CARRIE WEISMAN
If you’ve ever spent a few minutes, um, giving yourself a hand in the bathroom, then your masturbation game is shot. At least it is according to a new wave of experts. Today, “masturbation coaches” are a thing, and they’ve taken issue with how most men typically approach the act.
To start, if you’re thinking “masturbation coach” sounds like an odd job title, you’re not alone. Members of the field typically belong to a wider network of sex educators, more formally known as “sexological bodyworkers.” Joseph Kramer, Ph.D., founded the industry back in 2003. Though Kramer, who is known for having popularized the art of male genital massage, planted the professional seed years earlier. In 1984, Kramer founded the Body Electric School in Oakland, California where thousands of individuals turned up for training. When educating individuals about their own orgasmic potential, Kramer and his students believe a hands-on approach is most effective.
To date, California is the only state that legally recognizes the profession, though there are a number of regional associations located throughout Europe, Canada, and Australia. According to the Association of Certified Sexological Bodyworkers, the most common conditions that bring people into the office, so to speak, are premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and an inability to achieve orgasm.
Bruce P. Grether used to work alongside Kramer, assisting him in teaching workshops. Today, he has his own male masturbation coaching business called Erotic Engineering. His services — which are available via Skype — costs around $100 per hour. According to Grether, most guys masturbate with an eye towards ejaculation. And while positioning orgasm as a goal isn’t a necessarily a bad way to frame masturbation, it tends to rob men of another important element of sexuality.
In 2001, Grether coined the phrase mindful masturbation, which speaks to the idea of being fully present during masturbation, or “self-pleasure,” as he would phrase it. Grether, like many others in the field, prefers the term to the more clinical sounding M-word.
“Human sexuality becomes most rewarding when it connects directly with self-love. The cliché is that women associate emotion with eroticism more than men, but this is something men can learn,” he tells Fatherly.
Kai Helmich is another one of Kramer’s protégées. He’s been helping men improve their masturbatory skills for the past three years. Often, it comes down to helping correct the bad habits they picked up years ago.
“The typically pattern we learn as children is that we go to the toilet, and we have two minutes before mom finds out what we’re doing,” he explains. “You go as quick as you can. No sound – no nothing. It’s completely unnatural.” According to Helmich, that’s pattern few men grow out of.