks, motorcycle helmets, etc. When I was maybe 10 or 11 I had a huge crush on all of the Power Rangers. Now, I have connected the dots and realized that I love the thought of being gangbanged by all the Power Rangers.

Clothing fetishism

14. Urination, female, 29

I had a sugar daddy who was into getting peed on. It took me a few tried to get comfortable. It’s hard to urinate on command because you’re trained from a small child to not urinate everywhere I had no idea I would enjoy it as much as I did! Later, I discovered I also enjoy being the recipient. During, before, or after intercourse. Sometimes just as a pleasure on its own!

Urolagnia

15. Feet, male, 28

I discovered my foot fetish when girls in my high school would play with their shoes with their feet under the desk. I had absolutely no idea why it turned me on. I grew up thinking I was an absolute freak. Now, I own it and my girlfriends moan when I caress their feet during sexy time. Podophilia

16. Latex, male, 42

A partner introduced latex to me and had me wear it. It was like a light switch. It was such a turn on in my head instantly.

Latex fetishism

17. Latex, genderqueer, 23

I love latex everything, probably from watching stuff like American Mary and all the other movies and shows that have hot women in latex. Have you ever watched a video of someone snapping or rubbing something latex? Oof.

Latex fetishism

18. Latex, male, 29

I found out when I was in a BDSM group four years ago and was a slave for a girl for about a year and a half. Her full latex suits (red, black, grey) made me completely lose control and go insane. I’d lose (still lose) control like the hulk.

Latex fetishism

19. Teeth, female, 23

It’s not a big fetish I necessarily seek out in a partner, but I have a slight obsession for people with a nice smile. When I was young I thought I really wanted to be a dentist, but I actually just had a fixation with staring at my partner's mouth if they had nice teeth. If I’m already interested in the conversation I’m having with a person of interest and they have nice teeth, I just stare at them. It is such a turn on for me like I actually get wet from that alone. I could climb on top of them right there, wherever we are.

Odontophilia

20. Women’s bellies, bisexual male, 21

I always liked chubby girls and thought they looked cute and hot. At 15, at a pool party, I realized I really wanted to pinch and squeeze my crush’s chubby belly. After that, I would focus a lot on chubby bellies, along with sunken belly buttons. Back at the time, “thicc girls” and plus size models weren’t rocking it the way they do now, so my fetish became stronger over these last years. And I’m really happy to see them get the love they deserve.

Alvinophilia

21. Mustaches, female, 19

I was getting eaten out and the guy brushed his mustache against me. I’ve been mad about mustaches ever since.

Tricophilia

22. Candle wax, woman, 24

When I was a kid, I always just loved dipping my finger in candle wax and peeling it off when it had dried. As an adult having sex, I enjoy a lot of sensory stimulation, and I’ve experimented with different temperatures, so obviously had to try wax. Having someone pour hot wax down my neck, chest, boobs, stomach… it’s amazing.

Wax play

23. Dark curly hair, female, 26

I’m super turned on by younger guys with dark, wavy, or curly hair. Preferably curly. They can also be bald, but with dark, wavy bars. I have an unhealthy desire to just touch these guys’ hair when I’m out in the club. Sometimes I just run my fingers through stranger’s hair without their prior consent! It’s a bad habit, I know, but so far I’ve only received positive feedback.

Tricophilia

24. Hitting and choking, female, 17

One of my exes happened to accidentally put his hand around my throat, and I just held him there ‘cause I liked it. He was also into hitting me, and that’s why we tried that as well.

Masochism

Written by Arielle Kaplan, writer and creator of @Whoregasmic and Seven Minutes in Heaven

TOUCHING YOURSELF TO STAY IN TOUCH WITH YOURSELF

As comically messy my romantic life remains, I’ve grown a lot from therapy throughout the years. For one, I learned terms like an autonomous interdependent relationship. Say it with me: au·ton·o·mous in·ter·de·pend·ent relationship. A partnership between mutually reliant individuals who maintain their identities and agency. In layman’s terms, you do you—together.

It’s happy hour-ing with friends while your S.O. hashes out a creative project at home. It’s living fully when apart...then deep dishing about your day over thick crust pizza. And sometimes it’s a healthy dose of solo self-love. Ya feel me? Because I, like, really feel me.

Touching myself has become an important component of my sex routine. Sure, my current partner and I satisfy each other on the regular (humble brag). Yet I wonder, without it...would we?

To truly get down together, you need to know what’s up. What makes you quiver and moan? What melts away your inhibitions? Masturbation allows you to safely explore these questions and later share your discoveries with your partner. Even then, no one will ever have a more intimate relationship with your body than you. And that’s more than okay—in this masturbator’s opinion, that’s how it should be. Your pleasure is literally in your own hands. That’s empowering, and damn does it feel good.

Written by Paige Montes, copywriter for Karma Agency

LISTEN HERE, YOUNG LADY! SEX ADVICE I WISH I HAD IN HIGH SCHOOL

Between keeping up with classes and crushes, squeezing in after-school activities, and trying to make sense of your school’s sad excuse for sex education, high school is a battleground for your burgeoning sexuality. Your body and brain are just waking up to the potential for pleasure that lies between your legs, and it’s no easy feat to figure it all out when you’ve got slut-shaming cliques and tattle-tale teachers at your heels.

When you’re all grown up, you’ll look back and wish you could write a letter to your younger self. As they say, hindsight is 20/20, and unfortunately you can’t turn back time, grab teenage You by the arms, and yell “Don’t fall for that guy from third period!” or “Sarah was just jealous – you’re not a slut for kissing your crush!”

Although we can’t predict the future or change the past, your blogging gal pals at Dame are here to hand out some hints for strolling down your school halls with confidence and knowledge – no matter what that group of gossipers is whispering in the corner.

Yes, Seriously: Everyone Masturbates

These weird wanking rumors just never seem to die. As far back as your great-grandparents’ school days, kids have been making up all sorts of fake facts about self-pleasure. From growing hair on your palms to wrecking your ability to orgasm during intercourse to disappointing your local church priest, masturbation myths are alive and well in every decade. And guess what? They’re all big, fat lies.

