While the stigma around masturbation is slowly shrinking, we have to ask: Is it possible it's affecting our ability to get it on in real life?
According to Megan Fleming, Ph.D., a sex and relationship therapist, a little self love may be the best way to keep your sex engine running. If you get in the habit of bringing yourself to orgasm and experiencing the rush of dopamine, oxytocin, and stress relieving chemicals which hit your brand, you won't have a cold start when you want to get that motor revved up with a partner. Getting excited about sex may not be a problem for most, but if you tend to have a low libido, solo sessions can help you know exactly what turns you on.
And while no one's going to touch you as good as you touch yourself, having some private time with yourself won't necessarily diminish the joys of a little fun with someone else. Treat masturbation like an opportunity to communicate with your partner—play with yourself while they watch and walk them through what you're doing. It's not only sexy. I'll also give them some tips on pleasing you.
Whether or not you want to make masturbation a teachable moment, there's no reason to worry about a little self-love ruining your libido for partner play. After all, there's no hard-and-fast rule for how much libido you should have, according to Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT, a licensed therapist and sexuality counselor.
For women, a low libido is often the result of lower testosterone levels. Masturbation doesn't impact this. Plus, women don't have that built-in recovery period between orgasms like men, which means multiple orgasms, many achieved with a little self stimulation.
Still, if you're worried that pleasing yourself is going to make you less excited for later, try "edging" which is getting yourself excited without finishing the job. It's a great way to "store your sexual energy" and set yourself up for success with your partner.
One last thing to consider is that if you and your partner aren't on the same page sexually, masturbation can help level the playing field. The person who wants sex more often can go it alone and fantasize about what they want to experience later, a technique Fleming calls "pattern interrupt"—a break from the typical, scripted sex couples can fall into.
So there you have it. Masturbation gives libido a helping hand, keeps you excited for sex and ensures you're in tune with your body. Unless you're experiencing stress, depression or a bit of a hormone imbalance there's no way to lose interest in your desire for sex —so feel free to keep going at it with the person who knows best.