By Karley Cohen, @karleyface
My Body, My Choice… but what if at one point it wasn’t my choice? What if there is guilt surrounding the orgasm? How do you process and recover?
Finding yourself and feeling pleasure without guilt or pain can be an enormous hardship as you find peace when dealing with sexual trauma; it is different for everyone who experiences that. I went from having a “normal” sex life with some curiosities to dabbling in sex work, trying anything once… twice… three times just to be sure.
As I was healing myself from my sexual traumas, I reclaimed my body by having as much casual sex with as many people as possible, by making money with my body and by trying anything and everything – on my terms. It was all about me for once. If anyone violated the fact that all of this was happening on my terms, I had no problem telling them to “GET THE F**CK OUT.”
I explored with people of all genders and sexualities, experiencing different types of pleasure, using different types of toys, hands and genitals. I wanted to feel good. I wanted to like being touched, and not afraid someone was going to hurt me. Having detached, unemotional sex was the best thing I could have done for my soul, and my pussy.
After pretty much exploring everything I wanted to try, I realized the recovery from my trauma came in re-learning about myself, re-loving myself and re-experiencing myself. I allowed my mind to let go of the hurt I experienced and allowed myself to feel pleasure.
Something as cute as a little eggplant emoji can’t hurt me – it’s a cartoon that came to life and my fears are all in my head. Reclaiming my body through pleasure was the ultimate orgasm I could have done for myself when recovering from my sexual trauma(s) and that will always be a part of my sexual experience.