Growing up, you’ve probably heard most kids claim that they never masturbate, and these same kids usually taunt anyone who admits that they do. But – shocker! - they more than likely do, and while it’s pretty crappy to shame someone else for their healthy pleasure habits, it’s totally normal to orgasm alone at any age.

Masturbation does a lot of awesome things for your brain and body. It releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine that relieve icky feelings of sadness or depression, and it even helps you fall asleep faster. Self-pleasure also teaches you what feels good and what doesn’t, which are helpful tools that can lead to amazing sex in your future relationships.

So go ahead and delight in nature’s little sexy stress reliever when you’re alone in your room, and if you can get your hands on a beginner-friendly vibrator like the Pom or the Fin, all the better. This time, everyone really is doing it!

What Happens Now Doesn't Set Your Sexual Future in Stone

As long as you’re using condoms to protect against pregnancy and potentially incurable STDs, your youthful sexual decisions don’t have to affect your entire future.

When it comes to sex, it’s always a good idea to do it sober and with someone you trust, and only when you’re absolutely ready. Beyond those basics, that doesn’t mean that if you’re crushing on every girl or guy in school, you’re a total skank (c’mon, are you really gonna believe the slut-shamers?), or if you’re super attracted to girls in your teens, you’ll never want to date a dude (which is still fine if that’s how things works out).

Gossipy kids love to find reasons to tease and torment their peers over anything and everything, especially over sex and hook-up stuff. Those stupid high school labels don’t have to follow you into adulthood. Your sexual identity and preferences can and will change throughout your life. (If you need further evidence, grab your parents’ yearbooks. We bet you’ll hardly recognize them!)

The Madonna-Whore Complex is a Lie

Ah, good ol' Sigmund Freud. After denying the relevance of the clitoral orgasm, this often-misguided sex researcher developed The Madonna-Whore complex, a theory that compartmentalizes women into groups of monogamous, no-sex-til-marriage purists and serial one-night-stand addicts. This theory is about as blatantly false as it is disgustingly patriarchal.

In truth, sex and the people who have it are neither pure and perfect nor slutty and raunchy, and whips and chains have nothing to do with it. No matter who you're screwing or how you're getting down, sex is always somewhere in-between. Sometimes it's soft and sensual; other times it's delightfully kinky; often it's boring or challenging or raw or mind-expanding. For some folks, a pair of fluffy handcuffs is crossing the line, while another couple might snore at the thought of anything less than an entire trunk of vibrators and lingerie to drag along to a swingers’ party. There's really no way to define enthusiastically consensual sex, and having it doesn’t make you a slut any more than saying No makes you a nun.

In Conclusion, It’s All Up to You (and Whoever You Screw)!

When it comes to sex, always remember: the only rules are your rules – the rules that you and your partner set up to keep you both feeling good and safe. It literally doesn't matter what you're doing with your boyfriend or girlfriend, or how many people you date junior year. As long as everyone is having a good time, practicing safe sex, and giving and receiving pleasure through open communication, there's nothing wrong or immoral about your sexual behavior. Tell that one to your sex-ed teacher (or don’t - they might not be prepared to get schooled)!

Originally posted on Dame. Written by Colleen Goden.

FROM MASSAGERS TO MAGIC WANDS: THE HISTORY OF VIBRATORS

We’ve heard the tales of Victorian women lifting their bustles for doctors to perform a certain stimulating massage as a cure for hysteria. There’s also been a rumor circulating that Cleopatra enjoyed filling a dried gourd with bees to get her buzz, but believe it or not, these are not the reasons we have our favorite sexy time tools today. So where did all this mechanical magic come from from?

Origin Story

The very first electromechanical vibrator was invented in 1883 by English doctor, Joseph Mortimer Granville.  While I’d love to be able to tell you it was intended as a sex toy, the reality of its purpose is a bit less stimulating.   In Granville’s book, he discussed the purpose of his vibrator as a treatment for pain, indigestion, constipation and “pseudo-diabetes”. He also suggested using it to treat impotence in men, but said that he did not use it at all on women.

Up until recently, some historians believed that Granville invented the vibrator to treat Hysteria, an 1800s diagnosis that is now considered normal sexual behavior in women.  The theory claimed that doctors treated Hysteria by masturbating women to orgasm using a ‘massage’, and that their workload was so large, they needed the help of vibrators to give their aching hands a rest.  There was even a 2011 comedy movie based on this story.

Even though it’s a fun theory, Hallie Lieberman & Eric Schatzberg of the Georgia Institute of Technology did a careful analysis of sources and found no evidence to support the historical use of vibrators as any sort of medically condoned treatment for hysteria. They referred to the book that had spread the idea (Technology of the Orgasm) as, “a failure in academic quality control”.

Early 1900s

Although Mortimer’s medicinal vibrator was only really used by doctors, a few companies in the early 1900s began releasing similar models for at home use.  It’s hard to say whether or not these devices were being used for sexual pleasure because the 1873 Comstock Act outlawed any ads that were considered “obscene” and masturbation was an extremely taboo subject at the time.

While I’m sure it didn’t take long for a resourceful woman to put her new appliance to good use, the early models were marketed as a cure-all for a whole range of ailments, just like Granville intended.

By the 1920’s every catalog and magazine was full of ads for mail order massagers for weight loss, beauty aids and magical cures. Some of the claims made by manufacturers were so outrageous that the American Medical Association called the vibrator industry a delusion.

1950s

By the 1950s, doctors no longer stood behind the supposed health benefits of electric massagers, and they became entirely sold and produced for at home use.

Manufacturers continued to make outrageous claims about the health and beauty benefits of their devices, but there was no medical science to back up these claims. By this time, vibrator ads had begun hinting at the possibility of a more intimate use for the devices. While they still couldn’t explicitly state that the devices had a sexual purpose, they certainly could market them to women as a way to make them glow and radiate joy *wink*wink*.

