When it comes to sex, many of us are people pleasers. The way to building our arousal becomes dependent on our lover’s satisfaction, and if our lover isn’t pleased, then we aren’t pleased, and it makes for a challenging sexual situation. However, when our lovers are satisfied, that’s when we become the most turned on, and the ability to orgasm becomes easier.
We aim to please for several reasons:
1) We enjoy the company of our lover(s),
2) It helps us with intimate, emotional and or physical bonding, and
3) It helps build our ego and confidence with our sexual techniques. Overall, it helps us to feel good about ourselves and with the person(s) that we’re with.
There are several ways that you can aim to please someone:
1) Pay attention to what they say to you and implement it into your sexual techniques.
2) Pay attention to what their body is saying to you while you’re performing the sexual procedures
3) Give feedback in the form of dialogue or moaning that indicates that you are enjoying the pleasure that you’re giving them. Aiming to please is a form of conquering a goal in which you want to achieve, which brings us to the next point of being able to please to aim until orgasm.
Pleasing to aim until orgasm is total goal-oriented behavior. It is about pleasing your lover until you can get the orgasm that you want them to have. It is also about getting as close to your orgasm as possible (and if you’re turned on enough, coming to orgasm without touching yourself!). When your goal-oriented and persistent, you will get what you want, provided that you make the right moves at the right moment and with the right attitude. Overall, pleasing to aim requires persistence, erotic acuity, and sexual intelligence. Having all these things will help you achieve the prowess that you need to please your lovers and please yourself!
Written by Jane Jett the educator and licensed therapist behind Kinktra.com and Kinktra in the Raw podcast.