MASTURBATING IN MY CHILDHOOD BEDROOM

took my pants off.

My mom knocked on the door.

I put my pants back on.

I told my mom I didn’t need her to do my laundry (I did).

I took my pants off again.

I thought about fucking.

I thought about fucking on the twin bed below me.

I thought about how quiet and careful I’d have to be.

I came.

I went on Facebook.

The boy who beat me in the 1996 spelling bee randomly liked a post.

I thought about fucking the boy who beat me in the 1996 spelling bee.

My dad yelled asking if I wanted ravioli.

I yelled ‘Yeah, I’ll eat some, thanks!’

I tried remembering the word that made me lose.

It wasn’t ‘photosynthesis’.

I definitely spelled that one right.

Can you believe it?

A 5th grader correctly spelling photosynthesis?

It was amazing.

I came again.

I messaged the boy who beat me in the 1996 spelling bee.

He told me the word was ‘hygiene’.

He also told me he was divorced.

I came again!

My dad yelled asking how many ravioli I wanted.

I yelled ‘How big are they?’

He yelled ‘They’re decent!’

I yelled ‘I’ll take 4!’

I closed my eyes.

I thought about fucking again.

Twin bed, divorced, quiet, photosynthesis...

My dad yelled that dinner was ready.

I yelled ‘Okay!’

I kept trying for a fourth.

My mom yelled that dinner was ready.

I yelled ‘I know!’

I got frustrated.

I put my pants on.

I went downstairs.

I ate ravioli.

I asked my dad for a ride to Mike’s.

My dad drove me to Mike’s.

I commented on the neighbor’s lawn.

I thought of that time in college he picked me up from TJ’s.

And I reeked of marijuana.

Did I reek of masturbation?

I told myself to shut up.

We got to Mike’s.

I told my dad I loved him.

The end.


By Carolyn Busa: Comedian and Writer, @MISSTOILETSLAVE

Creator of  MY SEX PROJECT