In 1953 Alfred Kinsey released his famous report, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female and got the world talking about female masturbation and the female orgasm. However, he did not once mention the vibrator. It seems that the use of vibrators for vaginal stimulation was still extremely taboo at this point in time.

Things changed in 1958 when the FDA began to crack down on the quackery of vibrator marketing for health benefits and weight loss. They seized vibrators that were “falsely labeled” and forced manufacturers to change their sales strategy.

1960-1970s

The 1960s became known for the free love movement and was a much more sexually liberal time. Birth control was fully legal by 1965 and the women’s liberation movement was in full swing. During this time, vibrators became an even more acceptable item in the home, but they were still marketed as massagers or novelty items.

It wasn’t until the 1970s that massagers finally got to be called sex toys. 1974 was a big year in vibrator history because that’s the year the Hitachi Magic Wand was born. Even though the company adamantly denied a sexual use for their product until 2013, no one was fooled. The same year that Hitachi released it’s infamous massager, Betty Dodson, PhD released her book, Liberating Masturbation: A Meditation on Selflove and began teaching masturbation classes in New York. Can you guess what her favorite toy was? This was only the beginning of the popularity of wand style vibrators.

While this time period was marked by a sense of sexual liberation, it was also a period of repression and censorship. In 1973 Texas was one of the first states to pass an obscenity law that would ban the sale of “any device designed or marketed primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs.” A handful of states would follow and while some of the bans have been repealed, it is still illegal to sell vibrators in Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana, Virginia, and Texas.

1980-1990s

By the time the 80s came around, vibrators were officially sex toys and companies were sprouting up left and right to sell electric pleasure to women all over. In 1983 a company from Japan called Vibratex released a line of vibrators with a hybrid of internal and external components. In order to circumvent Japan’s obscenity laws at the time, the products were made with bright colors and various animal shapes. These toys came with beaver, turtle and kangaroo shapes, but the most popular to this day has been the Rabbit Pearl model.

This was the first line of vibrators designed to stimulate the g-spot and clitoris at the same time and women loved it! In 1998, an episode of Sex and the City shows Charlotte becoming obsessed with her rabbit style vibrator and introduced the toy to a wider, more mainstream audience.

Present Day

In 2009, the very first two studies of vibrator use among Americans were published by researchers at Indiana University. One study surveyed men, and the other surveyed women. The study showed that “vibrator use during sexual interactions is common, with use being reported by approximately 53 percent of women and 45 percent of men ages 18 to 60.” Vibrators are also fun on prostates, perineums and even nipples and there is something out there for everyone.

Now in 2019 it’s possible to cutting-edge vibrators of all shapes, sizes and colors.  Companies like Emojibator are creating afforable and innovative new designs that are waterproof, rechargeable, and full of sexy features:  

• The Chickie is a darn cute vibrator that both vibrates and creates suction for clitoral stimulation.

• The Eggplant is one of the most popular vibrators based on the most suggestive emoji of all time, made of medical-grade silicone and equipped with 10 vibration settings that always hit the spot.

All in all, vibrators are becoming less taboo and more an integral part of healthy self-pleasure. With new pleasure technology being developed every day, the future of vibrators is definitely looking bright.

Written by Daisy Ducati - The Fastest Girl in the Business

FINDING GOOD VIBES FOR THE FIRST TIME

So you’ve decided after years of just using your hand to graduate to a vibrator.

Congratulations! Your whole life is about to change immensely. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with some manual masturbation, but adding a battery is a whole different ballgame. Or maybe you’ve never masturbated before and you’re ready to get started. Whatever rocks your boat.

Some things to have handy before we begin: your Emojibator of choice and an open mind. Every body is different, so you will need patience to understand what your body responds to. Once you’re ready, let’s get naked.

If you feel up to it, grab a mirror so you can see what you’re doing. Since the American school system has failed us when it comes to sex education, we’re going to have a little anatomy lesson on female genitalia. At the tippy top is your clitoris. Everyone’s is different, but most have a hood of varying sizes over it. That’s where we’re going to focus on when it comes to using one of the classic Emojibators (eggplant, chili, and banana).

When masturbating with a vibrator, it’s helpful to pull back the hood and then place the buzzy end right on the clit. If it’s too strong, you can put it over the hood or even squeeze your legs together a little. Your Emojibator also comes with 10 speeds so don’t be afraid to experiment with that to find your fave.

Like sex, just lying there will lead to a mediocre experience. Instead try wiggling around both your vibrator and your hips. Don’t forget to give yourself a little nip action too. Sooner or later you’ll be hitting a climax that will have your roommate texting you asking if you’re okay.

It’s easy to get in your head when you’re trying a new method of masturbation. Remember to not put so much pressure on yourself and just enjoy the ride. Don’t be afraid to experiment or add a friend. There’s no shame in masturbation.

By Maddie Allard - Marketing Manager at Emojibator

YOU DO YOU: CONTINUING CELEBRATING SELF-PLEASURE AFTER MASTURBATION MONTH

Alexandra Fine, Dame Products

Go screw yourself.

No, really.

Instead of investing in that exorbitantly-priced gym membership this summer, why don’t you instead try setting aside 30 minutes each week for a quality round of much-needed masturbation? Aside from the amazing looks you’ll incite on your colleagues’ faces when they ask you how you intend to get in shape this summer, the health benefits of some weekly self-love speak for themselves.

In all seriousness, it’s no secret that masturbation is a bit taboo. What’s lesser-known, however, is the fact that it wasn’t always this way.

Before the early 18th century, it wasn’t actually such a stigma to touch yourself. Unfortunately, over time, masturbation was rebranded into a scary disease and began to bear the brunt of the blame for all kinds of unrelated physical and social ills.¹ Over the course of the next three centuries, this irrational anxiety would only continue to grow.

I’m here to insist that we put all of this behind us.

It’s eye-opening to realize that the act of masturbation actually has many physiological and psychological benefits. Aside from the obvious upsides of masturbation that we know and love, here are some of my favorite positive side effects of a routine, healthy dose of self-love:

1. Masturbation helps you know your self and body better.

Masturbation can be a way to discover, accept, and understand your mind and body in an otherwise unparalleled way.  It can provide an unmatched opportunity to touch base with yourself. In this fast-paced world, we often forget to set aside time to breathe, let alone listen to our bodies. Much like when practicing meditation, it allows us to get in tune with our personal rhythms and identify sensitive points of tension, pain, and desire.

Believe it or not, regular masturbation has actually been proven to correlate positively with self-confidence.

2. Masturbation is good for your body:

Masturbation has been shown to improve cardiovascular health and lower the risk of type-2 diabetes. So, it’s up to you: your comfortable, plush bed or …. the gym.  Speaking of beds, masturbation is also a natural way to fight insomnia - it releases key hormones while relieving tension.

3. Masturbation is good for your mind:

Masturbation can decrease your stress level and improve your mood (which should be no surprise). Everyone masturbates a little bit differently. Most of it depends upon how you experimented and conditioned yourself early on in the game. And yet, while the positions themselves may differ, the mindset during masturbation is almost always the same — Present.

4. Masturbation can improve your sex life:

The better you know yourself, the better your partner can know you. In fact, masturbating in front of your partner is not only a fantastic way to spice up your sex life, but it can also teach your partner what makes you feel pleasure, which is —  let’s face it — not always the easiest notion to convey.

Moral of the story: masturbate. It help you to center yourself while simultaneously enhancing your sexual intimacy. You’ll soon find that better sleep, reduced stress, and radiant self-confidence go hand in hand with a little one-on-one time with the most important person in your life: you.

Turns out, some taboos might be good for you. So go ahead. Don’t let the conclusion of National Masturbation Month serve as an excuse to end the act itself.

References

1. Laqueur, Thomas W. 2003. Solitary Sex: A Cultural History of Masturbation. Zone Books.

For further reading

Brown, Kirk Warren, and Richard M. Ryan. 2003. “The Benefits of Being Present: Mindfulness and Its Role in Psychological Well-Being.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 84(4):822–48. Retrieved July 9, 2014 (http://doi.apa.org/getdoi.cfm?doi=10.1037/0022-3514.84.4.822).

Haavio-mannila, Elina, D. Ph, Osmo Kontula, and D. Ph. 1997. “Correlates of Increased Sexual Satisfaction.” Archives of Sexual Behavior 26(4):399–419.

Hurlbert, David Farley, and Carol Apt. 1994. “Female Sexual Desire, Response, and Behavior.” Behavior Modification 18(4):488–504.

HOW TO MASTURBATE: FOR MEN

1. SET THE MOOD

Masturbation doesn’t have to be a quickie in the bathroom! You can plan your alone time just like you would anything else and set yourself up for some quality “me time.”

You can make masturbation more pleasurable by:

• turning down the lights

• playing your favorite erotic video

• slowly teasing yourself

• staying relaxed and present

2. SWITCH POSITIONS

There’s no reason to stick to the same routine while masturbating. Instead, add some excitement by switching up positions.

If you’re always standing, try leaning against a counter or the wall, with your hips pushed forward. If you’re always lying down, try sitting up, either on your bed or in a chair. You can even enjoy a solo session while on all fours.

Different positions mean different sensations — and that may mean more satisfaction.

3. TAKE YOUR TIME

Masturbation doesn’t have to be “go, go, go” — unless, of course, that’s what you’re into. Feel free to slow down and explore what makes you feel good. You can experiment with speed, strokes, positions, hands, toys, and more during a solo session.

Taking your time to discover what turns you on could lead to a better orgasm.

4. SWITCH HANDS

Changing hands, just like switching positions, can cause different sensations that could lead to intense ejaculation. You may be able to widen your pleasure zone by using your nondominant hand to masturbate.

Or, if you’re feeling frisky, you could attempt “The Stranger” — you know, that technique where you sit on your hand until it falls asleep and then use it to simulate the feeling of another person giving you a hand job? Everyone’s tried it at least once.

Looking for something more adventurous? Try holding your penis against your stomach and stroking the underside of your shaft quickly with your nondominant hand.

5. MOVE YOUR HIPS

Sure, it’s easy to forget to move your hips while masturbating. After all, it’s not like you’re playing with a partner. But did you know that gyrating and thrusting can help increase the intensity and lead to more pleasure? Yup!

Next time you’re engaging in solo play, move your hips in a circular or back-and-forth motion — or in whatever way feels best to you. Increase the speed as you get closer to climaxing.

Remember, masturbation doesn’t have to be the same every time!

6. TRY DIFFERENT STROKES

Moving your hand in an up-and-down motion is a tried-and-true masturbation technique — and for many people with a penis, it almost always leads to an orgasm. But why keep solo play boring? Experiment with different movements for a more profound and powerful experience.

You can use long, twisting strokes from base to tip. You can palm and pull your penis head while masturbating with a full-hand grip. You could also add a little bit of rubbing to the classic three-finger grip.

Just play around with different stroking styles to find the one that feels more pleasurable for you.

7. DON’T JUST FOCUS ON THE PENIS

There’s more to your genitals than just your penis, so show the rest some love! If you like it when your partner plays with your testicles, shaft, and perineum — aka your taint — then why deprive yourself during a solo session?

Your testicles, for example, have almost as many nerve endings as your penis. If you want to intensify your pleasure, consider pulling down on your balls right before you climax.

You can also massage or play with your taint to create some intense sensations. And through it all, don’t forget to stroke your whole shaft to really build up to that “Big O.”

8. EXPLORE OTHER EROGENOUS ZONES

Want to have a sensational full-body climax? Then explore your erogenous zones! Playing with your erogenous zones — that is, your ears, nipples, neck, mouth, and lips — can shoot sparks of pleasure throughout your body.

You can rub, pinch, pull, squeeze, or tug at these parts of your body to intensify your orgasm during a particularly randy solo session! Don’t forget to play around with different touches to discover what makes you feel good.

9. DON’T FORGET THE PROSTATE!

Your prostate — otherwise known as the “male G-spot” — is your golden ticket to an intense, full-body experience. So, if you haven’t cashed it in, now is the time.

You can start off slow by using one finger to gently rub the outside and inside of your anal opening, then insert your finger gradually to massage your prostate. Increase the speed and motion as the pleasure begins to build until you’re ready to finish.

If using your finger isn’t your cup of tea, there are toys you can play around with. Don’t be afraid to experiment.

10. TRY EDGING

Want to prolong your play date? Incorporate the start-and-stop method into your next solo session. Orgasm control, also known as “edging,” draws out the pleasure so that you can have a longer, more explosive experience.

Try it out by stroking your penis right up until the edge of ejaculation, then stop completely. Slowly begin to masturbate again, increasing speed until you’re ready to finish, then pull back again. Repeat this process as much as you’d like.

11. ADD IN A TOY OR TWO

There are a number of toys available for people with penises that can add loads of fun to a solo session.

The most common options include:

• the automatic stroker

• Fleshlights

• pocket strokers

• prostate stimulators

• anal beads

Consider adding a toy — or two! — during solo play if you want to ramp up your orgasm.

MULTIPLE ORGASMS: A HOW-TO GUIDE

By Rosie Raza

Ah, the multiple orgasm. Woman’s mysterious ability to have multiple orgasms is made only more fascinating by the difficulty to achieve them. The gift that keeps on giving for women from the sex-gods. Or perhaps their existence is a stroke of evolutionary luck. Whatever their origin, they’re one of nature’s most powerful and personal experiences, and if you have a vagina, it is definitely something you should try.

A multiple orgasm is a second (or third, or fourth, or fifth, etc.) orgasm before the relaxation stage of an orgasm’s cycle. In other words, a woman is still aroused from the previous orgasm. Subsequent orgasms usually happen anywhere from 15 seconds to 1 minute after the last.

But how does one achieve these waves of climactic joy? Can everyone with a vagina do it?

Before you start your journey to the promised land, you should know that only about 15% of women report the ability to have multiple orgasms. But don’t let that get you down, I actually consider this great news. Now that you know the likelihood of having multiple orgasms is low, the pressure is off. Just like a regular orgasm, putting pressure on yourself to achieve it may thwart your ability to get there.

The first time I had a multiple orgasm, I wasn’t trying to do it at all. I realized I was still turned on after my first orgasm, so I grabbed my vibrator because it felt good, and voila! Number two was in the books moments later. I’m telling you this because the importance of doing this to feel good –instead of trying to achieve a result– can’t be overstated. Say it with me: Pleasure not Pressure.

Step 1: After your first orgasm, recover for a few moments, then go right back at it with the techniques you like. Having multiple orgasms can be intense. In fact, the sensitivity of the clitoris is usually what keeps women from being able to have multiple orgasms. What feels good on round two might be different than what feels good on round one, so experiment. No judging.

Tip: If direct clitoral stimulation is too intense after your first orgasm, use your vibrator/hands to find a spot that gets to the clit indirectly, or use your g-spot instead. Or do both!

Step 2: Keep going or keep exploring. If you found that spot that feels so good you can’t leave, keep going: your next orgasm is likely right around the corner. Remember, it may only take 15 seconds. If you haven’t found that spot, search some more.

Step 3: Did you reach your next orgasm? Rejoice! Or why not go for the next one? The record for female orgasms is 134 in 60 minutes. Additional orgasms may not be as strong as the first (sometimes they feel like an “aftershock”), though they definitely can be.

Alternative Step 3: Did you not reach your next orgasm? Rejoice! Try again another time, or don’t.

Remember, there’s no meaning attached to your ability to multiply orgasm. Ditch any notions of worth you may have associated with the ability to be multi-orgasmic and use this time to have fun and pleasure yourself, without trying to reach any end goal. Either way, you can’t lose. Happy masturbating!

MASTER TIP: UNBOUND

" IF YOU ARE GOING THE FINGERS ROUTE, AN ENHANCED LUBE IS A GREAT NEW PRODUCT FOR KEEPING THINGS INTERESTING. JOLT GEL USES PEPPERMINT OIL AND OTHER ORGANIC INGREDIENTS TO INCREASE BLOOD FLOW TO THE CLITORIS, WHICH LEADS TO A TINGLING SENSATION THAT I CAN ONLY DESCRIBE AS MAGICAL. SOMETIMES WE HEAR THE ARGUMENT "WELL, I DON'T NEED LUBE" BUT YOU ALSO DON'T NEED SPRINKLES ON YOUR ICE CREAM. SOME THINGS YOU ADD IN BECAUSE THEY JUST MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER. "

--POLLY RODRIGUEZ OF UNBOUND 

SEX MAGIC: HOW TO CAST SPELLS WITH YOUR ORGASMS

When people ask Kristen Korvette how she landed her first book deal, she normally responds with a predictable platitude: She achieved her dream through a combination of hard work and luck. In private, however, she attributes her success to masturbating under the full moon.

Korvette, the editrix of Slutist and a professor of the New School's class "The Legacy of the Witch," is a practitioner of sex magic, using sexual energy (often orgasm) for manifestation."It happened to be a full moon on the evening I submitted my proposal, so I engaged in my usual practice"— which consists of "listening to my favorite erotically-charged music (which is always glam metal: Motley Crue mostly), lighting a candle that has been carved to symbolize my goal, and unsheathing my crystal dildo to consummate the spell"—"and exactly one month later, on the full moon, I received word that I was in," she says.

Given the preponderance of love spells and evil-yet-seductive witches in pop culture, it's understandable that sex magic is so often misunderstood. But according to those who practice the erotic craft, it's just another form of magical manifestation. "You have an intention, and you're using orgasms or sex as a tool to achieve that particular intention," explains Cat Cabral, a Wiccan priestess who managed the East Village occult shop Enchantments for more than a decade. Bri Luna, owner of The Hood Witch, agrees with this characterization. "We're not talking about how to be sexy or have an enhanced libido. We're getting down to manifesting, talking about harnessing sexual energy to make very real results," she says. "Sexual energy is just energy. It's neutral."

Neutral, maybe, but extremely powerful nonetheless. "With sex magick, all you need is to reach orgasm and you can change your world," writes Damon Brand in Adventures in Sex Magick.

Some techniques involve repeating mantras during orgasm, focusing on sigils (a magical symbol) to help focus your energy, and invoking certain deities. Hathor, Isis, and Aphrodite are common goddess to invoke, but you can use whatever deity appeals most to you since sex magic is so personalized and intuitional. "I think everybody needs to find deities or mythology or archetypes that relate to them. So for some people that's staying within their own heritage or culture," says Cabral. "Personally, I love working with Venus or Aphrodite." Intuition, she adds, is "the most important thing."

Indeed, most witches will say that sex magic is one of the most intuitive practices. "I came to sex magic pretty intuitively," recalls Korvett. "As a young girl, my mother taught me the power of manifestation, but in a G-rated way, of course. Somehow I made the connection between that and all the self-pleasure I was engaging in, and realized it could be used in a more powerful and productive way."

For many practitioners, the fact that sex magic can be practiced alone is one of its main draws. "Although I've experimented with partnered sex magic, I find the solo spells have worked better for me thus far," says Korvette. In a world that's traditionally punished women for freely enjoying both sex and magic, combining the two can feel revolutionary—and taking matters into one's own hands only heightens that sense.

"Witchcraft in and of itself if very empowering for women... you know that all of your power is just innately within yourself," says Luna. "One of the most powerful aspects any women can have is owning her sexuality, and not being afraid of that power, and not being afraid to use that power."

WHY THE BEST FEMALE MASTURBATION SCENES ON TV ARE THE BORING ONES

If you want to understand Broad City's protagonists, you can look at their masturbation routines. Ilana luxuriates in an extensive preparation ritual—including candles, oysters, and lipstick—while Abbi schedules "me time" on her calendar and sticks Post-It reminders on her vibrator. It's an accurate snapshot of each character: Ilana is ostentatious, fiercely loyal, and sexually open-minded where Abbi is neurotic, practical, and prioritizes her needs without apology. What we learn about both is that they are women who masturbate. Not to arouse a partner. Not because they're curious about their bodies. And not because they're having a moment of sexual enlightenment that conveniently coincides with major plot points in the show. They just do it because they feel like it.

It's been almost two decades since Charlotte got too attached to her Rampant Rabbit on Sex and the City, but women getting themselves off has remained taboo, even as we nonchalantly watch orgies on Game of Thrones. Meanwhile, people accept it as a fact of life that men can't stop masturbating—an idea usually played for American Pie-style laughs in shows like The Inbetweeners and Peep Show. Even Friends had a gag about Monica mistakenly thinking Chandler was into shark porn.

When it comes to women's pleasure, the perception persists that masturbation is deviant (like Sally Draper being carted off to the psychotherapist in Mad Men), but today's popular TV shows created by women are challenging these tropes.

Despite all of Insecure's provocative sex scenes in season two—blowjobs, polyamorous relationships, and a threesome that goes from raunchy to racist—arguably the most progressive is in episode three, when Issa reaches for her vibrator. In keeping with her character, her batteries die almost immediately, and she runs around her apartment searching for spares, exclaiming "Fuck!" every time she comes up empty-handed.

As with the women of Broad City, masturbation is just part of Issa's day. She owns a sex toy. She uses it in her bed, under the covers, wearing comfy clothes, with her hair wrapped. It's a sex scene that isn't especially, or at all, sexy. Instead of careful camera angles that give viewers an eyeful, the scene is about Issa's relationship with herself.

The opposite of Game of Thrones sexposition, Broad City and Insecure have swapped background boobs for genuine character development. A woman taking control of her own pleasure is no longer a statement or a breakthrough. These female characters are already well-aware of their sexuality, their bodies, and their needs.

But in real life, masturbation is still shrouded in shame for many. Leila Frodsham, a consultant obstetrician and gynecologist at the Institute of Psychosexual Medicine and women's health expert for the website The Femedic, told Broadly that most of her patients don't want to discuss the topic.

"In my experience, women very rarely admit to masturbating. Men have no hesitation in discussing it, but women will squirm and deny it. They look horrified when I suggest that this would be the best way of learning how to experience pleasure," she explained. "As a gynecologist for more than 20 years, I hear daily when examining women: 'Poor you, you have a horrible job, having to look at this all day'. There are very few positive words for female genitalia compared with men. It's no surprise that women feel revolted by a part of their bodies."

Jane the Virgin's Gina Rodriguez expressed similar feelings in an interview with Bustearlier this year. "In all honesty, I used to feel guilty for masturbating," she said. "Oh my god, this extreme guilt! And that lasted way too long. Or maybe I masturbated too much! It's OK to look back in retrospect and be like, it wasn't good that I felt bad about touching myself."

As with other taboo topics, seeing women's masturbation in pop culture has the power to normalize the act—if it's realistically depicted. But many times, female masturbation is still portrayed as a sight to titillate men, if not figuratively (like with Riley Keough in The Girlfriend Experience) then literally (like with Lizzy Caplan in Masters of Sex).

Sybil Lockhart, PhD, a researcher for OMGYes, a website that educates readers about female pleasure, is finding that women often think their masturbation should arouse their partners. "Some women describe masturbating in a performative way for a partner, lying back and arching their back as they have seen others do in porn, but in many cases, the performance in no way matches that woman's authentic personal style of masturbating, which they often figure men will find entirely unattractive," she said. 

"Women masturbating doesn't have to be—and often is not—sexy in the way a man might want it to be. We're finding that one of the most ubiquitous masturbation styles is simply rubbing on or squeezing an object," she continued. "One needn't be naked to do this, and often it is done face down, so it's not necessarily something your typical porn fan might go after."

In other words, Natalie Portman writhing around in Black Swan while she fantasies about girl-on-girl action might look sexy on screen, but it's probably not how most women would actually go about getting off. Phoebe Waller-Bridge's titular character in the show Fleabag—who watches an Obama speech on her laptop and eats snacks while she reached under the duvet to knock one out—may be more realistic. No matter that her boyfriend is sleeping next to her or that she has crumbs on her T-shirt. The act is ordinary, humdrum, and not for anyone but herself.

When we see female characters on television make time to acknowledge and tend to their sexual desires without guilt or embarrassment, the message is that female masturbation is like getting a good night's sleep or drinking enough water. There's no right or wrong way to do it. And how sexy it is for everyone else is irrelevant.

EMBRACE THE EMBARRASSING

When you break down masturbation to its basic elements—privacy, a little bit of inspiration, some elbow grease, and hopefully a modest cleanup routine—there's obviously nothing to be embarrassed about. But for young people who haven't quite figured this out, each attempt has the potential to cause deep shame and/or personal injury.

As something of a public service, VICE asked several self-identified self-pleasurers to share their most embarrassing masturbation stories. Because whether or not you consider yourself skilled in the area of dialing the rotary phone, shakin' the bacon, or whatever euphemism you prefer, you probably didn't start out as a masturbatory pro.

DOM, 25

When I was 10 or 11, my older brother was having a sleepover with a bunch of his buddies. And I guess around that age people start talking about sexy things, sex jokes and stuff, and so I was hovering at the corners of the room, trying to hang out, when I overheard them talking about masturbating. One of them made a joke and was like, "oh are you gonna masturbate later tonight?" and he made the hand gesture that you make for masturbation, which is that closed fist you shake in front of your crotch. And I didn't know how to masturbate, so I saw that gesture and was like, oh my god, that's how you do it.

That night I went to bed—and I didn't have a boner because I was 10 years old and, you know, we don't get many boners at that age—and I got into bed, made a fist and started hitting my flaccid penis with my closed hand. I was like, oh my god that really hurts! So I gave up masturbating for about two years. I thought, well that's not for me.

MARGARET, 24

It was a rainy Sunday and I was making chili. I like my chili nice and hot— muy picante as they say—and so I chopped up all the veggies and things, including many jalapeño peppers, and threw them in a pot. I washed my hands well—at least I thought I did—and sat down to watch a little Project Runway while my chili was boiling away.

During a lull in the show, I thought, well I'm a bit bored and sleepy here in my sweatpants, so why don't I just rub one out? A couple minutes in, I was gearing up, about to roll into O town, and I started to notice that my vagina was burning a bit. I was like, hmm, I wonder what that's all about? And so I ignored it for a while, but then it started to hurt A LOT, like it was lit on fire. I was suddenly very afraid. But then I realized there was likely some jalapeño juice on my fingers, and so naturally I took to google for a remedy. I typed in something like "jalapeño juice on skin burning how stop?"

I didn't want to put in "jalapeño juice in vagina" because it would corrupt my search history. But anyway, Wikihow said to pour cold milk on the "affected area," and so I filled a huge measuring cup with skim milk, sat myself on the toilet, leaned back and doused myself. It was an odd experience, but it did ease my suffering. And so after that I showered and had a nice bowl of chili. Which was delicious.

THEO, 25

So the idea of jerking off into a sock was really popular when I was growing up. Geometrically, the idea made sense, but I guess I'd never considered what I would do with the sock afterward. I was probably about 14, in my bedroom doing my thing, and I decided to try the sock method out. It made the initial clean up a revelation since there was really nothing to be done. But then I had this sock. I couldn't put it in the laundry because my mom did my laundry and she would find it and know that I was a young man doing young man things. Same went for the garbage, because I guess at the time I imagined my mom to be some kind of suspicious raccoon that combed through all the detritus in the house.

Our house backed onto a forest so I decided the sock best belonged there. I walked to the edge of the yard and hurled it into the woods. But you see, it was winter and all of the trees were bare. The sock wrapped itself around the branch of a particularly tall birch. I'm talking like 30 feet up. It stayed up there, bright white, and waved like a shameful flag for months until summer storms came and blew it off. My mom totally noticed, too. She kept asking everyone in the house, who knows what's going on with that sock? My strategy was deny, deny, deny.

MASTER TIP: DAME PRODUCTS

"MY TIP FOR MASTURBATION IS TO TRY AND MASTURBATE DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU NORMALLY DO. IT CAN BE REALLY EASY TO FORM MASTURBATION HABITS, ESPECIALLY SINCE WE DON'T OFTEN MAKE SPACE FOR OUR SEXUALITY IDENTITIES. MAYBE FIND TIME TO EXPLORE SEXUALITY INSTEAD OF GETTING OFF QUICKLY. SELF DISCOVERY IS DOPE!"

--ALEXANDRA FINE OF DAME PRODUCTS

TAKING CONTROL OF MY ORGASM

By Janice Payne, Director of Marketing at Emojibator

I want to start off by saying that the following contents of this article are not an exclusive how-to on achieving an orgasm. This is my personal experience on how I have most easily achieved orgasms during sexual intercourse, without fail, every freakin’ time. It’s nothing new or groundbreaking and many women are already using this method...and that’s because it works! So ladies, if you’re having trouble getting yours in bed, try this out. 

How I take control of my orgasm: 

While my partner is on his back, I sit on top of him with one leg on either side of his torso while slightly leaning back. As I’m riding him, I’m making sure to GRIND my hips, rather than bounce up and down. Your grinding technique will be unique to you, test out different directions and motions, and see how you best reach your g-spot. Trust me, you’ll know when you’ve reached it. 

I like to use a ‘freestyle’ technique, where I’m mixing a combination of grinding back and forth, side to side, in circular motions, and in figure-eight motions. I’ll also ask my partner to push upwards with his hips so that he’s deeper inside me. When I’m feeling extra spicy, I’ll whip out my Chili Pepper Emojibator to stimulate my clit while grinding on my partner. 

It’s no surprise that it’s easiest for us women to orgasm when we take the reigns. So ladies, if you want to take control of your orgasms, take control of your position. Be the orgasm you wish to see in your world! Your man will love it, there’s nothing sexier than a woman owning a bedroom. 

WHY SHOULD I MASTURBATE?

By Thais Duthie, Author of Fugace Piacere. Writer of lesbian erotic, sex blogger and lover of cosmetics.

I’ve masturbated for as long as I can remember. I would love to tell you about my first time--how afraid I was to do something I shouldn’t be doing--but I can barely remember masturbation as a teenager now. I remember I used to do it with regularity, though. At first, I did it because it made me feel good. So good. Extremely good. In that moment I was not aware of the benefits of an orgasm, so I just masturbated for pleasure. Then, I discovered how a few minutes of self-pleasure could change my day and my mood. Now I could not live without it.

Forget any myth or negative belief--the first thing you need to know about masturbation is that it is nothing but good. It does not matter if you are a man or a woman, we all do it, and if your friends disagree they are lying, I can tell you that. Masturbation is natural. It is fantastic. Get over the shame!

Once we know that masturbation has no risks, let’s forge ahead: It is deeply pleasant. If you are angry it will help you feel better, if you are turned on it will feel like relief, if you cannot fall asleep it will make you bunk down until sunshine. How could all that be possible? It has a very plausible explanation. Neurotransmitters. 

After an orgasm, our body releases serotonin and endorphins, and this is where the magic happens. Serotonin regulates our mood and our body temperature, and helps to produce melatonin (the hormone that puts us to sleep). When we orgasm our dose of serotonin is increased and for this reason we feel pleasure and at peace. 

Endorphins also help there – in fact, they are also known as the happiness hormones. Endorphins act as a natural opiate that provide well-being and reduce pain, and many scholars have even suggested that endorphins are 20 times more powerful than painkillers! For this reason, masturbation can be considered an organic remedy for headache, stress or period cramps. It has helped me with all of those, so give it a try!

However, if you have a partner, he or she can take care of supplying an orgasm, but there is still something left up to you: self-exploration. You are the owner of your body and you should also be the expert of your pleasure. Pleasuring yourself is key. You will discover what arouses you, where that little spot that makes you shiver is, what you like most, and what you do not like at all. If you share these learnings with your mates, the quality of your sex life will improve considerably, I swear. 

Masturbation can make your day, change your life and boost your pleasure. Give yourself the chance to listen to your body. Dance with it. Forget about everything. Focus on how a single caress can make your fuzz bristle and let go. Feel that bliss, and time after time, you will beautifully connect with your true self… 

MY FIRST ORGASM

By Crystal Fairy, Pleasure Specialist
 
I didn’t try masturbating for the first time until I had already been having partnered sex for a couple of years and I have several guesses as to why this is. 

First, I didn’t understand that I was entitled to feel good on my own, the way so many boys are conditioned to feel (and rightly so, as we all should be). Second, I didn’t want to end up feeling stupid for not knowing how. And third, I was too afraid to ask anyone for directions because I wasn’t sure what they’d think of me. In self-conscious secret, each time I tried to flick the proverbial bean, I would inch my fingers down my torso oh-so-slowly. As soon as I reached the elastic of my underwear, I’d freeze, paralyzed by the idea that I was doing something unnatural and wrong. It was ultimately thanks to a very kind sales girl at Spencer’s Gifts that I was finally able to cross that ‘panty line.’
 
She found me hovering near the endless wall of multicolored dildos and vibrators, having wandered off from my girl gang who were entangled in a heated debate over which pot-themed posters would look best in our freshman dorms. The sales girl watched me for a moment before sweetly asking if I needed any help. I politely demurred, “Oh no, no, I’m just looking.” She smiled at my response and began to tell me about the different pieces of equipment that hung before us. Some were plain, some were realistic, some were quiet, some were noisy, some were intended for couples, and some even had beads that lined the shaft – intended to massage my vaginal walls, of course. As I listened to her casually describe this impressive array of devices and their numerous capabilities, I began to think, “maybe there’s something to this self-pleasure thing, and maybe it’s not so bad.” Fifteen minutes later, I walked out of the store with a harmless looking battery-powered red bullet vibrator, complete with a soft and flexible silicone tip – “a steal at 10 bucks,” she told me.
 
That night I laid in my bed and stared at my new purchase for a very long time, psyching myself up for the adventure ahead. I was a woman determined – there was no soft music, no candles, and absolutely no fantasizing… I don’t think I had anything good to fantasize about at that point (shout out to my first boyfriend). After a quick Google search to confirm where my clit was – yes, my own clit – I twisted the rhinestone encrusted base of my toy to the left, just like the Spencer’s girl showed me. On full blast and not knowing my own limits, I jammed the soft silicone tip into the target area.
 

Years of depraved Google searches later, I can astutely compare the experience to ‘forced orgasm’ porn. I reached climax in about 45 seconds, mouth open, eyes rolling back into my head, limbs twitching, unsure of what had happened. Was that it? Was I supposed to keep going? If I did, would I hurt myself? Should there have been more liquid? Less? I decided to set aside the questions for the time being and give it another go, to gather more empirical evidence.
 
If I’m being honest with myself, it’s probably taken from that first time up until the last year or two to really find my rhythm during masturbation. One of the most important things I’ve learned is that it’s as much about the journey as the destination. Rather than going in guns blazing and full speed ahead, I’ve taught myself to slow down and enjoy the process. With an assortment of new and improved toys acquired throughout the years, I’ve explored a variety of techniques; starting with a lower setting and working my way up, focusing on other areas besides my clit, teasing myself. This self-exploration has also translated into my sex life in such a positive way. Learning what makes me tick has given me not only the know-how but the courage to speak up and point my partners in the right direction. I’ve come a long way from the girl who was too scared to put her fingers in her own vagina and I love knowing now that I have the ability to make myself feel amazing. My road to the perfect orgasm wasn’t always pretty and it most certainly wasn’t always smooth, but I got there with a lot of practice and a little help from my friends.